What Ha’ Happen Was…..


Saturday I went to a function, even though I was tired. JJ Bear invited me and because she is all Love and because my outfit was hella cute. I went.

I told her girl, I ain’t hollern’ at nobody, I ain’t tripping, I just want to get out here some boombap and go home at a decent hour so I can wake up and finish reading this John Sweet and work on my Oakland proposal.

I ain’t in the house good, putting our beers in the hosts refrigerator when I ran up on this one. I ain’t seen this negro since January.

He was like, Wooow, you look like wow, you hair is out, and you ain’t wearing leggings.

JJ Bear gave me the side eye like, “umm hmmm, negro.” And I’m like naaah, I ain’t seent or spoke to him since January, really I am being honest.

I thought to myself, wow, leggings and a hat really use to be my uniform I guess.

As we were talking, the function was cool. House full of pretty Black people.

It was bugged because he remembered mad stuff about me. How I don’t believe that folks should not be touched without consent, my statement that everyone has a right to be who they are, my really progressive views about negro children and violence.

So, he invited me to dinner the next day and we went a couple days later.

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He is flirting with the idea of going to seminary and just ran a half marathon. I was struck by the way his life is full of stuff, keeping busy, being spiritually centered.

I encouraged him to go. His face lit up when he talked about studying Christian scholarship and philosophy. He is a muckety muck government bear now. The antithesis of religion and philosophy.

I encourage folks to, if it is within their means, do the work that makes their faces light up.

I personally think that a person who is moved spiritually like that, who has a leadership roles at church, is going to have to follow it or have it scratch at him for the rest of his life.

Hanging out with him reminded me of the different kind’s of chemistry that we have with people. It reminded me? haven’t ran into or spoke to SD in a hot minute. You know how you turn a corner and you think you gone run into somebody. #ummhmm. We both been busy and we had beef over a photo online. Reconciling that was awkward for us, in some ways.? I would be lying if ain’t say that I missed him.

In many ways I feel like I ran into an old friend. It was cool because he reminded how much I have changed but also stayed the same over the last 4 months.

At one point last night, I was talking about the Nightline meme on Black women. And I said that me and my crew, don’t have those issues. We date, make art,? grind to pay the mortgage/rent, read, and Love. He responded, “These women out here aren’t like you.They concerned with hair, nails and a job.”? (It thought to myself, I am concerned with boujay lotion, food and more food, luls.)

I simply responded saying saying, we here, you just have to look for us.

Funny that I enjoyed myself with this person, four months later.

Totally confirms that I don’t control outcomes.

Openly Loving Women is Prolly Radical….


Yesterday I tweeted a thought, and apparently I touched a cord.

I was so moved by the reaction that I did a screen shot to preserve this history.

The quote is:
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Openly Loving women, in a society premised on oppressing women,

is prolly one of the most radical thing you can do.

Agreed?

No?

Musing on The Window Seat Video



Earlier today, I was on the phone with Bacon Grits, chit chatting,planning my outfit, my day, flirting, and he asked me I had seen the Window Seat video?? I continued looking for my fuchsia leggings, turned it on, put him on speaker, and continued to chat.? I sat down in front of the computer half way watching, listening, and then I noticed, “Erykah Badu is stripping?”

Then I tell him, wait, is she going to get naked?

He says, oh you haven’t seen it, wait until the end.

We both sat there quiet as I listened, and watched. Absorbed.

The Evolving tattoo? **Done.

The awesome lace undies. ***Fancy drawls #somuchwinblackgirlwin.

Keep in mind that I have been bumping Turn Me Away (Get MuNNy) for the last four days. The fact that she says “Let me be your robot girl” had me in the air, as I have been on some #blackgirlsarefromthefuture since I got reacquainted with Janie and Their Eyes Were Watching God in January.

The video struck me for a few reasons.

First, American culture in general and pop culture specifically has never been a hospitable place for nude Black women. Let alone nude Black women making high concept music and music videos.

When I saw the video, I tweeted:

“When was the last time you saw a Black womens body and sensuality centered FROM her perspective in Pop Culture? ***waits.”

“Real Spit. Window Seat is THE embodiment of Vulnerable y Fearless. Given the historical treatment of Black womens bodies in pop culture. +And American history. Window Seat feels like a lightweight Corrective for “Venus Hottentott” and thousands of nameless video vixens.”

The second reason that video hit me in my gut because some of my work is on Black Women’s sexuality and pop culture. THIS was the first time that I saw a self possessed Black women express her sensuality, within in pop culture.

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Think about it like this. If you watch Beyonce’s Video Phone you may feel interested in the costumes and the dance moves. However, watching Window Seat you feel propelled forward. #blackgirlsarefromthefuture. Full stop. You sit there wantig to know what happens next. The distinction is the level of both intimacy and vulnerability that one performance has that the other lacks.

As I watched Erykah Badu, I thought of all the semi-nude and might as well be nude women in rap videos whose names we will never know, and if we don’t know their names, why should we care about them and who they are.

And don’t give me that “no one is putting a gun up to their head” to be in a video shit. People Love saying that, but d boys that sell crack “just need to feed they daughter.” Miss me with those. Our choices are limited to our options.

The third reason is that the video reminded me of Renee Cox’s work, in its fierceness, boundary pushing and its centering of a Black woman.

Renee Cox Yo Mama 1993

As I wrote this piece, I remembered that Erykah Badu tweeted a week or so ago that she had done one of the most scariest things in her life. I noticed the tweet and kept it moving. I now wager that, that experience must of been this music video.

I thank her for this, because it is the ultimate in being both vulnerable y fearless, which many of you know are two principles, I try as hard as possible to live by, and that I encourage others to do as well.

Other Reading Posts on Black Women’s Bodies:

I Know Why Zane Sells

Michelle Obama and the Black Female Body

Black Women Property Twice

Buffie the Body is Venus Hottentott

Why is it that we see nude and semi nude Black women so frequently yet this video hits us somewhere else?

Thoughts on Window Seat?

Ummm Hmm, Negro

9:12 pm
Undisclosed Bk Location
Me: Ummm. That was quite the look of Appraisal. What does that mean?

Bacon Grits: Just looking, no appraisal happening.

Me: Ummmp. Umm. Hmmp. Yeah okay, Negro. Rocks in seat.

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New location
Bacon Grits: Ok, so I have been looking at you like that because, when you look at me, its like, you see right through me.

Me: ***Dead. Oh. Okay, thank you for being honest.

#blackgrilsarefromthefuturesowhenspringhappenstheybesuperspringy

When was the last time you had to be like, “Umm hmm negro?”

Lightweight Awesome and Stretched

Jump in the…..

Earlier this week I had a profound encounter with a professor.

She recommended that I “approach my work being a little bit more comfortable with uncertainty.” I turned to her and said, “Dr. Rogers, ummmm I work really hard to do that in my “real life”, so you want me to do this in my scholarly life too?”

#Blackgirlsgotthatmuchwinpoppinoff?

We were going over my a paper idea and she encouraged me to be more open to exploring the unknown, and letting go or suspending the answers that I felt I already had to my questions.

Which brings me to Slow Dynamite. This cat has me intrigued and is forcing me to stretch. He’s attentive, straight forward, light weight outtapocket, but for the most part, he don’t mean no harm. Actually, means a lot of good,with real. clear. boundaries. Full stop. (Apparently, so do I and so we bump heads. Two stubborn negros.) And states it explicitly. Word?

Its bugged to find a crush then mess around and be someone else’s. I ain’t see that coming. Which brings me back to my
professors comment regarding my being comfortable with uncertainty.

It makes sense, because it totally goes to “I can’t control outcomes.”

You know what it was ya’ll? The negro noticed by blush. Yes, the put it on lay-a-way, NARS bougie ‘ish that highlights the cheek bones and the nose. As Josephine-3:30-Baker “I don’t know Neen’s, a jawn that notices and comments on your blush, deserves at least a second look, a chance.”

Me. “We want two different things.”

Josephine. “Ummmm, yeah, but you could see, I mean, people don’t notice blush girl.”

Eh?

This combined with work, midterms, figuring out summer plans and getting some really good news (praise God) on two fronts last week,
means my hands are full (on the top, peace to Filthy.)
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I am not going to say that its perfect, but then again what is?

Life is good. I am open to that new, the uncertainty.
If you would have told me that claiming my crush would have brought out another, I would have looked at you like you crazy.

And. Now.

I am learning another way of Being.

It feels good.

To stretch.

Oh, and then there’s this one. Senor Food Sabroso aka Bacon Grits.? Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Food.

#blackgirlsarefromthefuturesothatgottobenimble

#acceptanceisblackgirlsbestfriendalongwithaflypedicure

This one is for Moya + T.dot + S.bot for Loving + Supporting me.

You push yourself to do something new lately?

Why is it so hard?

How do you deal with the uncertainty in life?