A few weeks ago I was on a date with Mr. Playful, on the third try of attempting to see that daggumit new Matt Damon flick. I was telling him that dating a Black feminist is awesome because yes means yes, no means no, and everything turns on consent. He just kinda looked at me like, ok, that Feminism, ‘ish sounds cool, I think. Lol.
Side bar: Interestingly enough, I have not heard from him in a few weeks, #GodbemovingPeoplearoundtoMakespaceBecause, Ahem, spaceisneeded?
The manifesta for Come Correct talks about Black feminist sex, but today I am thinking about Black feminist Love, (which are not mutually exclusive, per se.)
Black Feminist Love. Full stop.
So, my little play sister is going through a break up, and when I talk to her, I constantly have to think “What does showing her that I Love her look like in this moment?”
Sometimes it means allowing her to vent.
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Other times it means saying “If the little emails he sends you make you sad, then you have to tell him to stop. Contacting you is a privilege, not a right, your psychic space is YOURS to protect.”
Black feminist Love means holding people accountable, suggesting books that they can read to help them be more nimble thinkers. Black feminist Love means understanding that until we deal with our trauma and relationships with our parents, we will NOT be able to connect and have meaningful deep relationships as adults. Black feminist Love means pulling your homies aside and telling her that she is fucking up, without humiliating her. Black feminist Love means standing by the idea that everyone has the right to be who they are. Black feminist Love means forgiving your father even though he abandoned you when you were a little bear, because we grown now and being mad at poppi is not what the streets want. Black feminist Love means that we understand that Love is transformative, precious and a gift.
So yeah.
Love.
#Boom.
Any thoughts on the ideas around Black feminist Love?
This made me get up and dance!
Black Feminist Love is for everybody.
That last paragraph is the business! And this right here: “Black feminist Love means forgiving your father even though he abandoned you when you were a little bear, because we grown now and being mad at poppi is not what the streets want.”
It’s a welcome reminder. Next week will be 21 years since my father passed away, and it has been even longer since he walked away. But because I recently reconnected with my long lost sister, his other daughter through facebook (!), and because in finding her again (for the very first time in many ways) I have become acutely aware of the profound loss he represented, I am having to revisit emotions (grief, disappointment, and maybe even some anger) that I thought were long past or handled. But this is a reminder to keep moving forward with (Black feminist) love as a guide. Thanks for this.
Your words and thoughts are so passionate. I love this site. Do you have any suggestions on books that promote healthier relationships within women’s circles? Any recommendations would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
@Laticia
Girl. Thank you.
The Road Less Traveled is one that I have found interesting.
Black women and Love by bell hooks rocks as well.
-R
Thank you.
Thanks girl. This is beautiful, powerful and true! This line especially resonated for me: “Black feminist Love means understanding that until we deal with our trauma and relationships with our parents, we will NOT be able to connect and have meaningful deep relationships as adults.”
Jessica (Nunez) turned me on to this post through facebook. So glad she did!
This is my first time posting here, but I’ve been reading your writing like folks useta be on them Zane and Omar Tyree and Sistah Souljah books. Like folks useta be on them Zora joints. I have a lot of questions, but mainly:
What’s your formula for Black Feminist Love? How’d you find your way to it or grow into it? And most of all, how can people help you pass it on?
First of all, Thank you Amadaneus.
Really, like Zane and them. Word? Perhaps I can work with the women of @betcomecorrect to do some posts on Black Feminist Love.
I may have some bandwidth tonight, so let me see what I can do.
Thank you for asking this question. I wrote the post in a moment of passion and anger but it seems to have went over well. Lol.
Thank you for reading,
-R
I stumbled across your site a few weeks ago and I’m just now making my way back to it. However, after reading this, I have to say that I’m leaning towards becoming a regular.
As many have said before me, this is moving and beautiful…
Black Feminist Love is not something that they nurture here in the Deep South, but I am happy to have found your site. It gives me hope. Thank you.
This made me cry. I just broke up my friend. No drama, nothing just the realization that I need LOVE.
“until we deal with our trauma…we will NOT be able to connect and have meaningful deep relationships as adults. ”
that Black Feminism love u so beautifully write about is what I want to give out. But dealing with my fears keeps holding me back.
Thanxs 4 that post.
So…in other words..its another term for being a Christian?
“Black feminist Love means that we understand that Love is transformative, precious and a gift.”
—
Yes. This. Thank you.
Awesome observation Reynaldo.
-R
Oh Little bear. Once we realize that our needs are not being met, if we stay and turn ourselves into objects, or can leave and embrace the unknown. #Wingsup. I am proud of you.
-R