When Fahn Strangers Try to Dominate Me.


Yesterday I was on the train platform and I was walking past a REALLY handsome gentleman. Like Denzel if he were a pulman porter in the 40′s, but still like 30 though. Square jaw, chestnut colored skin and impeccable eyebrows. 

He was like “Hi, How are you” (smiling while I type).

I responded, “Well Hello Dahling.”

He said, “What are you doing.”

I respond, “Flirting with you.”

He retorted, “You call that flirting?”

I was stuck like chuck. And said, “Wow, wait, people never come back as witty as I do.”

So he proceeded to introduce himself,  looking me dead in my grill, never blinking. ONCE. #OOWWWW.

He then proceed to ask me where I was from, and he took out his cell phone and was like whats your number.

I was like, umm, do you sell things, or is your train coming because it feels like you are trying to close the deal.

He was like nah, my train isn’t coming.

I was like, wow, I am use to being the direct one.

He was like, oh, well you shouldn’t be.

Record scratch.

I was like what? Yes I should, we both should.

He was like yeah well, “I am in control right now.”

Red Flag. Red Flag. Red flag. Even though you FAHN (peace to @thepbg) my intuition told me to roll out.

I was like dahling, when is your birthday?  He was like oh, I’m a Taurus, I was like oh, I’m sorry, I don’t to date you all or Leo’s and said good bye and walked away.

What makes a grown man think he can tell a woman in the street that he doesn’t know, that “he is in control.” I’ll be like, and I’m from the future. Bye boo.

Lol.

I don’t care what  say…I am waiting for my Spring Aquemini. #yerp.

#AllcityTells.

Was he playing with me or was he serious?

He really think that ‘ish is cute?

Comments

  1. He was #deadass serious & he KNEW he was FAHN lol

  2. No Leos? I’m offended…

  3. i dunno. it’s very possible that it was simply a joke gone bad.

  4. Men like this one crack me all the way up. He knows he is FAHN and thinks that is license to ill! #GTFOHWTBS!

  5. @Msdailey
    Girllll. You know If I write, it has a point to it. He was Fhan. But he wasn’t a sweet bear. Feel me?

    @MZ LOLS.
    One of my oldest readers. AHHHHHHWISH.

    @PBG
    Girl, I don’t know WHAT he thought It was my job to explore, then Keep it moving honey. Old lady rap don’t have time for all that bull ish. #ummhmm.

  6. fahn men need to realize just because they’re attractive it doesn’t give them a carte blanche to disrespect your space. no man looks that good (well there might be one or two).

    @renina it’s like the young buck out that touched your arm and when you said something to him about consent or space he went “but i’m cute?”

    i’m not going to lie and say that i have been complicit at points in my life in giving attractive men more leeway or less barriers. i am trying to be thoughtful and consistent across the board to reinforce this behavior esp. for younger girls or girls who don’t feel comfortable being direct.

    i have no problem telling someone i don’t find attractive that they need to have distance. but if i let the attractive men into my space w/out my consent, touching without asking, dancing and dominating on their terms.. then what will happen if we end of in the bedroom or another public space.

    demanding consent + being direct + negotiating space and control from the beginning gives you a glimpse into the brains and whether they’re even worth dealing with. #workinonit

    ohh men who want to control women….control what they think, what they write, what they wear, how they act in public + private… we all have encountered them, loved them, tried to love them, felt our wings clipped + locked in a cage.

    reminds me that poem that dream hampton posted on twitter this week that i haven’t stopped reading.

    http://warsanshire.blogspot.com/2011/01/poem-eleven.html

    peace.

  7. But didn’t you give him permission to play that game when you told him you were flirting with him?

  8. Hi Deanna,

    Than you for stopping by and commenting. I have a question for you.

    When does the act of flirting become consenting to be dominated?

    ~R

  9. Rachie,

    demanding consent + being direct + negotiating space and control from the beginning gives you a glimpse into the brains and whether they’re even worth dealing with. #workinonit
    ======
    Yes, yes, yes.

    ohh men who want to control women….control what they think, what they write, what they wear, how they act in public + private… we all have encountered them, loved them, tried to love them, felt our wings clipped + locked in a cage.
    =======
    Well, they are socialized to think that this is what masculinity is like. This shit is a lot of work.
    Besides, patriarchy exists in same sex relationships, where one person is assumed to dominate the other.
    Brings me back to its what between years ears not your legs that determines our politics.

  10. I don’t think he dominated you at all nor do I think he was ever in control. He was just talking smack. Is his rhetoric, in and of itself, unacceptable? (I’m not trying to be contrary. I’m just trying to think it through.)

  11. Hi Deanna,

    Thank you for struggling with the questions. Most people don’t want to do that.

    I have a question for you:
    What does domination look like on a daily basis?

    Now, read these two posts, and let me know what you think of this question after reading the posts.

    “The Connection Between Protecting and Dominating Women.”
    http://bit.ly/9vw7Tw

    “Black Women x The Streets x Harassment.”
    http://bit.ly/9vw7Tw

    I look forward to your response.

    ~Renina

  12. Hey Renina! I was particularly intrigued by the thoughts on chivalry in those posts. There’ve been a couple of incidents recently that have made me seriously angry because I felt like a man should’ve stepped up with some chivalry in the defense of a woman. But then I wonder if chivalry should, indeed, be dead if we want to be taken seriously as women. As a white, southern woman in my early 40s, I was raised with some pretty clear ideas about the role of men in the world, but have never conformed very closely to those same ideas about women’s roles.

    I’m also curious if black men treat white women on the street (and in other public venues) differently from black women. I don’t really have any idea, but it’s interesting for me to ponder.

    Thanks for posting that link to those two posts. Good, thought-provoking stuff!

  13. Hi Deanna,

    Thank you for your comment, it made me smile.

    My experience has been that Black men treat Black women differently on the street because of the threat of
    the police becoming involved.

    I have actually ASKED Black men to treat me like I am White in the street. In fact I was walking out of my surgeons office
    when that happened. I will never forget it because it was an office setting and I had a really cute “natural” hair do, and he
    said OUT LOUD that he wanted to run his fingers through my hair. Uh no.

    But then I wonder if chivalry should, indeed, be dead if we want to be taken seriously as women.
    ======
    This right here is why I write.

    ~Renina