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#Intheair #Nosideeye

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Side Eye Wins

I have an “expressive” face, so humans get the side eye
on the reg.

I got back from Bk? Thursday and was having a bite to eat with Slow Dynamite. As I was getting up to leave this Negro, asked me twice,
“How was Brooklyn?” I kept it even. “Bk was awesome, hung
with people that loved me, fed me. The business.”

“Lets check in.”

I’m like we been sitting here all this time, now you want to talk about it when I am getting ready to leave. Hmmp.

#sideeyenegro

He asked one more time, and I was like “Blood, you got something
to ask, do it directly, feel me?” Negro trying to check in and see
what happened while I was gone. I’m like, direct questions get direct answers. But I hemmed and hawed with the answer because I wasn’t sure what his intentions were. Feel me?

I’m like, okay, you neutral, now you nosey, what part of the game is
that? Ummm hmm negro.

On one level I understand, on another level, its like dude, really?

I understand that all this ‘ish is a process, but the hot and cold
ain’t cute. Plus you know how just be “running” into somebody. I realized yesterday that negros RUN into each other, but we ain’t made no plans in a hot minute. Granted I been busy but shit, Negros get E’s for effort. Feel me? Umm hmmp.

Good things come to those who wait, just don’t let her be in the air too long.

Last night I mentioned to SD that Josephine and I be Badun’em. At the time, I had no definition. Looking back, a working definition is that: a.) we do us b.) we (try to) practice radical acceptance c.) stay fly and in the air d.) We are accelerators for other peoples artistic ‘ish. (I have known this for a while, but I am just now accepting it.)

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Oh and I was out reading for my papers on Saturday, and #SideeyeJoseph showed up to the spot, get this, with his wedding ring on. I just met dude. And honestly, we have a lot in common on some social justice art shit. But, you don’t just roll up, on your first time hanging with someone AND NOT disclose that beforehand. You look suspect. I looked at his hand, and tried to remember the married jawn.? He was mid third sentence I was like “Blood, is that a wedding ring?”

“Yes?”

“So you are married?”

“Yes”

“Does you wife know you are out with pretty Black girls?”

[I’m wrong for that but shit man, the writer in me LOVE’S bueno dialogue, plus most people would be too uncomfortable to say something, and I needed to read his body language to asses the response.]

“What are you intentions?”

“I thought you saw it already, I had not mal intentions.”

“Ummp.”

Truth be told. I could have? seen it but it was mad late the last time we ran into each other. In some ways I think we met for professional reasons because he knows some things about Black kids and education that I can totally plug into. But daggumit, for first impressions. Feel me?

In the mean time, Bacon Grits playing me hella close.
Like here is butter>.< here is toast. Ummm hmmm.
Shows interest. Pays attention to everything. Listens.
Ummm umm. Grits. Dare I say even a weee bit too close at times.

I got beef with feeling like I am being surveilled. That’s that East Oakland. I mentioned it, we cool.

I got these two assignments due, my knee getting checked on Thursday (Marathon 2011 Baby), I think, and I am trying to swing a consulting gig AND a UN gig this summer (Pray for me). Ummm hmmm. Life is, ahem, robust.

If I? get this proposal done early, I’m popping up to Philly. Umm hmm. Grit’s? ain’t Grocery’s and awesome bookstores.

James, I Love you, Thank you.

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I have two deadlines this week. So I was up ready to work? early this morning.

I fiddled around last night, so when my CP was sounding like Rosie
from the Jetsons this morning, I flipped out. It would not boot up. I felt like I had slacked off and started beating myself up. I don’t want to ask for an extension from a professor. I kinda sassed her, and don’t feel like I am in the position to do so. I just feel that I need to write my ass off and and just #beablackgirlfromthefuture.

But then again, if I needed more time, I should just ask for it, no?

From this experience I was reminded that I have to ask for help,
and help will come when it comes. Not a minute sooner.

I asked my homie James for help via, text. He’s at work.
It took him 30 min to walk me through the reboot via text message.
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This reminded me that I have options. I just have to sit and think about
it a bit.

And Blam! Back online. Thank God I didn’t call a certain person, almost did, no bueno. Ummp.

Note to self. Ask for help. Somebody will show up.

Trust.

You ask for help lately?
Why or why not?

Sometimes a Heart Can’t Afford to Be Just Friends

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Click on the above image to peep the tweet which says,
“Sometimes a heart can’t afford to be just friends.”

My general rule is that if I am uncomfortable, I won’t do it.

I been number one AND number two before.

Number dos is bad for your self esteem IF YOU really want
the top spot. I was a kid then when I did that shit. I’m grown now.

Saw this tweet and thought it was remarkable, given the
“can we be friends” or “can you have friends” terrain I have
be walking lately. Ummp. Ummm. Ummp.

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happening.

My momma say, “Good things come to those who wait,
just don’t wait too long.”

Phonte’s Just Friends

Amy Winehouse <<Just Friends track.

Became anyone’s “friend” lately?

Had to make someone a “friend”?

Ummmp.

Aye Blood…….

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I am old enough to know that it will go away.

But damn Gina if I don’t miss my friend.

Tonight, I am working on a review of 5 years of a feminist journal. I got stacks of papers, outlines, mo’ stacks of papers. The goal is for us to start thinking about the places that we would like to publish, places where our work will fit.

Hard assignment.

But it is the kind of thing that will allow me to KNOW a journal that I would like my work to be in.

Sometimes, there is nothing harder than accepting that you
have to let that thang go.

What’s perhaps even more difficult is when the person
was your friend, and that you are similarly situated
in life, in terms of work. That cha’ll went or will soon go through
the same shit.

In fact, this assignment is showing me how historians are like
lawyers in that they stay putting stuff into seperate categories,
then analyzing the categories. I have been thinking in terms of
categories and themes for the last 48 hours to make this assignment pop off.

I am close to God tonight.? I’m tired. Imma work till 12, then lay it down.
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I would imagine he may read from time to time. So,
if you catch this Love, I am doing a review of 5 years
of the journal Meridians and the papers are awesome:

“Guantanamo: A Feminist Perspective on U.S Human Rights Violations” by Victoria Brittain

“Never Innocent: Feminist Trouble with Sex Offender Registries and Protection in a Prison Nation” by Erica Meiners

“The Future of our Worlds: Black Feminism and the Politics of Knowledge in the University under Globalization” by Grace Kyungwon Hong

“Hip-Hop Honeys and Da Hustlaz: Black Sexualities in the New Hip Hop Pornography” by Mireille Miller-Young

Back to 2nd person.

I know that he would appreciate not only the fact that I have this assignment, but the pedagogy that the professor is using in terms of getting us to do the assignment. She just said DO it. No guide. It is forcing us to stretch.

I COULD call a grad school homie, but we all doing the same assignment. At home, pressed, reading, trying to make sense of it all and meet our deadline.

I am grateful for this blog as a place to work it out.

Thank you for reading. Especially you T.dot. You inspire me.

Fearless y vulnerable,

~neens

Two Heavy Post’s

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Concurrently, I am working on John Mayer jawn,
and a jawn on my new idea about how society is going
break into a global gated community and bifurcate
around food and the internet.

Light stuff, hunh?

The good thing about having these ideas, is that they
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you all is invaluable.

The hard part is sitting down and writing them.

I also hoped my RSS feed update worked.

Oh and I KNOW that I need to install a search bar. Working on it.

~neens