At 12:34 I called home. I went to set my alarm on my phone. I saw a missed call.
Home. I called back.
Only to find out that the little bear I baby-sat passed away. I assumed, car accident, drive by……
Only to learn that he took his life.
I am so fucked off in the game Gina.
I knew this child when he was 6 and I baby sat him for dough to pay for BART to got to Lick-Wilmerding, a FANCY prep school in Frisco.
Working class Black girls always have to work.
I curled up in a ball on the floor crying.
I talked to him in August, right before comps, he was thinking about Medical school. We laughed. I told him about Goldy.
How in the fuck do you get over losing a 23 year old that you consider to be a little brother.
Through God I guess?
If I could, I would cancel tomorrow’s class.
I will probaly just explain to them why my eyes are swollen.
I feel like a failure as a play big sister. Not to say that I could have saved him. Because I couldn’t. I just feel like I could have checked on him, more. You know?
Dadddy just said that when someone is ready to leave earth, they ready to go.
You can’t stop them.
I still feel like I am in a daze.
I hope little bear got some peace where he at now.
Loved ones aftermath of suicide is the devil.