Yesterday I decided to forgive SD.
And voila, he appears and I was given the space to say it in person.
Mercury in retrograde. I see you.
Honestly I wanted to keep the forgiveness to myself. But what good is that?
It was bugged in that when we saw each other he reached out for the greeting hug and I ain’t flinch.
I ain’t been seeing you. We don’t speak. AND you reaching out?
Uh.
No.
I have no problem with breaking social convention in order to preserve my physical autonomy. Who else is going to preserve it for me?
I do NOT do the compulsory hug. Full stop. Don’t touch me without my consent.
However, this creates displeasure http://www.donssite.com/truckphoto/Picture-of-Blue-peterbilt-stepdeck-Fergus-Truck-Show-2011.htm levitra on line for their females. Netiquette is to never donssite.com online viagra send an angry email. You can consult your doctor to ask about your order. viagra no prescription Hence, men should buy cheap viagra try this link never opt for undergoing a surgery.
Then he asked, please Renina, can I hug you?
I said yes, and, lets talk blood…
The east coast social circles of Artistic negro people and the folks who support us, are very small. So choosing to hold on to the anger, the hurt, required the kind of investment, that I was no longer willing to make.
It just struck me, walking to the train yesterday, #allcity, let it go.
This man knew I adored him, and he got at my girl on what I believe to be some petty shit. And I was focused on that. However, once I realized that I played a role in creating the conditions for a getting at to take place, forgiving just seemed MORE like the right thing for me to do. I had to hold myself and him responsible for that.
Anger is powerful but #LoveisStronger.
#ummhmm
You forgive anyone lately?
Why it be so hard?
You forgive then wish you could take it back?
i love what you share because it is relatable in major ways for me.
i recently forgave myself after acting vindictively towards my ex-boyfriend. i apologized to him and he forgave me, which didn’t really make me feel better. i was good only after i forgave myself.i forgave myself for still struggling with wanting a friendship with him but having a lot of resentment.
and I GET YOU with wanting to keep forgiveness to yourself. i do it a lot. so much. but i think it’s a dangerous thing to do because we may get comfortable in holding onto it and it can potentially be some kind of mindgame we play…. forgiveness is to be shared.
i have never forgiven someone then wanted to take it back. however, i’ve become better about forgiving and then communicating some sort of expectation about how i’d like to proceed with the relationship, no matter what kind of relationship it is. and that’s helped.
Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl.
however, i’ve become better about forgiving and then communicating some sort of expectation about how i’d like to proceed with the relationship,
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Yup…I said…So long as you know how to treat Black girls like they from the future, we aiight. #ummhmm.
forgiveness is to be shared.
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I was surprised that I was so honest, and honestly I *said* that last night.
It kinda electrified the moment…just created some space to share.
The fact that we don’t speak and Aint seen each other but he Materialized smelling all good…I was like word God.Imma have to say this in person tonight. Er. Ok.
Hence those 3:15 am. *tumberlings*…luls..about having heart….
“The fact that we don’t speak and Aint seen each other but he Materialized smelling all good…I was like word God.Imma have to say this in person tonight. Er. Ok”
it always has to happen that way, right?
are you ever gonna put “black girls are from the future” on a shirt and sell it? cuz if you don’t, i will.
are you ever gonna put “black girls are from the future” on a shirt and sell it? cuz if you don’t, i will.
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#luls. Was thinking about it today as a 2011 goal.
Here are some excerpts from something that I’ve found valuable in helping victims. There from Dr. Elaine Walton’s 2002 presentation on “The Role of Forgiveness in Healing from Abuse” at “Embracing Hope,” an annual conference on abuse at BYU:
.
“In spite of the common adage, forgiveness is not about forgetting—it is about remembering in a more meaningful way.”
[…]
“In spite of what we may think we learned in Sunday School, forgiveness is something we do for ourselves—not for someone else. Whether the abuser is deserving is irrelevant.”
[…]
“Forgiving doesn’t mean becoming naïve or stupid—it means giving up the investment in staying angry.”
[…]
“Forgiving frees the forgiver from replaying the hurtful scene over and over.”
[…]
“Forgiveness implies a change of heart. When we say, ‘I forgive you,’ we are saying ‘I have stopped being angry with
you.’ Forgiveness also conveys a change
in the victim’s expectations. For example, he or she no longer seeks recriminations or tries to get even. Genuine forgiveness is a process, not a product. It takes time and is hard work. It is a voluntary act which gives meaning to the wound, disengages the offended from the offender, and frees the injured person from the ills of bitterness and resentment”
[…]
“Forgiveness is the process through which the injured person gains peace, freedom, self?acceptance, and release from self?pity; through forgiveness wounds are healed. It is a privilege to forgive, because forgiveness really is for the benefit of the victim! It may be easier to forgive if the offender repents, but victims should not be dependent [up]on the repentance of the offender in order to experience the freedom that comes with forgiveness.”
.
Link for complete video or transcript: http://www.byub.org/talks/Talk.aspx?id=1149
I just getting ready to write a post about how my blog readers know some things about me that I would rather keep between me and Jesus.
Honestly manaen I was so happy to see your name, because in many ways you have seen me struggle over the years with exactly how to forgive. I still have the forgiveness DVD you sent me.
I woke up this morning w/ clarity. I am powerless over him and he is over me. First step. Being a moth to the flame is not in my best interest and I need to not touch him with a “ten foot pole” like my momma says.
Merry Christmas to you and your wife.
Love,
Renina
Renina, how gracious of you — thanks.
We may need time to be able to forgive; it’s part of the human condition. Some advice that I like is, “Keep a place in your heart for forgiveness, and when it comes, welcome it in.” If we can’t forgive now, accepting the need to forgive and that it will have to be in the future can bring peace now, facing in healing’s direction and having the patience that healing requires.
A few years ago, I talked with the Director of UCLA-Harbor Hospital’s drug treatment program for unwed mothers. From working in a mental hospital and other experiences, I knew this would be a stressful place for those who worked with these women so I asked the Director (who we’d call a Sister) how she kept the staff from burning-out.
She answered that their clients unload on the staff and that management was there for the staff to unload. We do best when we have someone for unloading and when we make wise choices about who this is and who this is not.
I’m glad that I may have been able to support you in some way. I’m inspired in this both because I care for you and because I care for the struggles you take on against the world’s deficiencies. Your passion in these struggles has energized me in countless ways to do what I can here on the west coast and I thank you for it.
Your clarity about powerlessness actually is empowering; it frees you from what you cannot do — change someone or compel their restitution for your injury — and allows you to focus on the power you hold to go about creating a better world for yourself.
Dear Wife and I wish you a happy Christmas also, my friend.
– manaen