Speaking to Jonzey Saturday I brought up the video of Regis touching Nicki’s behind on Live with Regis and Kelly (@1:42 sec). Listen to him say “looks like you are wearing a little strap there.” #sideeye
Jonzey responded saying, “I have thoughts about it, and they are different from yours.” Isn’t it awesome when your friends ALREADY BE KNOWING your arguments?
She argued that because Nicki Minaj holds herself out there as a sexual object, with hyper cartoonish hair colors and provocative clothing, then she will be treated like a sexual object.
I bit my lip and thought, she is right I disagree.
So I responded, wait, that same rationale is used to justify raping women. The argument goes, well, she is a ho, she wasn’t wearing panties, she asked to be raped. Jonzey said it wasn’t analogous. She is right, it ISN’T analogous, but the thinking is the same in that it places responsibility on the person acting, not the recipient of a non consensual touch.
I then asked her about the Adrian Brody kissing Halle Berry at the Oscars. She said, no that wasn’t the same because of how Halle holds herself out there.
She then brought up Diana Ross fondling Kim’s breast at at the VMA’s in 1999, 11 years ago.
And I asked if that was analgous to Regis touching Nicki and she said yes.
I bit my tongue.
Then finally said, “Girrlllllllllll. You know Imma have to write about this conversation. You know I don’t agree with you about this. I routinely get treated like a sex worker in the streets, especially in the summer time.”
I continued, “No one has the right to touch me, unless I consent to it, regardless of what I am wearing. That goes for Nicki and Kim or whomever.”
Besides, historically Black women have been seen, as a result of the ideologies of slavery as “Natural Ho’s” and most of rap music nor representations of Black women as hypersexual or invisible or as mammies certainly hasn’t helped in terms of refuting this.
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So um no.
Regis wrong.
Adrian Brody wrong.
Diana Ross wrong.
Don’t touch me/us.
Full stop.
Oh and for more context. Peep this old post “Buffy the Body is Venus Hottentott.”
Moya wrote about this too @ Crunkfeminists.
Women’s Media Center sent out a open letter to Regis. One paragraph caught my eye,
“A highly toxic media environment and sexual harassment in workplaces, streets, and public spaces is a daily reality for women in the United States. Sexual objectification and harassment in the media injures individual women and perpetuates this climate.”
You see the video?
What do you think?
Do women who hold themselves out as sexual beings invite and consent to being touched?
If yes, do Black men, by virtue of being born Black and Male invite and consent to being touched by police?
Saw the video. Regis was bugging. When was the last time he openly groped a female guest on live television.
BTW, the rationale is the same. I’ve heard it often from some friends. Unfortunately they do not understand why they’re touched or groped because they dress conservatively, pretty much covered from the neck down. It doesn’t matter how you present yourself, folks are generally taught to keep their hands to themselves.
There are two similar incidents that happened live on stage but the outcome was different. Jay Leno tried to hug Mary J. Blige after a performance. She flinched and stepped away from him. Leno looked really awkward on live television.
On BET, John Salley attempt to wrap his arms around Sade after her performance. She simply to one long stride away from Salley. He looked awkward but the message was sent. It’s show business but it says something when celebrities make unwanted contact loud and clear. Just two small moments in television history that made me think.
Wow.
This context is effin awesome. Its cool to see it happen to other women, and for their to be resistance to it captured as well.
I wish I had video footage.
Hottentot Venus was the first thing I thought about when I saw this clip. *sigh*
Hi, long time no see. Regis was definitely out of line, out of control and out of character. Even the “hard” comment that he made later displayed the fact that he was quite undone. He’s a professional, it is his responsibility to control himself if only for that reason. I don’t see sexy dressing necessarily as an invitation (though it is often purposely used as one). of course no one has the right to touch someone without their consent. however, we as thinking beings, have to know by now that the world is demented and the fact that men like Pavlov’s dog respond to visual stimuli is not news. Neither is it news that women use this fact to their advantage. She goes out on a date exposing about half (if not more) of her breastisis as much leg as their shapeliness allows (I’ve never had good legs but was still guilty of this), and then she perhaps coos and ooos and ahhhs all over him like she’s trying to sell him a very expensive watch (a whole different story btw) and then she’s completely insulted if he wants to have sex! In short—she’s done everything she can to BE SEXY that is to invoke sexual feelings, and when she does, she’s insulted. Go figure. Should she be allowed to wear whatever she wants without being molested? Yes, she definitely should. Should she be ready to face obvious possible consequences i.e. she might have to end up filing a law suit? Somebody might mistake her outfit for a uniform because she is dressed exactly like the streetwalker that he picked up last night? She might as well be ready. This is the world she lives in. Cause and effect is real.
Here’s a parallel that shows what’s going on here. Anger management was the subject in 2nd Call’s (2ndcall.org) Dysfunctional Family Impact Session Tuesday night. We discussed how anger is a secondary emotion that may follow primary emotions such as hurt, jealousy, betrayal, or frustration. The secondary emotion of anger is a response that we may choose among many ways to respond to the primary emotion. Nobody can make us angry; it’s a choice we make, although it may not seem so because we aren’t aware of other choices. (cf Maslow’s observation that if the only tool we know how to use is a hammer, we’ll view the world as a nail).
It’s a matter of understanding who has responsibility for what. The offender’s / careless person’s actions trigger the primary emotion e.g. frustration. The respondent chooses whether to become angry and so to act angrily.
As for Regis, Niki’s action in appearing as she did triggered a primary emotion which apparently was lust. Like anger, though, he had a range of choices about how to respond to it and he choose to touch her.
IMO, she’s responsible for her choice to present herself in a way that triggered that lust but he still is responsible for his choice to respond as he did. (So, was he or she wrong here? Yes, they were.)
As karen said, the cooing, ooing, ahhhing woman dressed sexily for a date acts insulted when she receives the response she provokes. Bad idea by her; bad idea by him.
I hear you re anger being as secondary emotion and I agree with that.
With regard to Regis and Nicki, no one has a right to touch another.
As human beings we are reflective and we have agency.
My clothing has nothing to do with another human being, nor does there’s have anything to do with me.
AND as a Black woman who is treated like a sex worker on the streets of DC in the summer, I will tell you honey that the gendered comments are all about domination and rendering me as prey.
Because of the history of Black womens bodies and reproductive labor being dominated by white slave owners…nah. Never acceptable to touch. Evar.
So we should all wear burqas?
Hey Raja,
That’s an interesting question. What do you think?
~Renina