On Becoming Bleek Gilliam, On Becoming Janie

If you know me you know I can’t stand no Bleek Giliam nor the people

who remind me of him.? Yet I tend to date them anyways. #Ouch.

Bleek Gilliam is Denzel Washington’s in Mo’ Betta Blues who Loved his Boo’s and often Loved his art even more.

Last week, I realized why I hate Bleek so much, because in many ways I am him. Arrrrrg.

Earlier this month at a little Libra function two different people I dealt with were there.

The night went fine until the next morning when I learned that SD got one of my best girl friends.

I was like “Aye Blood, How you gone get at her knowing that I Love her, that shit was real sloppy.” It was then that I realized that he ain’t got no code, and because of that he dangerous.

It was one thing for him to BRING a pretty Black girl to the function, I expected that I wasn’t excited but she we grown, let it do what it do. It was another thing to holler @ my homie. Feel me. Sloppy!

He subsequently apologized and said he was ashamed but you know what blood,? its been awkward ever since, which is a reminder that that shit ain’t right.

I was very careful with the invitations. I prayed on them to be honest. What I didn’t do is give the right of first refusal and say, “Aye Blood, so and so gone be there, so you better have some act right” or ” you may or may not want to come, just an fyi.”

A couple of days later when Sbot learned what I did, she said call Bacon Grits, quick. I listened to her and I was glad I did. He suspected something was fishy and because I am taking some time to fall back and focus on my classes and teaching this fall, he knew we wouldn’t be talking to me as much, so he decided to wait to say something.

By bringing it up, I showed both integrity and a willingness to admit that I fucked up. He recognized that what I did wasn’t malicious, but still, I ain’t know.? I now realize going forward that I need to give folks the right of refusal.

I learned in that conversation that he was angry enough to stop dealing with me. I got #shook.

So how am I Bleek?

Bleek had his Love Bears. He also LOVED his work, his art.

I realize that as much as this quality irritates me in the people that I date, I also find it attractive AND I can also be the same way. Arrg.

A lawn can add great viagra prices charm to the beauty of your place. To apply for this offer first you must visit the portal once. cialis without prescriptions PK Gupta buy cialis overnight provides many treatments like Nightfall Treatment in Delhi, Penis Enlargement treatment, Erectile Dysfunction, impotence treatment, etc. If the spouse or child is in order generic cialis http://opacc.cv/documentos/CodigodeEticaeDeontologiadaOPACC_28.12.2015.pdf removal proceedings, the law also offers relief based on battery or mental suffering previously endured. You see I was hurting a couple of weekends ago. I told BG I was gon’ fall back, pray, listen to my heart, and get some work done.

I got A LOT of work done, but my life was so quiet without the constant hum of our contact. Phone calls, text messages, etc.

I was like dannnng. What if he meet somebody else in the meantime.

What is I gone do?

I can’t control that though. It is what it is until it ain’t.

It was then that I realized that this dude is in a whole OTHER category because he centers his relationships with his friends and family. He PUTS THEM over money. I know very few people like this, let alone Black men. (No shade to Black men, but ya’ll be representing #teamPatriarchy-A man ain’t a man unless he go stoopid dough, real hard.)

I understand how valuable and precious this is. Full stop.

At the same time I know I am driven and attracted to that? passion, a plan, conviction and commitment, OTHER Bleeks.

Court Bear,my datingn co blew my byrd up when she said people in general, men specifically, are rarely good at both as they are not socialized to be. Plus learning to be good at relationships takes time and a willingness to learn, like being good at anything. Arrg.

Which is brings me to Bleek. Ms. Nikon Jawn shared with me on Thursday that women are socialized to “give up their ” lives in pursuit of a partner. That sounds like a fertile ground for growing resentments.? And that this is a part of the reverb that I am feeling.

Trust. I am rooted in desire.? This is where Janie comes in. Janie looking for a bee for a her blossom, moving on when husbear number one or two wasn’t doing her right. I try to treat people humanly with the tools that I have at the moment.

I don’t know WHAT to make of all this. What I do know fer show, is that the outcome of none of this is mine. Honestly when I admit this and my Bleek tendencies, I feel better. I also feel better when I admit that it is my job to seek advice, listen to my heart and apologize when I fuck up.

#blackgirlsarefromthefuture.

yzr.

You know any Bleek Gilliam’s?

Does that analogy make sense?

Do you be Bleek too?