I am a dancer.
I have been since I can remember.
When I was 8 years old I won the dance contest at the California State Fair on 4th of July weekend.
#yup.
Dancing on a stage in front of thousands of people, and an audience comprised of mainly White folks and my parents.
Dancing earlier this week had me thinking about how space is gendered. And by gendered I mean ideas about “men’s” and “women’s” roles are so powerful that they shape how men and women interact AND the roles become amplified in certain spaces.
The streets and the dancefloor are two space that come to mind, but in this post I am going to focus on the dance floor.
Dance Floor Experiences.
Well, last week, my cheek brushed passed a heterosexual identified gentleman’s. He responded, “YO, your cheeks are mad soft.” They are, I have cubby cheeks, they run in my family. He then leaned in to touch them again.
I leaned back matrix style then responded saying, “You have to get consent first.” He then asked.
This reminds me of how much negotiation goes in Black women’s bodies simply BEING in public spaces.
I think that the dance floor is the first place were I was comfortable claiming my autonomy and space even as a dancer kid and teenager.
As a good dancer, people naturally GIVE you space, because they enjoy the performance.
I am now only beginning to put all these pieces together.
In fact it wasn’t until I was dancing in August that Green Eyes, pointed out to me that I am a space clearer. It makes sense, because I need space to dance.
But the reality you simply need space to BE.
Because I am a dancer, I am not really the kind of person you want to stand next to and hold your drink and watch woman’s asses move.
You will get pushed out. Static energy on the dance floor blows my steez.
I move deliberately like a New Condo in a working class Black and Latino neighborhood. #pow.
The party dance floor is a politicized and gendered space because of the alcohol, darkness and music. In some ways it creates an environment where men feel entitled to grab, touch and feel without consent.
This behavior is not innate, they are not born like this, they are socialized to think that it is okay. It is not.
Two years ago I wrote about the politics of the dance floor where a White woman felt comfortable enough to kiss me. In that post I quoted Benjamin Mako Hill who states,
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Booty bass is not just playing around with the idea of the dance floor being highly sexualized. In practice, it?s about serving the sex market and all about glamorizing and making palatable, laughable, and perhaps even justifiable everything that happens in that market.
Sometimes it’s not just about making fun of, toying with, or hinting at sexual domination in a safe context like the dancefloor but about creating, quite literally, a soundtrack for the real thing.
Thinking back, that was some radical shit for a White dude to say. #ummhmm.
Negotiating Space and Bodies
Last night I had a dance partner that wore my ass out. Like. Wo’ out. And that rarely happens.
There was two stepping. A little Bachata. The wop.
We danced through an ENTIRE Prince set. In fact I think I mentioned that I was a dancer… after that I remember being spun around in the air. #yup.
Nothing like a hand in the small of your back spinning you above the crowd.
However, I do recall a moment where I was like “Imma need you to move your hands two inches higher.”
He did.
Hands on my ass is not tolerable unless I consent. Full stop.
Dancing Sexy is “Ho” Shit.
Because I dance passionately, it is often misread as being sexually accessible, which means that ostensibly, I cannot just dance with anyone.
Dancing passionately is really about me having a conversation with the DJ.
As Professor Imani Perry says, Black dance is discursive, a conversation. I agree.
The question for me is who is conversatin’. <<<< I am wrong. I know.
Hope
Oh, there was also a moment last night that I will never forget when the DJ played Nirvana’s Teen Spirit. Honey. An entire room of Negro people jumping.
I am not one to say that hip hop can solve problems as a “culture.” People committed to solving problems solve problems.
What I will say is that I felt the power of a room full of folks jumping. The energy was …I don’t know, it just gave me hope.
Dance floor politics?
Women, how do you deal with this?
Have any gendered dance floor experiences recently?
This was great!!
A big butt & a smile & a good dance = yeah I need to get next to you.
2 words #beatit lol
I must have space on the dance floor and I must have space to BE!!
Love this!!
Little bear.
Happy new year.
We need to get that coffee.
And thank you for commenting and reading.
#muah!
Thank you so much for this post, Sis. It was hilarious, beautiful and fun. I never get swung around but I do get lightly tossed and turned. I’ve been a dancer all of my life as well and I could relate to everything you said. It’s interesting because it’s clear that my body autonomy and love of dance have often led to me dancing by myself, which is also fine. You’ve inspired me to write more about this. I wrote something a bit earlier for a show and it’s hilarious. Will share in the future!
Thank You!
I Love this piece too.
Like a lot.
This one and the Assange one really get at the kind of Black Feminist voice that I want to write more in, except for maybe less cursing. Lol.
I didn’t know you were a dancer. (Black) dance parties are hard to find…so I am glad you do.
Share you link…My readers read and would apprecaite your voice as well.
~Renina
Was reading this my google reader and had to chime in…as a black man who has become a dancing junkie. Difference is, i spend most of my time in salsa clubs…
Equally political and completely different spaces. In a lot of cases at the hip hop spot ive noticed that men can’t/don’t/won’t dance with women, if anything they dance AT them. Not as all dissimilar from being hollered AT on the street. When i was younger i couldn’t deal with that space. guys trying to sneak up behind women to grab a dance
I also don’t endorse buying women drinks…starting an interaction with me buying something requires a #fullStop.
When I started going to salsa spots, the gender politics definitely come into play again. this dance has a lead and a follow, both with roles to play #balance. Unlike a hiphop spot, its not just about the lady doing her thing and im along for the ride. salsa im putting in as much work as her, more if she’s inexperienced. I could dig that. it actually gave me more space to be masculine. I can approach a lady and ask to dance. no sneaking required. I’ve had much better success just meeting people under these circumstances…
now having said that, there is a lot of ego play at the salsa spot. guys doing things just to prove they can-occasionally dangerous. again dancing AT the women, not with her.
now sometimes i will see groups of black women who are out to give the salsa a shot…but still have the body language of being on the defensive. since i want folks to have a good time- good karma for all the people that danced with me when i was horrible- i’ll dance in eyeshot of them to prove i know what im doing + that im not creepy #showAndProve. then spin one of them on the floor. good times had by all. and then occasionally there is the look of surprise/relief when there is no post-dance attempt to holler. im just there to dance.
-AIII
Alvin,
This is really interesting. As I said on Twitter, I don’t think I have as much of an investment in maintaining the gender roles as you do (correct me if I misread you), BUT I really like the comparison of the two spaces salsa floor, boom bap floor. Its kinda like a case study.
In a lot of cases at the hip hop spot ive noticed that men can’t/don’t/won’t dance with women, if anything they dance AT them. Not as all dissimilar from being hollered AT on the street.
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Dancing @ me and not with me….hmmmm.
Its sooooo true. I walked up and ASKED someone to dance last week. He is a human being, not an object, lol.
starting an interaction with me buying something requires a #fullStop.
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Ummmm…Stella please..
Unlike a hiphop spot, its not just about the lady doing her thing and im along for the ride. salsa im putting in as much work as her, more if she’s inexperienced. I could dig that. it actually gave me more space to be masculine.
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What does being masculine mean?
And why does THAT need to happen on the dance floor?
I can approach a lady and ask to dance. no sneaking required. I’ve had much better success just meeting people under these circumstances..
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Makes sense, you are treating them like a human being not prey.
Awesome…thank you for sharing. Salsa dancing next for me…meh thinks…#WeAintReady..
Its sooooo true. I walked up and ASKED someone to dance last week. He is a human being, not an object, lol.
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Yeah there is definitely more of that at a salsa spot. boom bap spot that is a rarer occurrence. Allows the women to initiate on her terms. I love dancing with a woman, and she’s like “do you wanna dance again?” #whyYesIdo
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What does being masculine mean?
And why does THAT need to happen on the dance floor?
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in this space it means being the lead of the dance…and I’ve always had a lot of difficulty taking charge, so this avenue was a good place for me to work on that shortcoming. Whats great about it is that while I’m initiating and directing, I’m being fluid and adapting to how she’s responding. Developing that sensitivity has been phenomenal-salsa is personal development for me…
I haven’t gone out dancing in YEARS, but when I did, I did so often. I was known to leave many men dancing by themselves. I would tell them once, “If you keep moving up on me like that, YOU WILL BE DANCING BY YOURSELF!”
My friends would often tell me, “I can’t believe you just left him on the dancefloor?”
I refuse to have someone I don’t know, or don’t feel comfortable with, rubbing on me.