I was riding through Ohio the other day on a road trip toMichigan.
Filthy was looking for NPR when we settled on the Michael
Baisden show. I was intrigued because the show was about
whether a woman, a wife, has the right to “Go on Strike”and
hold out on sex from her husband. Seeing as my research
interests are women and sexuality, I was intrigued about the
possibilities that the discussion presented.
So, I am listening to the show, and at 6:40 Baisden says to a caller, “If you were
my woman, not feeling like it is not a reason to give me some.” Word?
At 7:53 Baisden says, “If you are not in the mood, just lay there and take it.”
[Laughter].
The woman caller says that if she doesn’t feel like it she isn’t doing it.
Then Baisden’s co-host says, “Your feelings are obselete, your feelings don’t
matter for 30 minutes.” [Laughter].
Record scratch.
I understand that withholding sex from your partner is a very serious
matter and typically indicative of other issues going on in the relationship.
However, “You should just lay there and take it” is a very serious line of
thought and action for Black women for many reasons.
Think about it this way.
We are raped at a higher rate than all other women in the United States.
We are murdered at a higher rate than all other women in the United States.
We are beat by our intimate partners at a higher rate than all other women
in the United States.
According to study conducted by the Department of Justice, African
American women:
- …were victimized by intimate partners a significantly higher rates than persons of any other race between 1993 and 1998. Black females experienced intimate partner violence at a rate 35% higher than that of white females, and about 22 times the rate of women of other races. Black males experienced intimate partner violence at a rate about 62% higher than that of white males and about 22 times the rate of men of other races.
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According to the study published by the Africana Voices Against Violence, Tufts University:
- The number one killer of African-American women ages 15 to 34 is homicide at the hands of a current or former intimate partner.
- In a study of African-American sexual assault survivors, only 17% reported the assault to police.
I was waiting for Baisden to insert some kind of disclaimer, and
say, “Ya’ll know I am just playing, I don’t want you all to call here
cursing me out”, but he didn’t.
Baisden’s comments got me to thinking. I am currently in the
middle of writing a review to Steve Harvey’s “Act Like A Lady,
Date Like a Man” and I couldn’t help but think
about about how the Black male talk show hosts are just as
patriarchal as some of the rappers.
Really what is the difference between Snoop saying “Bitches
Ain’t Shit But Ho’s and Tricks” and “Just lie there and take It?”
Granted the show mellowed out a bit when Baisden brought
on a therapist, Dr. Gail Saltz who specializes in relationships
and sex, but the statement had already been made.
Baisdens comments are also interesting because,
in the United States, it has historically been permissible for
a husband to have non consensual sex with his wife.
We had no legal standing to refuse to have sex with our husbands.
The courts position was that getting married meant a lifetime
of permanent consent. This meant that a wife could not be raped.
So you mean to tell me we have rappers, blogs and talk
show host’s trashing us? I’m cool on those.
My contention is that every time you visit a site, play a tape,
listen to a show, you are voting.
Why vote for a man who thinks that non consensual sex with your husband
is okay or that you should just lie there and take it, is okay?
Why do we passively accept Baisden’s actions?
What does a healthy Black Female sexuality look like if we
are just lying there and taking it?
Who is he getting money with?
It’s weird to me that a woman would seriously call a radio show to discuss her sexual options. There are so many things wrong with what he said, my head is swimming.
And I think that’s tied to passively accepting Baisden’s actions in that there’s so much of this anger floating around us — where to start?
Educating him on how to show respect for his human partners and recognize the hallmarks of a healthy relationship?
Educating women to revise/refine where they seek advice on their lives and how they see their sexuality (i.e. something that doesn’t need the approval of men and/or society)?
Boycott him?
See I could keep going with the questions. Personally,
I choose helping women rethink their relationship to their sexuality and reconfigure their concept of a healthy intimate relationship.
And not listening to Michael Baisden.
We can educate/boycott him, but he is just an agent for the system in which he benefits from his patriarchal privilege. Call him out, yes. But educate men, not just him.
Reading that link about marital rape was disappointing in that only in **2003** did all 50 states define martial rape as a criminal act, but some still have ‘an element of that exemption’. Disgusting.
It’s weird to me that a woman would seriously call a radio show to discuss her sexual options.
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Why is it weird. Everyone EXCEPT for us talks about OUR sexuality. Its about time that we do.
Educating women to revise/refine where they seek advice on their lives and how they see their sexuality (i.e. something that doesn’t need the approval of men and/or society)?
====
Thinking about this.
The issue is that Baisden is getting some serious GM money, feel me. But other women, not just us would have to care.
Let me be clear, it took me walking around with a white dude for me to understand the extent to which some Black men saw me as property.
@Kandeezie,
Thank you for stopping by and commenting.
But educate men, not just him.
======
What does educating men look like?
I am not being snarky…Im so sincurre.
It’s weird to me that a woman would seriously call a radio show to discuss her sexual options.
======
Why is it weird. Everyone EXCEPT for us talks about OUR sexuality. Its about time that we do.
It’s weird to me because I am confused by someone choosing a circus clown for validation.
You’re bookmarked based off of this post alone.
I definitely agree, about the voting. That’s why it always trips me out when people watch things every day and get pissed off. I understand the whole “keep your enemies closer” deal, and I understand that you need to keep an eye on ppl so you know how to attach em…but I just refuse to watch it, because I don’t wanna contribute to it at all.
As someone who covers and loves hip-hop, my response may be a bit predictable, but it’s definitely true that people outside of artists are just as guilty for spreading messages that are hateful/harmful at worst, and inconsiderate at least. Though hip-hop has a reputation/stigma of being that way by default, so radio hosts are off the hook. And I think that people consider hip-hop as a genre to be more influential than radio hosts themselves, which is why radio hosts are ignored while rappers are protested against.
Another key point is that women’s rights in general are ignored, esp. in comparison to race rights. And it’s been that way even since the civil rights movement. But yet another point is that misogyny is damn near the default now, to the point that people feel like it isn’t even worth talking about it because they feel that it won’t have any affect.
Ketchums,
You’re bookmarked based off of this post alone.
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Thank you. That is why I write.
Im curious, How did you find the site?
As someone who covers and loves hip-hop, my response may be a bit predictable, but it’s definitely true that people outside of artists are just as guilty for spreading messages that are hateful/harmful at worst, and inconsiderate at least.
==============
Your comment reminds me that I need to do a Hip Hop/Negro/White/Male/Female/Lesbian/Gay Misogyny Chart.
You may enjoy a piece that I wrote for Racilicious a year ago.
Me, Patriarchy and Mobb Deep.
http://www.racialicious.com/2008/05/08/hip-hop-patriarchy-my-struggle-with-mobb-deep/
Enjoy!
But yet another point is that misogyny is damn near the default now, to the point that people feel like it isn’t even worth talking about it because they feel that it won’t have any affect.
=======
Yeah. Ok. But Black women held this country down when the it was just a seed. Black women played an integral role in all the social movements in the country WHETHER it was recognized as not. For me, it is irrelevant whether people WILL go for it, as I see it as my purpose to spit my shit regardless. I told God I would. I got to keep it even.
Hello.
Baisden has been like that for a minute, very self-righteous and kind of screwed up. Some times he like to play the devil’s advocate to incite his audience and keep it interesting. Some times he is dead serious. I stopped listening to his show a long time ago because he really thought he was schooling folks with some nonsense.
There are a number of cases where a wives have accused their husbands of rape.
I’m interesting in your review of Harvey’s book. I haven’t read it yet but make sure you check out this book with the same theme and title written years earlier. http://www.actlikealadythinklikeaman.com/
She has some serious difference with Steve Harvey’s book but from what I hear they’re basically the same.
@ Vee,
Please believe.
I have heard about Ms. Carson’s book.
She needs a good attorney, as far as I am concerned.
Perhaps I will have the review up tomorrow.
Not only are radio show hosts as misogynistic as rappers, so are preachers and R&B artists. They just use words with more than one or two syllables.
Hey Brother Omi, thank you for stopping by.
Not only are radio show hosts as misogynistic as rappers, so are preachers and R&B artists. They just use words with more than one or two syllables.
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Awesome.