Dating with Contracts

Monday Morning Breakfast
Scrambled Eggs with Cheddar & Bell Peppers,
Wheat Toast & Watermelon Prepared by Filthy Supreme

I was recently reminded of a beef I had with Filthy last February.

It arose when he asserted that in the past he would
let women know up front that he wasn’t interested in a long
term anything but would continue to hang out. In his mind

this absolved him of any responsibility for a woman
catching feelings

This conversation initially started off as a discussion about
how he dates. ?Because we have first jeans, first date hats,

first date hair cuts, and my favorite, first date eye shadow,
we are not really being ourselves when we begin dating.

He mentioned that he approaches it with?the intention of?
not subscribing to societal gender roles?because those roles
don’t allow people?to be themselves on their first Dates.?
His rationale is that when we wear the first date gear, we are?
not being ourselves but someone who wants to avoid rejection.?
The idea is that we perform gender norms to avoid rejection
from a potential partner.

Needless to say, I was intrigued.?

While I thought that the gender role theory was very
bell hooksian of him, I had a problem with the notion that telling
a woman up front that he wasn’t interested in something long term
absolved him of any responsibility if and when she caught feelings.

My rationale is that if we are eating together, catching flicks
together, Barnes and Nobling together, then you are doing
the things that I would DO with my dude.
And to sit there, marinate, benefit and soak it all in, without
concern for the title or duties associated with receiving such
benefit is short sighted and selfish. Besides being on the take
like that is a sure fire way to cultivate a stalker.

Welcome to dating with contracts.

To be fair, I have been on both sides of the the equation. On one side, I am
hanging out with the someone who I DO not want a title with, but enjoying the
benefits just the same. Then there is the other side of doing partner type
labor without the partnership title.

We fall in love meal by meal, flick by flick.

I was reminded of all this last week when Mean Sexy and I were talking
about someone she met recently and the time they spend together.
She has a desire to keep it low key but stays hanging out with dude.

Getting it in.

My line for Filthy was the same for her, which is “With every meal, you
grow closer, not further apart” so if you want space you have to stop
eating with him. But ya’ll know how it is.

Good cooked food. Long Saturday mornings. The warm and fuzzy’s
feel good. But those warm and fuzzy’s require work.

Saturday nights dinner.
Pesto Pizza with Artichoke hearts & Mozzarella.
Courtesy of ‘ya boy.

Our exchange reminded me of a notion from Junot Diaz’s Drown
where he talks about relationship break-up velocity. His rationale
is that once the break up is
on the horizon, there ain’t really
nothing you can do to stop it.

I hate admitting that. Hated it. Hated it. Hated it. But he is right.

Try as you may. Its unstoppable.

I would also say that there is relationship start up velocity.

You may not think that the time that you are spending
with this person, the breakfast, the movies, the long good byes,
are just good clean fun, but seeds are being planted and someone
is bound to catch feelings.

M Dot Does Dallas: Birthday Gristle Edition

If you would have told me last year that I would be living in
the Bay
and spending my born day in Dallas, I would have been like,
shut the f- up.

But I am, and its interesting.

The dope thing about coming
home is that you are around people that love
you NO
matter what.
They don’t care about a fancy job,
law degree, your career aspirations. They
just love you on g.p.

They are also obnoxious as SH*T, but hey, thats my fam.

Living in New York, I forgot what that felt like and I was never home long
enough to let those sentiments bubble to the surface.

Last year, Mean Sexy and I had a birthday jump off.
Our birthdays are a day apart.

I drove BL crazy last year. Buying balloons, schlepping Trader Joes
chicken and lemon grass fritters, veggie dumpling hor’d’eroes,

mixing a BIG -SSED Pot of Sangria.

Have you ever tried driving in a car full of balloons? Tons of fun!

Birthday parties are hard work.

And now we are at a new year.

I came to Dallas for this one and its dope.

Its warm, the Barnes and Noble is Big as sh*t and
its my first OU/TEXAS weekend. <<<---I just wanna see the Cowboys. As far as life in general goes, Im in a New/Old City, I got a new gig, and Sweet Jesus appears to be
positioning himself to be filing taxes
with me, lol.

Speaking of men, why your boy the graduate gonna e-mail me
last week talking about “I saw someone last week reminded me of
…..” I just looked that the screen like, you ain’t want me, but you liked
having me around and now you send THIS Messages?
I didn’t respond to his last e-mail in August talking about
“Can I asked what happened?”, so I hope he doesn’t
think that I am going to start doing so now.

My rationale has always been, MUCH to the CHAGRIN of N*ggas
that if you ain’t my DUDE then you can’t expect shit.
CONVERSELY, if I ain’t yours the same applies.
And trust, that led to some VERY disappointing summer holidays
for me.
But, my code was “he ain’t mine” so I had to stand by that,
nah mean?

N*ggas bugg me out with they unsolicited-Asperger-influenced

I guess he misses me and that is his way of communicating it.

Men. Go figure.

Back to life changes. In the grand scheme of it all, honestly,
I am just happy to be able to read a West Elm catalog
and go into Ikea without thinking about all the lovely
furniture that I had hobbled together for my BK apartment,
then gave
away when I moved.

I will say what was really helpful was talking to TMR
(the resident Katrinian), my momma, and my aunt about
how they recovered from losing mad sh*t when
they moved or just LEAVING ENTIRE apartments/houses behind.

With regard to the gig, it is with a non-profit, and they want me. So that
feels good. For the record, why do employers think its okay to
treat employees, temp or otherwise like WARM BODIES?

Talk about divesting in your OWN human capital.
CEO’s and Human Resources NEED TEACHIN’.

Any hoo.

After working in the M & A in an investment bank for the first time (for
a VERY short period of time) in my life
I realize that the only way I will thrive in that environment
is if a white
man with authority has a vested interested in my remaining there.
Otherwise, I can see myself- albeit talented, shrewed and hardworking,
getting FROZE the F*CK out.


What new changes y’all going through?

You watchin’ college ball?

Y’all heard the new 9th Wonder?


Libertarian Tales.

10 Reasons why I got sprung on TL (The Leo).

1. He grabbed me in public.

2. We had an entire conversation about guns and this.

3. In the first conversation he told Black women,
no matter how mean that are, are little girls at heart and
just want to have that recognized from time

to time.

4. This n*gga was a card carrying member of the NRA.

5. He told me I had a _____ me face. Lol.

6. He read Feds & Don Diva.

7. Taught me the correct pronounciation of Camus. [Kam-OO]. [Not Kam- US].

8. He told me that I was treating the relationship like “work product” and that
work relationships and personal relationships were differnt. (It found it to be a
a nice way to say lighten up).

9. I knew within ten minutes of our first conversation that he was a liberterian.

10. Was full of conviction re his beliefs about justice, the government and the future of this country. Even when I didn’t agree, I felt him on the strength of his commitment to his worldview.

Then it all fizzled away. Like dammmn.

But you know me.
But there is another Cat, the Pet Dectective (PD), who is creeping on the creep up come up. He likes him some M.Dot, so I will keep yall posted.

I wasn’t checkn’ for PD that hard @ furst. But, you know how you think somebody is gonna be just a friend, but then the start acting like YOU MIGHT wanna take ’em off the bench.

Calling when he says he would. Making complements @ the right moments. Telling me how he likes lips and legs. LOL.

LOL. We will see more about that in May.

Mean Sexy, the educational jeanius, encpuraged me to continue to have t tunnel vision between now and finals, and I agree.

Im stubborn. But she is right. And honestly, it feels good when I know that I got up, ran, read cooked, blogged and went to sleep, so I could get up and do it again.

I was itchn to go to brunch today yall. Really itchn. Like feenin.

But I told myself, the groceries are here. Cook. At. Home.

Because, brunch was not in the plan.

Innver voice was like: take ya hot @ss to the library and outline the HEARSAY exceptions.

So, I just completed my furst 11:30-8:30 library bid.

I sat there so long my neck hurts.

And on top of that, I left the phone @ home. ON PURPOSE.

Its amazing how distracting it can be.


Can it be, that it was all so simple?