White Husbands and Black Maids: from Drylongso

Gimmie a Break on You Tube, for a refresher on Black maids

I read Drylongso by John Gwaltney while working on The Crack Project. Drylongso is an ethnography of? Black people in North Eastern cities in the late seventies. Ironically, The Graduate (the man for whom I played number two a few years back//that was fun, and he is now my friend) recommended that I read it.

I am glad that I called him and asked for his help (he is a historian) as reading Drylongso helped me to conceptualize why oral histories are really a powerful and important tool for documenting the lives of Black people.

But for introductions to the individual chapters, and a fourteen page introduction,? the book is? mainly testimony straight from the people that Gwaltney interviewed.

Gwaltney sums up his intentions with writing Drylongso when he says,

…I share the opinion commonly held by natives of my community that we have been traditionally mispresented by standard social science.

…This is not therefore another collection of street-corner exotica but an explication of black culture as it is perceived by the vast majority of Afro-Americans who are working members of stable families in pursuit of much of the same kinds of happiness that preoccupy? the rest of American society.

…far often than not, the primary status of a black person is accorded by the people he or she lives among. It is based upon assessments of that persons fidelity to the core black standards. the categories “real right” and “jackleg” cover the spectra of statuses…

Rereading this book over the last week, I was moved by how Black women theorized racial relations between them, white men and white women.

Now, quiet as it’s kept, these white men try to rule their wives like that too. And if they can’t beat them, then they toles them with nice things. If my husband had encouraged my children to go out here and treat some woman the way white boys have tried to treat me, I would leave or he would have to leave. But that’s because I do not need a man to feed myself. White women don’t, either, but they think that they do, so they just put up with all this stuff that they should not stand for. Now just like I have to get out here ad hit it, they could too…

I have worked for many white women and most of them did not have the sayso any more than I did. Not as much as I did sometimes. If I had been the kind of woman that they might find in bed with their husbands, there wouldn’t have been anything that mot of them could do about that commonness but maybe? get their husbands to fire me. Now, that won’t work with black women because Black men don’t have anymore than we do. How I’m gone boss you if you got just as much as I got? ~Nancy White

Three white women that I have worked for have had the nerve to ask me to go to bed with their sons, and one, bless God, even had the nerve to ask me to take off my clothes for her husband. These were fully grown women with children of their own. Now can you imagine a black woman doing a thing like that? Hattie or Rennie or Nancy, anyone out here, will tell you something like that. To white people, your feelings just don’t count for nothing. Nothing counts to them except for what they want. ~Alberta Roberts

I thought her comments about race, and white women, work and power were incredible.

“How I’m gone boss you if you got just as much as I got?”

The assumption here is who ever got the dough, has the right to dominate. Which if you have been reading my blog for the last month, is Patriarchy 101.

We rarely talk about the the connection between Black and White people,? the power relationships that arise when it comes to work and labor.

In fact, prior to the 1960’s most Black women worked as, nurses, nanny’s and maids, as that is what society saw them as being naturally fit to do. With integration and the creation of affirmative action, Black women were able, and all women for that matter were able, to attend school in larger numbers and obtain fancy jobs, sit down jobs, city jobs, academic jobs.

Have you ever been a nanny or maid? for a family of another race?

Have you ever hired a nanny or maid of another race?

How did that work out?

What do you think of Ms. White’s comments?

Black Men x Love x Domination

Carry Out the Four Modernisations of the Fatherland (2007) by Kehinde Wiley

I have been thinking a lot Love + Domination + Black men.

Two weeks ago, I had a fever and couldn’t sleep so I was up dumb early, and I decided to re-read bell hook’s “The Will to Change” and I found that it offered a straight forward analysis of why Love is the opposite of domination and how patriarchy is the glue that holds this domination puzzle together.

hook’s main argument is that when we raise our boys not to feel they grow up to become men who do not know how to Love. #ummp.

I will provide some excerpts from the book below, along with some comments.

Men and Change

Men cannot change if there are no blueprints for change. Men cannot love if they are not taught the art of loving.

Consider this blog post and the other post, on Black masculinity as an effort to open, and continue a conversation about Black people, Black boys + men and feeling.

On Love and Domination

To know Love, men must be able to let go of the will to dominate. They must be able to choose life over death. They must be willing to change.

Game for Free on Women’s Unwillingness to Deal with Men in Pain

We cannot heal what we cannot feel, by supporting patriarchal culture that socializes men to deny feelings, we doom them to live in states of emotional numbness. We construct a culture where male pain can have no voice, where male hurt cannot be named or healed….Most women do not want to deal with male pain if it interferes with the satisfaction of female desire.

This kind of hit me in the gut because I asked on Twitter about men being allowed to feel. And MZ (if I recall correctly, I didn’t screen cap it:/) stated that men can express their feelings to women, but women may not be receptive nor willing to hear it.

This floored me.

This forced me to think about the times in which I did not want to deal with the man when he was in pain.? I then asked myself, did I create the space for such an expression to occur. I stay thinking about it, not just with men, but with my whole crew and with myself as well.

Defining Patriarchy

Patriarchy is a political social system that insists that males are inherently dominating, superior to everything deemed weak, especially females, and endowed with the right to dominate and rule over the weak and to maintain dominance through various forms of psychological terrorism and violence.

Gives a whole new meaning to listening to “Bitches ain’t shit but ho’s and tricks.” #ummhmm.

bell hooks on Loving a Man But Resenting His Feelings

He was right. It was hard for me to face that I did not want to hear about his feelings when they were painful or negative, that I did not want any image of the strong man truly challenged by learning of his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Here I was , an enlightened feminist woman who did not want to hear my man speak his pain because? it revealed his emotional vulnerability.

Feminist need to reflect on how we treat people too. We human. We make mistakes. We grow. #Ummhmm.

Men Women and Power

We claim our power fully only when we can speak the truth that we need men in our lives whether we want them to be or not. That we need men to challenge patriarchy, that we need men to change.

Wow. Talk about we are in this together.com. I Love when writers remind me of this.

The idea that how we raise our boys shapes the kind of men that they will be is incredibly interesting.

Isn’t this a more useful discussion than “why heterosexual middle class Black women can’t find a ‘good’ man?” #ummhmm. Peace to Negro men and women who talk about Black women to pay they mortgages and car notes.

Why is it that we force little boys to suppress their feelings then we are surprised that they turn into men who can’t feel and simply want to dominate?

For men readers, have you shared your feelings with a woman recently? Was she receptive? How did it turn out?

For women readers, to you give the men in your life space to be in pain and show emotions other than rage/anger? How does this work.

REALLY looking forward to your feedback.

Akon, theTeenager and Sexual Power.

Photo’s courtesy of Hollywood Grind.


The Issues.

1. She is underaged.

2. She snuck out tha house.

3. Her “body” sans face, looks mature.
However, that face. Says teeny bopper.

I analyze gray sexual areas w/ vigor.

When I saw the stills @ Gotty’s house, I was like, oh, here is a teenager, who got a little in over her head.

Then came the Video.

The Video killed it for me.

I immediatly thought,


1. If she did consent to being on stage with him, what in fact does she consent to?
a. General backing it up?
b. Any and everything?
c. Whole hog Juve pump and jump.

2. At what point is Akon liable?
a. When did he cross the line?
b. Was there a line to be crossed?
c. When does entertainment cross the line?
When I was watching the video, all I could see was this shiny, muscely backed dude, dominating a woman. (All of the Black Male Buck slavery esque sterotypes started runing through my brain.)

And trust.

Thats cool.

Some women avail themselves of being dominated.

However, what does it mean when you avail yourself, and you get more than you ask for?

Back to the video.

At first, I had ray J video flash backs. Like Umph. Akon got handles, it look like, made a “mental note”.

Then the more he moved around, I realized that SHE WAS JUST REACTING to him.


She was initiating NOTHING.


Is a TOXIC combination.

At that point. The line was crossed.


Such a heavy post for a Sunday night. And I was just looking forward to writing about The Clipse and Oprah. Will post that tomorrow.


"Just like every rapper wants the baddest video chick on his arm, so do AGs."

The Village Voice has an article on how young lesbians agressive’s (ag’s) embrace hip hop thug paradigm for the purposes of appearing hard.

When you go to the club and you’re an AG, your mission that entire night is to find the baddest femme in the club and make her your girl,” says another woman, who calls herself Don Vito Corleone. “Just like every rapper wants the baddest video chick on his arm, so do AGs.”

I have allways had a problem with the idea of women who embrace women but take on a male persona as the main WAY of appear tough, ’bout it and handling yours.

Rap videos have long provided men of color with milestones on their journeys to manhood. From being a successful street businessman (Notorious B.I.G.’s “Ten Crack Commandments”), to learning how to treat a woman (Dr. Dre’s “Bitches Ain’t Shit”) and protecting their manhood (50 Cent’s “What Up Gangsta?”), guys are told how to be indestructible, sexually assertive, and in general, badasses. The misogyny and homophobia implicit in that message has long raised the hackles of critics. Oprah Winfrey and columnist Leonard Pitts Jr. made news recently for saying “enough” to the influence of rap’s rougher edges on black culture.

My problem with it is not that they do it, but that that persona is appears to be the only acceptable viable “tough, hooded up persona”.

Im sure women can use their imaginations to be tough, fierce and gully in a variety of ways. No?

“These AGs have a disrespectful mentality, and they get it from men, hoodlums, dudes that are in the ‘hood all day,” says Kysharece Young, an AG, rapper (“Ky Fresh”), and freshman at Monroe College. “They act like a bunch of little damn boys that ain’t got no sense.”

The issues that face young women face young men as well.

In 2005, filmmaker Daniel Peddle chronicled the lives of AGs in his documentary The Aggressives, following six women who went to lengths like binding their breasts to pass as men. But Peddle says that today, very young lesbians of color in New York are creating a new, insular scene that’s largely cut off from the rest of the gay and lesbian community. “A lot of it has to do with this kind of pressure to articulate and express your masculinity within the confines of the hip-hop paradigm,” he tells the Voice.

I knew from the tone of the article that the writer, Chlo? A. Hilliard, was either brown or had an urban history. Then I found this out about her. She was most recently and editor @ the Source (scroll down, after you click to get her article).

She is hella fresh.


Ohhhh. Wu Tang Renunion Doc just came out.
I can’t go.

But somebody needs to go and tell me about it.


This right here is worth seeing it:

Capturing onstage and off with equal energy ? at one point only the inspired freestyling of artists like Redman and MC Supernatural stand between Mr. Weisberg and an all-out riot ? ?Rock the Bells? is a fascinating glimpse of a dreamer and a music culture that has always depended on dreams.


Opens today in Manhattan.

Directed by Casey Suchan and Denis Henry Hennelly; directors of photography, Jeff Bollman and Leif Johnson; music by J. Force; produced by Kurt Dalton and Henry Lowenfels; released by Seventh Art Releasing. At the Two Boots Pioneer Theater, 155 East Third Street, at Avenue A, East Village. Running time: 103 minutes.


Think imma lay of the posting for a min. Unless.

Um. Unless something de.lic.ious happens.

Baby on the right kinda bad.

I planned on posting this last week.

But I got Imus’d.

On a more curious note. I wonder what the Jesse, Al and Oprah would
think of these women?


Back Packer Week Interrupted. Newt Gingrich is Lying, Cheating Adulterer. Nice!

Mr. Contract w/America. Mr. Get N*ggas off Welfare. Mr. Welfare to slave, ahem work fare




@ss the whole time he was investigating Bill and Monica L.

WASHINGTON – Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich acknowledged he was having an extramarital affair even as he led the charge against

President Clinton

Gingrich argued in the interview, however, that he should not be viewed as a hypocrite for pursuing Clinton’s infidelity.

“The president of the United States got in trouble for committing a felony in front of a sitting federal judge,” the former Georgia congressman said of Clinton’s 1998 House impeachment on perjury and obstruction of justice charges. “I drew a line in my mind that said, ‘Even though I run the risk of being deeply embarrassed, and even though at a purely personal level I am not rendering judgment on another human being, as a leader of the government trying to uphold the rule of law, I have no choice except to move forward and say that you cannot accept … perjury in your highest officials.”

Who about moral accountability dude?
He basically saying. So What I got some p*ssy. Jesus gone forgive me. Im human. Plus, at LEAST I AIN”T LIE LIKE BILL CLINTON.


I love human beings and their mischeviousness.


Um. Friday Political Quickie.