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What in the Name of Venus Hottentot is Going on With Regis Philbin?

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Speaking to Jonzey Saturday I brought up the video of Regis touching Nicki’s behind on Live with Regis and Kelly (@1:42 sec). Listen to him say “looks like you are wearing a little strap there.” #sideeye

Jonzey responded saying, “I have thoughts about it, and they are different from yours.” Isn’t it awesome when your friends ALREADY BE KNOWING your arguments?

She argued that because Nicki Minaj holds herself out there as a sexual object, with hyper cartoonish hair colors and provocative clothing, then she will be treated like a sexual object.

I bit my lip and thought, she is right I disagree.

So I responded, wait, that same rationale is used to justify raping women. The argument goes, well, she is a ho, she wasn’t wearing panties, she asked to be raped. Jonzey said it wasn’t analogous. She is right, it ISN’T analogous, but the thinking is the same in that it places responsibility on the person acting, not the recipient of a non consensual touch.

I then asked her about the Adrian Brody kissing Halle Berry at the Oscars. She said, no that wasn’t the same because of how Halle holds herself out there.

She then brought up Diana Ross fondling Kim’s breast at at the VMA’s in 1999, 11 years ago.

And I asked if that was analgous to Regis touching Nicki and she said yes.

I bit my tongue.

Then finally said, “Girrlllllllllll. You know Imma have to write about this conversation. You know I don’t agree with you about this. I routinely get treated like a sex worker in the streets, especially in the summer time.”

I continued, “No one has the right to touch me, unless I consent to it, regardless of what I am wearing. That goes for Nicki and Kim or whomever.”

Besides, historically Black women have been seen, as a result of the ideologies of slavery as “Natural Ho’s” and most of rap music nor representations of Black women as hypersexual or invisible or as mammies certainly hasn’t helped in terms of refuting this.

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So um no.

Regis wrong.

Adrian Brody wrong.

Diana Ross wrong.

Don’t touch me/us.

Full stop.

Oh and for more context. Peep this old post “Buffy the Body is Venus Hottentott.”

Moya wrote about this too @ Crunkfeminists.

Women’s Media Center sent out a open letter to Regis. One paragraph caught my eye,

“A highly toxic media environment and sexual harassment in workplaces, streets, and public spaces is a daily reality for women in the United States. Sexual objectification and harassment in the media injures individual women and perpetuates this climate.”

You see the video?

What do you think?

Do women who hold themselves out as sexual beings invite and consent to being touched?

If  yes, do Black men, by virtue of being born Black and Male invite and consent to being touched by police?

My Daddy Ain’t No Feminist

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Saturday I was talking to my daddy and was catching him up on my week. I told him I was reading this awesome book on Billie Holiday, If You Can’t Be Free Be a Mystery by Farah Griffin,  and that I was having a public conversation with another writer, a Black man, about the importance of having a working understanding of gender analysis if one is going to examine race in a meaningful way.

My father responded, well, Renina,  racism, sexism and homophobia are connected.  I sat there speechless. Quiet.

I didn’t expect him to say that.

That the man who raised me says things like this is telling. My dad the retired truck/bus driver.

You see, he went back to take some college courses at Merritt College (a community college in Oakland) in 2005 in his late fifties. At Merritt he took a class on Black studies with Dr. Love and they read Paula Giddings “When and Where I Enter.” In fact, HE read the book before I did.  We are both readers.

The fact that my father said this to me illustrated something that I haven’t been able to put my finger on in terms of my conversation with Ta-Nehisi.

I am not asking Ta-Nehisi to become a feminist, I am merely asking him to show me the same respect that I showed him and his work and read something that I have suggested. Furthermore, looking back, the reason why I picked up Nixonland (which then led me to finally start the book club here) because Ta-Nehisi recommended that I read it when I asked him for a book that would help me to understand the electoral politics of the 60’s and 70’s that would lead us to the dope game fresh era of the 80’s.

Framing the conversation as me asking him to become a feminist is lightweight absurd.
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It reminds of some kinda Black feminist one drop rule. If you read one work, your shit might turn like that press and curled hair in the rain. <<<#turrible aren’t I?

My daddy ain’t no feminist. But having read Paula Giddings book he can say matter of factually that racism, sexism and homophobia are related, and I would imagine if probed we could discuss why.

Side bar. My daddy also read Malcolm’s Autobiography when I was 14, after I read it. It had a pretty profound effect on me, as it tends to, so my dad wanted to know what was going on. He read it too, and it impacted him as well. In fact, as I write this I realize how our journey’s as readers was connected. Because my dad is a working class Black man, I have had the working assumption that working class Black men read. I am learning, that this is false. I am finding that this isn’t the case, especially, as I date.

Friday I ran into a friend of mine, Mr. Fantastic, who is a historian as well and he chatted with me about this conversation I have been having with Ta-Nehisi.  He said something pretty daggumit profound which was, “Who is responsible for telling both sides of the story and why?”  and “Is there more than one side.”  I don’t have an answer, but I am thinking about it. These are the kinds of things that historians say. #Theybekillingme.

Why is the fact that I am suggesting that a text be read  being framed as asking someone to become a feminist or even a gender analysis expert?

Maybe my daddy is a feminist or perhaps an ally? Luls.

Thoughts?

How old were you when you read Malcolm’s Autobiography?

Rap Blogs + Feminism, an Uneasy Marriage

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Via Complex (Really awesome post on “dead” rap magazines.”)

In May of 2009, every since John posted the nude pictures of who is largely speculated to be singer Rihanna Fenty, I haven’t felt the same way about rap music.

When I saw that he posted the pictures, I contacted him and we had a conversation about the reasons why he would or would not post pictures of Rihanna Fenty, and I asked him whether I could blog about it. He said no.

It was then that I concluded that  Black women stay being for sale. I say this to speak back to the idea that the internet is some “democratic” space where everyone has a voice. No, power is relational. And as @afrolicious says, the same relationships of power you see on the street, in schools, at the bodega on the train, are at work on the internet as well.

It was bugged out to me, that he wouldn’t consent to me talking about our conversation yet, felt he needed no consent to post nude pictures of who we believed to be Rihanna Fenty.  I remembered saying to him, I know you are not a feminist, but this shit blood, really? I always considered you to be an ally.

This man, at one time, had the password to my blog, and the freedom to take posts as he liked and put them on The Smoking Section. I appreciated it as he exposed my work to a larger audience.

He is also one of the first people online who told me I had a writing voice waaaaaaay back in ’06, when I didn’t even SEE that I had one. Furthermore, in Summer ’08,  when Latoya ran one of my pieces on Racialicous, and it was picked up the the Daily UK’s blog feed, I told John who further explained to me all sorts of nuances of blogging in terms of mining the reader data, tracking ping backs, strategically picking topics to post about to render myself an authority, building my audience. He mentored me and tried to help when he could and I appreciated it.

I also felt like I had an investment in The Smoking Section because I assisted John in navigating the move to Uproxx.  We had our seperate lanes, no doubt, and I wanted to see him win. I read the contract, asked him questions and gave him feedback on what I thought about various clauses. Having had corporations and trademark and I believe I was taking mergers and acquisitions, I had  familiarity with the language. I looked at it as a case study exercise.

By 2009, as I saw his site taking on more and more of the soft porn of eye candy. All I could think is, you can’t figure out how to enhance your quotes without peddling eye candy? Blood, what kinda facts are those?

I asked him something about this, along these lines and he responded, its a trade off. I link to you from time to time, I post the eye candy, win – win. I gave him a side eye.

As a Black woman blogger who sits at the intersection Rap/pop culture and feminism, I have very unique perspective. I am not aware of any other Black woman who has blogged as consistently as long as I have.

Because of this I have had a very particular experience in the blogosphere.

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I remember when I had a conversation with Dallas who argued, and I paraphrase, that the fate of Black people rest on the “respectability” of Black women.  This was based on a conversation around the Duke Rape case. I responded, blood what the ___ are you talking about?  Truth be told, Dallas is the one who named me M.dot, based on the two M’s in Model Minority. It just kinda stuck. He is also the person who encouraged me to write about the Venus Hottentot and Buffy the Body.  This was kind of a game changer for me because it got me thinking about Black women in music videos from a historical perspective.

Lastly my recent conversations with Ta-Nehisi around “For Colored Girls” and the significance of looking at a text around gender when talking about race, are a  part of this pattern as well.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am seeing a pattern here of me challenging or questioning Black men online, and me receiving various forms of “nah, pump your breaks” in response.

My interactions Ta-Nehisi’s and John’s are similar in that I supported them, in the way that I could on my blog or with my blog. These men would have gotten to where they are, regardless, as they seem to be committed to what they do.  What is material to me is that I saw that a line was crossed in terms of Black women, I brought it up to them, and I received a variation of  “nah, pump ya breaks.”

Whats the deal with that?

I have thought about writing this since those pictures were posted in 2009. I just wasn’t sure how. My conversations with Ta-Nehisi has clarified the issue in some ways. In fact a comment on his blog, which was brought to my attention by @tkoed on Friday (by the time I saw it the comments were closed) further encouraged me to write this. I was largely inspired based on a comment at Ta-Nehisis’ blog. The commenter, Sorn writes,

…What I see as the major bone of contention is that TNC is speaking from his experience of being a black man, and Renina is speaking from her experience of being a black woman. The language is the same, but the meanings are different, because meaning –on an emotional level– is ultimately derived from personal experience.

I think there is a fascinating conversation that needs to be had here about how each gender is raised to view and interpret the actions and words of the other. Academic literature is important, but what is more important to me, as a reader of this blog, is how the literature sheds light on experience. TNC has repeatedly written about the relationship between hip-hop and the mask worn by young black men, and in my head I took the post on the misogyny of Malcolm X to be along the same lines as earlier posts discussing the same relationship in hip-hop.

When I read this I was like. Damn GINA! Someone gets it! It was at this moment that I realized that I BEEN had something to say it that was time to say it.

Do you think it is significant that one by one, I have crossed a gender line with a few Black men on the internet?

Where is the space to have what Mr. Fantastic call’s “Healing Conversations” about gender? Would you participate in them?

Other thoughts?

3 Questions on Art and Desire

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Is my work such an integral part of me, that if you don’t get it, I can’t fuck with you?

Is this being dogmatic? Or am I just being honest?

Would I even have to ask myself these questions if I were born male?

These questions came out a conversation with @hotcombpics this morning.

As many of you know I have written about accepting the fact that as much as I hate Bleek Gilliam, I have serious Bleek Gilliam tendencies…hence my hate.

We hate the shit we hate because it reminds us of ourselves.

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As a Black girl in East Oakland, I had to learn to think critically on my feet as Oakland went from pretty Black town to Crackzilla monster overnight in 1986. Why does this time period matter and how is it related? For me it speaks to how I had the develop the courage to trust myself and my instincts. About people, about relationships, when and where to walk, whether or not to go to a party, whether or not to challenge a person as they may have a gun and me talking back could mean losing my life.

In someways my willingness to stand up for myself is rooted in the fact that the cost of learning to think critically is that I can’t do it any other way now.

If I learned to trust my instincts at 15, I can’t stop doing it at 30, even if trusting them means that people don’t know what the fuck I am talking about, or even if it means going against the grain, even it it means losing a friendship that I cherish.

#damnGina.

File this under the costs of being a high achieving Black girl.

Thoughts?

Now That You Got It, What ‘Chu Gone Do With It.

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Yesterday, I was sending an email to someone and I came across an old Law school colleague in the little auto fill jawn, so I decided to look her up.

Be careful when you do that shit.

I did a search and learned via the NY Times that she got married last fall to a FOUNE jawn, that she met in law school as well.

When Black folks make the NY Times marriage section, its not a game.  Black folks IN “the paper of record?” #ummhmm.  I smile every time I see somebody I know in there. The sociologist in me looks at the class background of the bride and groom or bride’s and groom’s,  their education background,  their parents occupation and their ages.

I started beating myself up, like she crazy young, she did really well in L school and she got a boo thang AND they both lawyers.

THE FUCK?

However as I spoke to Court Bear my dating coach I realized:
a. I only know part of her story. And based on my research on Black women’s sexuality over the last month, there is a LOT of performance going on, and I should be mindful of the assumptions that I make based on appearances.

b. When I started Law school, I was engaged, I gave back the ring, and I moved out. So what the fuck was I complaining for. I had it, I walked away from it. Black girls ain’t victims, they make choices. It’s really bugged out when you realize you are longing for something you already had. #Pitypartymuch?
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c. I have been fortunate to have people love me, dirty drawls Love.  I dated a giver this year honey. Once you do that, it ain’t no turning back. The blessing and the curse. This winter/year is teaching me how special and rare that is.

It was like….um, don’t be romanticizing people ish, because guess what, “Now that you got it what chu’ gone do with it.”

I remember the weeks before I moved out.  That August night when I hung that diamond cut diamond (which The Google has just reminded me is accurately called a Marquise, ah,  now I remember honey) around my neck the way Carrie did in SITC. I know, dumb corny, but in some ways I was saying, treat me right or leave me alone.  Shit Carrie did it, I can do it too. #ummhmm.

Peace to #Josephine and Black girls who stay having jobs in recessions and having jawns regardless of the season AND who do searches that bring them reality checks and Love bears. Embrace it, Can This Be Life?

I wrote this post because…


You check yourself mentally lately when comparing your life to someone elses?

Who helps bring you back to reality when you are having a pity party?


You look someone up recently and regret it? Appreciate it.