Yesterday, I was sending an email to someone and I came across an old Law school colleague in the little auto fill jawn, so I decided to look her up.
Be careful when you do that shit.
I did a search and learned via the NY Times that she got married last fall to a FOUNE jawn, that she met in law school as well.
When Black folks make the NY Times marriage section, its not a game. Black folks IN “the paper of record?” #ummhmm. I smile every time I see somebody I know in there. The sociologist in me looks at the class background of the bride and groom or bride’s and groom’s, their education background, their parents occupation and their ages.
I started beating myself up, like she crazy young, she did really well in L school and she got a boo thang AND they both lawyers.
However as I spoke to Court Bear my dating coach I realized:
a. I only know part of her story. And based on my research on Black women’s sexuality over the last month, there is a LOT of performance going on, and I should be mindful of the assumptions that I make based on appearances.
b. When I started Law school, I was engaged, I gave back the ring, and I moved out. So what the fuck was I complaining for. I had it, I walked away from it. Black girls ain’t victims, they make choices. It’s really bugged out when you realize you are longing for something you already had. #Pitypartymuch?
c. I have been fortunate to have people love me, dirty drawls Love. I dated a giver this year honey. Once you do that, it ain’t no turning back. The blessing and the curse. This winter/year is teaching me how special and rare that is.
It was like….um, don’t be romanticizing people ish, because guess what, “Now that you got it what chu’ gone do with it.”
I remember the weeks before I moved out. That August night when I hung that diamond cut diamond (which The Google has just reminded me is accurately called a Marquise, ah, now I remember honey) around my neck the way Carrie did in SITC. I know, dumb corny, but in some ways I was saying, treat me right or leave me alone. Shit Carrie did it, I can do it too. #ummhmm.
Peace to #Josephine and Black girls who stay having jobs in recessions and having jawns regardless of the season AND who do searches that bring them reality checks and Love bears. Embrace it, Can This Be Life?
You check yourself mentally lately when comparing your life to someone elses?
Who helps bring you back to reality when you are having a pity party?
You look someone up recently and regret it? Appreciate it.