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#Ummp.

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I use this image because it captures me, at least that is what my dating coach Court Bear says. Big {Teef} Smile.

I feel like I lost a best friend.

You know how you have a conversation, and you KNOW the relationship ain’t gonna be the same after this one.

Well, that shit happened about a month ago, and it came full circle last night.

The bugged out thing is that this is my cycle in some ways. Almost a year to the date.

School has changed me in ways that I am now only begging to grapple with.

Like the need for serious intellectual activity in a boo thang is real.

Discourse.

When MF Kennedy sent me the Cornel West video on the “orgiastic pleasure” of the life of the mind, and I was like wow, you get something ABOUT me that

I sent the video to nikon jawn AND SHE blushed, like girl, he SENT that shit to you. #ummhmm.
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I know you may be like DUH, you are in a grad school. But guess what, I never experienced in this while in the OTHER 5011 years I been in school, so how should I assume that this time would change me, in THIS way.

I think that’s why I stay referencing Bleek Gilliam, because that character is really a framework for helping me to privilege both the people that I Love and the Love for my work, and it gives me a language to talk about how I negotiate this space.

You know #allcity has a “5 ft. Party periphery” as Maxxxx once said about me.

Peace to Misternash.

It’s hard because he know me to my bones, and I am scared of never finding that again.

And perhaps bone knowing is necessary, but not sufficient. #Damngina.

However My heart don’t pump Kool-Aid, and I don’t control outcomes.

Fearless and Vulnerable.

Always.

Misogyny and Genius: Assange + R. Kelly

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Image via New Black Man.

During my birthday a couple of years ago I was posted up in Philly with Filthy in that awesome Barnes and Nobles on U Penn’s campus.

The Roman Polanski rape charges were being debated in the New York Times and some folks were defending him saying that it wasn’t “rape-rape”, that happened so long ago, or the alleged rape victim retracted her statement etc.

I was perplexed, why was this White man not in jail for raping an underaged White girl?

I thought, if she couldn’t be protected than my ass was grass.

I said this to Filthy and he looked at me, paused, stared at me for a minute, then said, well you know that’s a real working class Black woman’s perspective. I didn’t really know WHAT he meant by that at the time, but I remembered it, because it felt like I was going to need to remember it. Feel me?

Black men have been lynched and Black women have been raped, historically, in the US to maintain the hierarchical, racial,  gendered, social order. This terror was particularly acute 1880’s-1920’s in the south, as the US tried to figure out what a post slavery nation would look like.

Historically Black women are seen as UNrapeable. Naturally lewd, lascivious, fast and promiscuous. The social system of slavery needed us to be seen this way to normalize the domination of our reproduction and our manual work during US chattel slavery.

Because Black women were the two-fer, we worked in the fields and gave birth to enslaved workers, our sexuality was and in many ways still is looked at in a very particular way, even in 2010.

My understanding of this comes from two books.  The first is Terror in the Heart of Freedom: Citizenship, Sexual Violence, and the Meaning of Race in the Postemancipation South by Hannah Rosen and At the Dark End of the Street: Black Women, Rape, and Resistance–A New History of the Civil Rights Movement from Rosa Parks to the Rise of Black Power by Danielle McGuire.

Back to Polanski. Filthy explained to me that in Western Europe prominent, artists, writers, filmmakers, philosophers and thinkers  are placed on a pedastal.

I was like word?

Then peep game, he said for this reason, he holds these folks to a higher standard WHY? Because they have a platform where they can both influence society and consequently play a large(r) role in changing the world.

Louder voice, conceivably bigger impact.

This bugged me out.

How do I get to Assange and R. Kelly?

Well, I was really interested in three things in terms of how the Assange narrative was emerging:

The lack of a clear narrative around the facts of what actually occurred during the week in question. (h/t to @shoutcacophony for the link.)
The fact that people didn’t have the language to talk about both his genius/subversive actions AND the rape allegation against him.

The fact that Naomi Wolf’s stand point on Interpol as the dating police.

The fact that a group of largely White feminists got Keith Olberman and Michael Moore to apologize after being dismissive of Assange’s rape allegations. More here @ the  #moreandme hastag.

    Whats the Assange/R. Kelly connection?

    In 2008 R. Kelly was found not guilty on 14 counts of child pornography charges with a thirteen year old African American who was suspected to be his Goddaughter.

    A couple of weeks ago, on The Facebook a homie made a comment about R. Kelly’s genius, and a conversation ensued about just sorta being conflicted over him.

    I responded:

    It’s bugged. In terms of R.Kelly, if the issue were Race/Rather than Gender, I don’t think we would be so ambivalent.

    To put it another way:
    Could we really rock to some music made by a Brilliant Racist, rather than a Brilliant Pedophile?

    …R. Kelly Married Aaliyah when she was 15. We *Been* knew he was wrong.

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    Why is sexual domination acceptable for men artists who are labeled genius?

    Then again, sexual domination often goes unchallenged on the day to day, so I just kinda answered my own question. 0.O

    In someways its a part of the success package and that troubles me.

    What makes people short circuit when it comes to holding artists and other genius folks accountable for their janky gender politics, pedophilia, rape allegations?

    Because artists influence people, large amounts of people via their art, shouldn’t they be held to a higher standard, not a lower one?

    Why or why not?

    “Choking Women During Sex”: The Life of a Meme.

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    Justin Timberlake tug’s on Ciara’s chain in the Love Sexy Magic video.

    Various conversations have been generated around Jay Electronica’s comments and $20K bet with Nas on whether “All Women Like Being Choked During Sex.”

    Crunktastic wrote a post at Crunkfeminists, “Why Jay Electronica Can Choke on His Own Words.”

    Then Latoya cross posted it on Racialicious.

    Then Davey D linked to the post on his blog and made an interesting comment.

    First he said,

    all women deserve respect and maybe you with hold it when u get disrespected.. This aint a situation where folks need to jump through hoops to earn respect per se especially when they haven’t done wrong…

    Because there is systemic violence against women all over the world simply because they do have vaginas and hence aren’t considered equal with men, then we should recognize that sort of oppression and counter.. ie there’s a woman in Iran who is getting stoned for some male defined transgression..

    The gray text is a good working definition of gender based oppression concisely explained in 34 words. I appreciate Davey D for saying this. Makes my work a bit easier.

    On Crunkfeminists, a commenter provides context for why conversations about “non vanilla sex” are important and the writer emphasizes the fine line between choking and non consensual sexual domination.  Commenter MtnTopFeminism writes,

    While we do have to challenge ourselves not to have gut reactions against kinky or nonnormative modes of sex, that fact doesn’t get all forms of sex off the hook. It is critical that we engage in discussions that focus on the varying levels of sexuality and how pleasure cannot be restricted to vanilla norms. At the same time, it is also important that while we are open to new expressions of sexuality, we never lose sight of the dangers associated with them.

    …Within a BDSM relationship trust becomes the main component. It isn’t just about “I like to get slapped around.” There is much more there. Without that open communication and honest dialogue, many practices, including erotic asphyxiation, are highly dangerous and even deadly. Not only that, but it isn’t just women who like to have such things done to them…a fact which is often ignored. Without discussing the three main tenets of BDSM—safe, sane and consensual—we head toward dangerous territory by merely accepting any discussion on kinky sex at face value.

    Latoya cross posted Crunktastic’s post on Racialicious. And peep game. The sister of the woman who was at the concert and spoke up read the post and left a comment. (The internet amplifies offline sound and light, via @afrolicious).

    Speaking of @afrolicious she mentioned this in the comment section around having expectations for artists gender politics. She writes,

    I learned a long time ago not to trust an image, especially that of a rapper. As much as I want hip hop to respect me as a woman, I don’t get that often, even from the best of the creators. Additionally, I don’t expect progressive gender politics from most people, so to some extent I’m not disappointed.

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    It’s not a perfect rationale, but it’s how my filter works.

    I hear her rationale,  and it is most certainly useful. I also believe that some statements can’t go unaddressed.

    Another comment is from Rob, my colleague and a blogger at the Liberator (peep game here) wrote,

    So here’s one of my initial reads: left-of-center hip-hop head blogosphere/twitterverse latched to jay because he’s a throwback to the golden age of conscious, Nation of Islam infused, east coast centric rapper who cares about his craft. However,the other side of all those early 90s dudes coming out of the NoI/NGE tradition is that when talking about women they were paternalists at best, if not outright misogynists. I don’t think anyone from that era escapes indictment.

    I know lots of people have already made that connection, but I thought it bares repeating not to excuse what he did, but to historicize the comment and the evolution (or lack thereof) of gender politics in “conscious” hip-hop?

    I responded saying,

    I hear you on historicizing Jay Elec. However, I wonder if you or anyone would be willing to do the same thing in the face of White racism. What I am getting at is, in the last 24 hours, you are the second Black man to bring up the history out of which a Black man is rooted to contextualize their misogyny, the other time occurred in a conversation about Jim “I chase women out of windows” Brown last night.

    I mean…I don’t hear people saying well you know…The Tea Partiers come out of a very particular history…..feel me? While I am not saying that Jay, the Tea Partiers or Jim Brown are analogous..I am certainly thinking of HOW and WHEN we deploy the “lets historicize” for a minute Renina steez. I guess this is me interrogating the historicizing…which is what your comment asked for.

    He then explained that historicize is not the same as rationalize. I was relieved and I felt where he was coming from.

    Our responses to Jay Electronica’s posts are influencing how I shape my research. I realize this after watching this meme evolve and, especially after a meeting with my professor Wednesday and hearing her tell me that I need to asks questions that give Black women the space to talk about desire, pleasure and danger. She felt that I was letting the interviewee’s off by going into pop culture and not asking them directly about #desire and #pleasure.

    In responding to Jay’s comments I have read about women talking about their experiences. This is a positive outcome of this conversation.

    Thoughts?

    Why does sexual conversation’s send people into rigid randy mode? Hella defensive?

    See any good meme’s lately?

    What in the Name of Venus Hottentot is Going on With Regis Philbin?

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    Speaking to Jonzey Saturday I brought up the video of Regis touching Nicki’s behind on Live with Regis and Kelly (@1:42 sec). Listen to him say “looks like you are wearing a little strap there.” #sideeye

    Jonzey responded saying, “I have thoughts about it, and they are different from yours.” Isn’t it awesome when your friends ALREADY BE KNOWING your arguments?

    She argued that because Nicki Minaj holds herself out there as a sexual object, with hyper cartoonish hair colors and provocative clothing, then she will be treated like a sexual object.

    I bit my lip and thought, she is right I disagree.

    So I responded, wait, that same rationale is used to justify raping women. The argument goes, well, she is a ho, she wasn’t wearing panties, she asked to be raped. Jonzey said it wasn’t analogous. She is right, it ISN’T analogous, but the thinking is the same in that it places responsibility on the person acting, not the recipient of a non consensual touch.

    I then asked her about the Adrian Brody kissing Halle Berry at the Oscars. She said, no that wasn’t the same because of how Halle holds herself out there.

    She then brought up Diana Ross fondling Kim’s breast at at the VMA’s in 1999, 11 years ago.

    And I asked if that was analgous to Regis touching Nicki and she said yes.

    I bit my tongue.

    Then finally said, “Girrlllllllllll. You know Imma have to write about this conversation. You know I don’t agree with you about this. I routinely get treated like a sex worker in the streets, especially in the summer time.”

    I continued, “No one has the right to touch me, unless I consent to it, regardless of what I am wearing. That goes for Nicki and Kim or whomever.”

    Besides, historically Black women have been seen, as a result of the ideologies of slavery as “Natural Ho’s” and most of rap music nor representations of Black women as hypersexual or invisible or as mammies certainly hasn’t helped in terms of refuting this.

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    So um no.

    Regis wrong.

    Adrian Brody wrong.

    Diana Ross wrong.

    Don’t touch me/us.

    Full stop.

    Oh and for more context. Peep this old post “Buffy the Body is Venus Hottentott.”

    Moya wrote about this too @ Crunkfeminists.

    Women’s Media Center sent out a open letter to Regis. One paragraph caught my eye,

    “A highly toxic media environment and sexual harassment in workplaces, streets, and public spaces is a daily reality for women in the United States. Sexual objectification and harassment in the media injures individual women and perpetuates this climate.”

    You see the video?

    What do you think?

    Do women who hold themselves out as sexual beings invite and consent to being touched?

    If  yes, do Black men, by virtue of being born Black and Male invite and consent to being touched by police?

    Rap Blogs + Feminism, an Uneasy Marriage

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    Via Complex (Really awesome post on “dead” rap magazines.”)

    In May of 2009, every since John posted the nude pictures of who is largely speculated to be singer Rihanna Fenty, I haven’t felt the same way about rap music.

    When I saw that he posted the pictures, I contacted him and we had a conversation about the reasons why he would or would not post pictures of Rihanna Fenty, and I asked him whether I could blog about it. He said no.

    It was then that I concluded that  Black women stay being for sale. I say this to speak back to the idea that the internet is some “democratic” space where everyone has a voice. No, power is relational. And as @afrolicious says, the same relationships of power you see on the street, in schools, at the bodega on the train, are at work on the internet as well.

    It was bugged out to me, that he wouldn’t consent to me talking about our conversation yet, felt he needed no consent to post nude pictures of who we believed to be Rihanna Fenty.  I remembered saying to him, I know you are not a feminist, but this shit blood, really? I always considered you to be an ally.

    This man, at one time, had the password to my blog, and the freedom to take posts as he liked and put them on The Smoking Section. I appreciated it as he exposed my work to a larger audience.

    He is also one of the first people online who told me I had a writing voice waaaaaaay back in ’06, when I didn’t even SEE that I had one. Furthermore, in Summer ’08,  when Latoya ran one of my pieces on Racialicous, and it was picked up the the Daily UK’s blog feed, I told John who further explained to me all sorts of nuances of blogging in terms of mining the reader data, tracking ping backs, strategically picking topics to post about to render myself an authority, building my audience. He mentored me and tried to help when he could and I appreciated it.

    I also felt like I had an investment in The Smoking Section because I assisted John in navigating the move to Uproxx.  We had our seperate lanes, no doubt, and I wanted to see him win. I read the contract, asked him questions and gave him feedback on what I thought about various clauses. Having had corporations and trademark and I believe I was taking mergers and acquisitions, I had  familiarity with the language. I looked at it as a case study exercise.

    By 2009, as I saw his site taking on more and more of the soft porn of eye candy. All I could think is, you can’t figure out how to enhance your quotes without peddling eye candy? Blood, what kinda facts are those?

    I asked him something about this, along these lines and he responded, its a trade off. I link to you from time to time, I post the eye candy, win – win. I gave him a side eye.

    As a Black woman blogger who sits at the intersection Rap/pop culture and feminism, I have very unique perspective. I am not aware of any other Black woman who has blogged as consistently as long as I have.

    Because of this I have had a very particular experience in the blogosphere.

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    I remember when I had a conversation with Dallas who argued, and I paraphrase, that the fate of Black people rest on the “respectability” of Black women.  This was based on a conversation around the Duke Rape case. I responded, blood what the ___ are you talking about?  Truth be told, Dallas is the one who named me M.dot, based on the two M’s in Model Minority. It just kinda stuck. He is also the person who encouraged me to write about the Venus Hottentot and Buffy the Body.  This was kind of a game changer for me because it got me thinking about Black women in music videos from a historical perspective.

    Lastly my recent conversations with Ta-Nehisi around “For Colored Girls” and the significance of looking at a text around gender when talking about race, are a  part of this pattern as well.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that I am seeing a pattern here of me challenging or questioning Black men online, and me receiving various forms of “nah, pump your breaks” in response.

    My interactions Ta-Nehisi’s and John’s are similar in that I supported them, in the way that I could on my blog or with my blog. These men would have gotten to where they are, regardless, as they seem to be committed to what they do.  What is material to me is that I saw that a line was crossed in terms of Black women, I brought it up to them, and I received a variation of  “nah, pump ya breaks.”

    Whats the deal with that?

    I have thought about writing this since those pictures were posted in 2009. I just wasn’t sure how. My conversations with Ta-Nehisi has clarified the issue in some ways. In fact a comment on his blog, which was brought to my attention by @tkoed on Friday (by the time I saw it the comments were closed) further encouraged me to write this. I was largely inspired based on a comment at Ta-Nehisis’ blog. The commenter, Sorn writes,

    …What I see as the major bone of contention is that TNC is speaking from his experience of being a black man, and Renina is speaking from her experience of being a black woman. The language is the same, but the meanings are different, because meaning –on an emotional level– is ultimately derived from personal experience.

    I think there is a fascinating conversation that needs to be had here about how each gender is raised to view and interpret the actions and words of the other. Academic literature is important, but what is more important to me, as a reader of this blog, is how the literature sheds light on experience. TNC has repeatedly written about the relationship between hip-hop and the mask worn by young black men, and in my head I took the post on the misogyny of Malcolm X to be along the same lines as earlier posts discussing the same relationship in hip-hop.

    When I read this I was like. Damn GINA! Someone gets it! It was at this moment that I realized that I BEEN had something to say it that was time to say it.

    Do you think it is significant that one by one, I have crossed a gender line with a few Black men on the internet?

    Where is the space to have what Mr. Fantastic call’s “Healing Conversations” about gender? Would you participate in them?

    Other thoughts?