On My Mothers Language

One of the things that you have to get use to when you meet me is my colorful use of language. It’s sprinkled with Spanish, bear language, slang, feminist theory, Mobb Deep quotes and some occasional Biggie rhymes.

It’s fun.

I have been wanting to write this post for a while. But I think that watching the Zora Neal Hurston documentary tonight finally compelled me to do it.

From Baldwin, I have learned that we use language to control our environments.

So this is what I keep in mind as I write about my mothers phrases.

The first one that has been on my mind is “It’s your little red wagon, you can push it or you can pull it.”

This seems fairly innocuous but in essence, she was telling me, a five year old, it is YOUR life to do with it as you wish. It makes all the sense in the world after all of these years. Especially as I regularly make “grown folks” choices and deal with the consequences of those choices.

The second one is “might don’t make right.” For me this is a Black feminist notion in that she is saying that just because you have the power to dominate someone, it doesn’t mean that you have the right to. Be it men dominating women, or White folks dominating Black folks or Black folks dominating Latino folks.

The third one is “you can eat it fast, you can eat it slow, when you eat it up you ain’t getting no more.” HA! I always heard this as I like snacks. Again, this was her way of teaching me about resources and managing them, and really placing my agency, my will to act, on my mind. It made no sense at five, makes ton’s of sense now.

The fourth one is “Your ass is grass and I have the keys to the lawn mower.” #Jesusbeafence. Why couldn’t this woman just say that I was in trouble and going to be put on punishment. No, she had to show that I was in trouble and she had the key to stop or start my punishment. I like this one arguably the best. Why, because its so colorful.

This one is a little fresh, and gendered but it is what she said. The comment has to do with characterizing women who are seen as “promiscuous.” I probably shouldn’t have been listening when she made this comment, but you know children are nosy. The comment is “She will ____ a snake if you hold his head.” I kid you not. Talk about learning about how women’s sexuality is perceived and shaped from your mother. I think about that line and I just kinda shiver now, but it captures something that is both patriarchal and violent but honest in terms how are taught we see women.

I have a candy jones. During finals there are candy wrappers everywhere. As a kid I didn’t really care for sharing candy. So, my mum would say, “Renina so tight she squeak when she walk.” Still cracks me up. I am SOOOO stingy with candy I squeak when I walk. Like I am the tin man. I am better at sharing now.

What would we do without language?

Do you have any sayings from your family that make sense now, but made no sense at all when you were a kid?

Images Ain’t Neutral

In The Sex Issue of The Words Beats and Life Journal (which you can buy here,  I am on the journal staff),  graphic artist and professor John Jennings says a few things about how images are used to normalize domination.

I read it in July, but its been on my mind ever since.

The first is that:

The Black body has historically been consumed by the masses in one way or another. The slave body was reduced to the slave masters whim…This practice hasn’t really changed. When you can control how people are viewed–and objectify  them, to a certain extent, you can control them.

The second is that:

The practice of dehumanizing the individual in order to sell products has a long history — one that naturally extends to hip hop culture. However, when you couple that practice with the history of slavery in America’s development, it re-contextualizes this process even more and depictions of our bodies become materialized.

This reminds me of something that Professor Michelle Wallace says in the article An Interview:

I mean in other words, the more images are thrown at you, the less you’re able to distinguish between them and filter them, make informed decisions about what you like and don’t like. I guess the more you’re bombarded with these images, he more passive you become. Images have histories and narratives of their own. The way not to be totally seduced by them is to keep that in mind.

People who analyze visual culture can help us make sense of the world, especially as our lives move online AND as video comes to dominate “the word.”

Some of ya’ll think I be putting 10 on 2 when I write about pop culture, Kanye, rappers, and the significance of images etc. But guess what?

You control how a people LOOK, you can dominate them. #yup.

Images ain’t neutral.

Thoughts?

Am I wrong for “Nigger” soap? 0.O

Men are Fragile :: Humans are Fragile

In the name of all things vulnerable and fearless.

The other night I had dinner with a friend.
I am glad I followed my intuition and reach out to him
because as soon as he sat down he told me that his mom
had recently passed and apologized for not sharing it sooner.

I am glad that he shared. I had to go home and finish grading 19 final exams essays and calculate grades, which was an enormous amount of work but him saying that put it into perspective. He seems to be holding up well. He has a broad social support system, and I didn’t really know what to say, so I listened.

Then I suggested that he find a therapist and he agreed. Loss be hard to deal with and some people never recover. Human beings are fragile.

He asked me how my life was going and I was saying that I trying to grind it out, was focused on lining up summer 2011 work and trying to be mindful of my heart and desires.

He was like “you are forward with people just like that, you just tell them you like them” I was like yeah, and he asked me to teach him. I was like honey, I know that I have to say what I have to say and the outcome is not mine. It’s as simple as that. I really just try and pray through things.

With this in the back of my mind I had an experience last night.

Last night, I ran into SD and flirted, and he commenced to treating me like a these overtures were unwanted nor desired. Peep game though, dude was conveying the exact opposite last week.

Record scratch.

I mean honestly blood, there was one point last week where I had to give him a “saved hug” because he was a ‘lil too close to me, hand in the small of my back, ‘taumbout “I miss you“.  Along with asking me, “Are you seeing anyone?” “Can I call you?” #ummp.

So,  I asked him to reconcile the discrepancy, and I stood there and waited.

He explained saying that he simply felt different, that the social circles are small. I walked away saying “It didn’t have to be like this.”

That shit is sloppy.

JJ said something profound when I ran this by her which is that he doesn’t seem to know what he wants, yet, needs to know that he has an in with you, that he knows where he stands.

Absurd, but the facts match her theory.

Last week, Courtbear my dating coach told me “#allcity, if you do this, its going to be bumpy.” I was like I am not *doing* anything. I just don’t want to cringe when I walk into a room, the circles we travel in are small.

I guess I am just trying to find the balance. Its the libra in me. I try to be firm and honest.

However, neither my Love nor my forgiveness is thin. My heart don’t pump kool-aid.

So I feel the need to commit to what I said I was going to do and forgive. But damn if I ain’t feel manipulated. I got a big assed resentment over that shit blood.

I will admit that I played a role in being a recipient to the messages.

It’s like I already had evidence of sloppiness, stayed away and did my thing, waved the peace flag, only to get more sloppiness. I feel like I should have known better. I will forgive myself, have a soft heart and assert my humanity when I feel it’s not being respected.

When I call him Mc Sloppy in my head, I smile. #turrible. But it is what it is.

At the end of the day,  we are both human beings. Full stop.

Speaking of manipulation, one of the little bears wrote on their final that when desire isn’t dealt with it comes out as manipulation.

Manipulation is a tool of control. Two of the ways human beings attempt to manipulate is by not sharing information, and by not stating their intentions.

This reminds of how once I heard a hustla say that there are three kind of people in the world who are dangerous:

  • Someone who doesn’t know what s/he wants.
  • Someone who is jealous of you.
  • Someone with no fear of going to the Pen.


People who don’t know what they want are dangerous because they spend time fiddling with yo’ heart or perhaps even your friendship, while the are figuring out which drawls to wear. #Icant. I ain’t no object.

#Blackgirlsarefromthefuture and if you can’t treat me like you understand that then you need to stay the fuck out my face. Full stop.

To be said another way. Treat people like they human or leave them alone.

Today, I saw Lady Metta who said, you know what men are fragile. And I get what she meant. We live in a society that doesn’t allow boys the space to feel.  How are they going to be able to relate to other people? How are they going to be human in this context?

I responded, humans are fragile.

*After I wrote this post, Lady Metta read it and and sent me a poem Alice Walker sent to Aung San Suu Kyi titled “Loving Humans.” #Tears. Imma go ahead and forgive him. He don’t have no act right, but I have a code, and I will stick to it. Wow. This is a moment of transformation. Who knew?

Why people be testing your forgiveness?

Why people be sloppy?

Why people need to know if they have an *in*? Shit. Ego. Duh.

#LoveisStronger.

New Rafi + Dallas Video/ Big Mac Sauce

“Do you want to live forever or do you want to jump out of the window of deliciousness.” ~Dallas.

Rafi + Dallas have a new video out in the Ghetto Big Mac realm.

Its funny because as I sit here working on those finals, watching those videos all I could think of was of the fatty, salty, tastiness of fast food.

You all know that I am a foodie, but I also think that folks who do work around Public Health be it sex or food need to take pleasure and desire into the equation to have real traction.

Also, Rafi and I had a two week long conversation on twitter about two months ago on whether soda should be allowed to be used to bought with food stamps. I wish I put those tweets on @storify. 🙁

@Rafikam, why you ain’t eat the big mac? Why didn’t you talk about it on screen?

What do you all think?

I know I want some daggumit fries now, even though they make my heart palpitate after:(

A Response to Jeff Chang and Brian Komar’s “Culture Before Politics.”

In a new article on the American Prospect site Jeff Chang and Brian Komar argue that:

The Democrats are hurting in a big way after the 2010 mid term elections because they failed to grasp the importance of shaping the narratives through using artists the influence “culture.”

Democrats think that they can focus on policy to move hearts and minds.

“Culture is the space in our national consciousness filled by music, books, sports, movies, theater, visual arts, and media” and that “Cultural change is often the dress rehearsal for political change. Or put in another way, political change is the final manifestation of cultural shifts that have already occurred.”

“When artists tell new stories, they can shift the culture and make new politics possible — cultural strategy is about understanding that fact and empowering artists to do what they do best.”

I couldn’t put my finger on why I was troubled by this article. Talking with Rob helped me to clarify it over email.

Here is what I agree with:

Yes artists have a place in society.

Yes artists can help to create narratives that can help us see new possibilities. The most awesome presentation of “narrative” or a story that I have seen is Danny’s blog “The People’s District” where he goes around DC interviewing people and posting them on his blog. Narratives across race and across age and class, it is one of the freshest things I have seen in a while.

However, what troubles me about the article is that it assumes this kind of top down model of social movement change, instead of a circular one or one of push and pull.

In many ways I see that it is saying, The Democrats need more people, and those people are artists rather than the Democrat’s need to be engaged with basic relationship building and maintenance and doing the things that impact the conditions of the lives of their base (African Americans, Latino’s, LGBTQ folks, Progressive White folks, union folks etc.)

Rob pointed out that in many ways Jeff and Brian’s argument is both pragmatic and rather conservative. Pragmatic because it looks at using existing channels to advance the “Democrats need more people, artistic people” agenda, conservative because it is assimilationist in many ways.

Meaning Jeff and Brian also argue that culture changes first and then electoral politics change.

Whereas I contend that art informs electoral politics/ legal actions and electoral politics and legal actions inform art.

This is what The Culture Wars was about, right?

2 Live Crew, censorship and parental advisory stickers? (Legal action)

Mapplethorpe and the NEA and censorship? (Financial and Government action)

Cheryl Dunye’s Black lesbian film Watermelon Woman and censorship? (Financial and Government action)

Wasn’t an exhibit censored at The Smithsonian last week because of sexual content?

We can even take it back to the Birth of a Nation. I would argue that the hearts and minds are where they are, and then the art comes out of that. The art captures where the hearts and minds of folks are first. This is a real Leroi Jones/Baraka reading of art production that I take from Blues People. The audience then shapes what the artist creates. Keep in mind that corporations/the free market also play big role in shaping what artists produce. Dave Chappelle walked away from $50 million, lets ask ourselves why? A question we should always ask is why are these the stories being presented to us?

Another example that we can take it back to rap music, and NWA specifically. NWA because it represented this moment where Black men, living in post-factory cities, who were swooped up in the crack game, were talking about THEIR day to day lives, their narrative, without the explicit intent on getting rich because back then rappers didn’t get “rich” in the way that some are known to be in Forbes magazine listed today.

I had NWA in mind when Rob asked “where is the counter culture that can push back on the main narrative” because “we used to have countercultures and counterpublic spheres that could operate outside the dictates of the market’s logic, everything is within the confines of capitalism now.”

I thought of rap music, skateboard culture and even some blogs. Where is the counter culture?

Art and music, film, books, television are ALL used to help us make sense of our lives.

But honestly, what good is a counter culture or books, art, film, television when half your hood is unemployed? You have a job but you STILL need foodstamps? The bus or subway is crazy expensive and you can’t get to work? You can’t pay your rent or mortgage. You have no money for Christmas presents.

And, what good is a counter culture or culture when, simultaneously the Democrats and Republicans are looking at giving bailouts/tax cuts/wealth redistribution to billionaires and millionaires and other members of the college educated elite when you are barely making the rent, or your child’s college tuition is due, or you need more post-op physical therapy but all your sessions have run out, or you are working but you don’t have enough money to pay back Sallie Mae for your school loans and they are calling you twenty times a day.

Perhaps what we need isn’t just “more artist’s” changing the narrative but the political will to invest in the food, clothing and sheltering, education, and health caring of human beings.

Do Democrats need more artists?

Why not focus on the fact that bailouts for everyday working people is what is needed?

How can Democrats use culture when the free market will take anything, repackage it and sell it right back to you? For example Ice Cube going from NWA to Disney.