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I am closing just for a couple of weeks. I am facing 4 deadlines.
You know it must be real because I have never not posted
before, ever. No matter what I was going through.
I am just trying to prioritize and focus. I will try and
Twitter.

I will be back.

~m.

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Reading Blogs at Work

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I was speaking to Robbie a couple of weeks ago. He asked me
how my History of Hip Hop Blogs piece was coming along (meaning
that it has gotten way bigger than I anticipated).

I told him it was large, and that I wasn’t sure whether to make
it into one, two or three parts. He responded saying that most
people cut and paste, so I shouldn’t be bothered with the length.

Experience has shown me there there is only so much that
you all are willing to read before you glaze over and stop
altogether. My question for you is, what is your technique
for reading blogs at work? Do you cut and paste? Do you
read on your phone? Do you avoid blogs at work?
Are blogs firewalled at your job?

Im curious.

Anthony Hamilton, Good Lawd

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I don’t trust Black men (or men in general) who don’t have facial hair.
They get the side eye.
You notice how LL’s face just look’s a wee too clean?
However, now that I think about it, there are exceptions. Obama
is clean shaven, but the juttyness (yes I made it up) of his
chin strikes a balance on his face.
However, Black men with those half-way beards don’t get a pass.
Which brings me to Anthony Hamilton. I always thought that one
song from his first album was okay, but the straggely beard, just
had me on some “uuhhhh no”.
Imagine my surprise last night when I saw him in his new video
cleanly shaved. He cleans up real nice, looking like
somebody uncle at the family reunion.
Thumbs up.

Me & Lauryn Hill: An Evolution

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The first time I heard Lauryn Hill, was probably a single from
the Blunted on Reality album and I hated it. At that time
it appeared to be crazy gimmicky.
I didn’t like The Fugees and I didn’t like The Score. The Score took an L
because in many ways, it was accessible, cross over Boom Bap.
Many folks who knew how much I liked rap, and hip hop heads in general
felt that it should get a pass. I was like, eehhhhnnn no. I can also admit
now that I was lightweight hating. She was fly, fresh and a B-girl. It was
perhaps a knee jerk, “There can only be one of us” reaction.
In addition, as a teenager I was heavily influenced by Islam and subsequently,
I felt that Lauryn should?wear more clothes. I know, hard to believe,?
Ms. M.dot actually had something?to say about the clothing of that a?
woman wears. But it was true.
The fact that I used to believe that back in the day goes to the notion
that we don’t become who we are over night.
While I was certainly familiar with feminist politics then, I didn’t have
a historical understanding that would allow me to question WHY it?
was any of my business how scantily clad L was in the first place.
Remember when Dave said on Stakes is High, ” The underground is about
not being exposed, so you better take ya naked ass and put on some clothes”?
Well, In my mind that was directed towards over exposed rappers in general
but could be applied to Lauryn as well. In fact, when De La came to ‘Frisco to?
perform, I asked Dave whether he meant that line for L and he looked at me
and was like, “nah, uhhhh, nah”.
When she came out with Miseducation, I warmed up. From beginning
to end, the album was what she was going through in her life.
Not entirely self destructive, a little heavy handed, and perhaps most?
importantly, really human.?
As I have gotten older my thinking about clothes, presentation
and human beings has changed over time. I now realize that?
not only do I not want?anyone talking about how short or tight my?
skirt is, I have also?come to realize that it is none of my business?
what L wears as well.
I also realize that, and Erykahs recent pregnancy certainly underscores this,
that as Black women, ?many folks feel that they have say so in what
we choose to do with our bodies. I find this intriguing given
the unbelievable pass given to Black men such as Puffy, R.Kelly, Akon given
their relationship and or sexual practices.
Which brings me back to Lauryn.?I miss her. As I think about these?
Hip Hop and feminism study groups?I wonder what her music
would?sound like today.?I wonder what the beats ?would sound
like, who she would be collaborating?with and how much?being
a mom would play into her music.
Recently there were complaints about the fact the neither VH1’s?
Hip Hop Honors and BET’s Hip Hop awards nominated a single
woman.?An anonymous source?said that the reason why
there were fewer women emcees being launched on major labels
their hair and make up costs are expensive.?You and I both know
that this is a lie, as record companies will?invest millions into an?
artist if they believe that the return on investment.?So I am suppose?
to believe hair weaves and mac eye shadow run into?the tens of thousands
for female emcees? Besides grooming costs are irrelevant as?artists are
responsible for paying back?the labels for money?that they spend on an artist.
The fact that there are no women were nominated for BET Awards or for a
Hip Hop Honors award?underscores the significance of seeing Lauryn’s
image?in pop culture. There she was, petite, chocolate brown and
a mane of natural hair. Then and now, we are not allowed to be?
represented like that in pop culture.
That being said, Lauryn if you are out there, we are waiting for you.
To the young woman who sees her self as the next Lauryn Hill, we
are waiting?for you as well.

The Blues and Transformation

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Still from I’m Through with White Girls


There is something to be said for The “Borderless Relationship”
post, as it was was a catalyst for change in M.dots world.

Out of a desire to both write in a way that reflects what we
have come to be known for, and to also avoid being
outta pocket (see that interest balancing, wink nod wink)
I won’t go into the fine print.

Bear in mind that I wrote the above sentence a few times.
I was unsure as to which tone to strike. Anger? Thats
conceivable. Empathy? Of course. In trying to empathize,
at first it felt like, nah homie, I ain’t doing that. But then again,
its one thing to talk that personal transformation
talk, but a whole other to practice it when tested. Besides,
aren’t life’s tests designed to show us what we hold most dear?

In many ways it reflects what many of us do when sorting through
something. We think. We talk. We think. One of the amazing things
about writing is that you do have the time to think, revise, and
rethink, which can drive you nuts, but it can show you things
about yourself that you were unaware of.

However, writing it has proved to be interesting. On one level I am
glad I had the courage to write, glad I was able to see The Graduate
and not rage at his borderless tendencies, glad that I could make a
connection between my borderless relationships of the
past and how it is playing out with Filthy right now.

Still it is hard, because their is a level of uncertainty, tension,
and proverbial sh-t hitting the fan, emotion wise.

I have always contended that “you don’t want to bring me
around” if there are things that you want to keep from yourself,
because more than likley those issues will surface.

I think it comes from having seen the best and worse of my parents
at a young age. I survived by cultivating the ability to analyze intent,
capacity, anger and rage of adult human beings starting from the time
I was about 8. It was at that period that I realized that the people
that I knew my parents to be may or may not come back.
It has influenced that way that, perhaps in a way that I can’t imagine,
I read see an interact with people in general.

As a result, I have to be careful to not “tell people about
themselves”, simply because while it may feel like the right
thing to do at the time, it is, at the end of the day, it is none
of my business.

Blogging however gets me into that a gray area, because I am not just
writing about myself, but others as well, which may get me in that
sticky, icky, ooohhhh wee gray area.

When I write, I write to share, to make a contribution,
and many times simply to make a sense out of an experience
I may have recently had.

Many of you e-mail me to mention a post, to say thank you, or just to show
general appreciation for the fact that I shared something. It’s wonderful,
as I know that we are all busy so it shows me that their are folks feel
the contribution being made, which is validating in and of itself.

In the spirit of that sharing, I will say that, ultimately this past week
has shown me that you never really know what life holds and that it
is incredibly important for me to remember that I am powerless over
all people except for myself.

How do you hold on when faced with uncertainty?

What coping mechanisms, if any, do you use to keep
your mind right, during uncertain times?