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Douche Bags and Wife Beaters

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Have you all noticed the prevalence of the usage of the
word douche bag in the popular media.

If a douche bag is a feminine hygiene product, why is it used to describe
people in general and men specifically who are inconsiderate
and self centered?

What exactly is idiot like, inconsiderate, self centered or moron like
about a feminine hygiene product?

The passive acceptance of the usage of the term is indicative of our
acceptance of the public dislike of vagina’s. The loose usage of the
term reminds me of the passive acceptance of
the public hatred of femininity and women.

Wife Beaters
I don’t call white tank tops wife beater I call them white tanks.
If I am in a real snarky mood I call them wife killers which
completly throws people off.

Why wife killers?

The majority of women killed in this country are murdered by
an intimate partner.

I would imagine that the term is derived from the stereotype of the beer
drinking man in rural America that beats his wife.

I will concede that this steroetype may be based in fact. However,
describing a t-shirt as a wife beater when most women murdered
are killed by their intimate partners is careless and perpetuates the
notion that hitting women (and people) expected and for that matter
is accepted.

Do you think about the words that you use?

Do you think more a bout the words that you use after reading
this old snarky blog?

100 Visionaries-Fear-Failure-Support

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I had an interesting “internet moment” earlier this week.

I came across an online social justice group, and reached out to one of
its members because their work is closely aligned with what I envision
100 Visionaries to be.

The group had a conference a few years ago, a list serve and people.

I came across their list serve archive Thursday morning, right after I placed
those fund raising widgets in the sidebar.

Because the group is not very active I was curious as to what happened
and whether their lack of activity corresponded was an early indicator of
the to the lack of activity, with my fund raising widgets.

I wondered, if folks really WOULD rather talk about Imus, Jay Z, David Banner,
Obama, Jesse Jackson and The Wackness than actually do something.

So I decided to take action.

I sent an e-mail to a woman I had been in contact with via twitter who
was, ironiclly on the list serve and her point blank, “What happened?
You all seem to have had a lot of traction and now there is very little
activity”.

This was a risk for me, because she didn’t know me from a stick
of gum and could have said, yo- go kick rocks.

She responded, candidly saying “Yo- do I know you?”

She then went on to say that it became clear to her that, in the
organization, people were more interested in talking about the problem
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That had me stuck because it is what I feared would happen
with 100 V.

Then I also thought about how our kids need to watch us
struggle, fail, succeed and go through personal transformation.

And for that matter we need to watch one another do it.

It makes it feel like its possible.

I got sad. My rationale is that if this group couldn’t do, what makes
me think I can?

Then things started to happen.

This dude in Cali e-mailed me on some, yo- is this going to be a virtual
org, are you going to have a board of directors, what’s the plan?

I sent him an outline of the next 9 months and he shot
me back an e-mail on his background. When it became clear that
he was type thorough- grad school, undergrad in the trenches
with the young bucks, college counseling, I began to
try and bring him into the fold.

Then another blogger said, I can’t do a reflection retreat, and I
responded, thats cool, can you write about how you and your
son deal with pop culture? He agreed.

And I began to see that this is going to work relationship by relationship.

I stepped out on faith and bought the url yesterday.

I see it as one of A million little steps. A million little steps.


GZA Tickets Contest

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Joshua at Urb is having a contest for tickets to The Gza’s album release
party on Tuesday August 19th.

As far as I am concerned, The Gza, O.C. & AZ are my underrated favorites,
so I am happy to oblige.

Step One
Go here to register.

Step Two

When entering your last names, add ‘MM’ at the end. So, “Jane Doe MM”.

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You will be eligible for the regular drawing, plus a bonus drawing only for those who labeled themselves MM.

Earrrrl.y

100 Visionaries

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I had a watershed moment yesterday. I was pacing, writing notes and just
simply amped.

The 100 Visionaries Mission came to me.

Our mission is to work to create a better future for our young people
through local and national activism and policy lobbying.

The strategy for achieving this is a five pronged effort. The first is
having regular one on one interactions with young people through
reflection retreats.

The second is supporting local members who share our vision,
and are running for office such as city council or the board of education.

The third is lobbying around policies that effect their lives such as
ending mandatory minimums, creating a national Prop 36 legislation,
eliminating zero tolerance in schools, and ensuring that public school
funds are equitably distributed within the school district.

The fourth is through supporting and promoting artists, writers, musicians,
who are our vision of a better world for young people.

The fifth is by working with other organizations who are doing related work.
One of us may not have an impact. But, 100 hundred of us is a Movement.

Our organization is a learning organization. Nimble, eager and ready to take
action. Contact me directly with further questions at m.dotwrites@gmail.com.

Click on the Widget on the left to donate to cover the cost of incorporating
the non profit.
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I seek to build this with you all, with “buy in” on the ground from
all the folks who have commented and said they want to contribute
and support.

Moveon.org is a 501 (c) (4). This kind of organization has far more leeway than
a (c) (3) when it comes to lobbying. Read more about it here.

501 (c) (3) will be 100 Visionaries.
501 (c) (4) will be the 100 Visionary Fund, similar to Moveon in terms of
action and scope with a bit more urban focus. Early.

Who knew that what began as a conversation on, “who raises the kids
the mommas or the rappers“, would bring us to this?

Adult Relationship Skills

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Recently, I have experienced some emotional upheaval.

In the past, Filthy has had bad experiences with introducing his
female friends to the lady that he was dating at the time.

On two different occasions in the past, he did the introduction
and one of the women ended up being salty.

Apparently, it made life type unbearable.

So this week, I learned that, because of his past, he just decided to
NOT introduce one of his close homies to me.

All I could think was, “Dude, you ain’t think I was going to notice
that I have met almost everyone in your innercircle except for her?”

Apparently, he did so because they had history, and he didn’t know how
to tell me.

This is a violation. However in the grand scheme of things, if I were him
I could have done the same thing. The lessons I have learned from my past
are the only thing that have prevented me from making that kind of mistake.

However, he is a good dude, a lovely dude. Feel me?
So, I was just lightweight torn.

This situation brought up old stuff for me. A couple of years ago
I was dating another cat, *Mark and not getting along well with
two of the women in his life. Some stuff flared up between me
and the one of the women, and instead of neither of us, me, him
or the woman, dealing with it head on, we let it percolate and it
eventually had an impact on our breaking up.

I told myself never again.

Naturally, I was concerned that the past was happening again.

When I found out that Filthy chose to deal with it on some,
I will just keep them seperate I was heated. All this arose
last week. It wasn’t until Saturday that I learned that he kept us
apart because they had history.

I laughed. Because I knew about the history, as Filthy was my friend
first. We talked about everything and I remember him telling me about her
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to the situation. Once I put the pieces together I went from amused
to angry. While I am rational and reasonable, his fear of me bouncing,
or of losing her friendship and subsequent denial about the fact
that this needed to be dealt with swiftly were powerful as well.

On one level he was trying to have his cake and eat it too. Violation.
On a another level, I have made similar mistakes before.

The more we spoke, the more I realized that it was just one of those
situations where he handled the situation in a way that could have
been done differently.

When we have been hurt by someone, there is a tension between
a desire to hold on to the pain, and a desire to forgive.

The pain is comfortable like an old friend, thats is why Mobb Deep
tastes so good to my ears, it waters my dysfunction.

I learned from this that you have to listen to what the person
is saying, that what your friends say may be useful but
it must be taken with a grain of salt, and ultimately God will
set forth what is suppose to take place.

The hardest thing to do, throughout all of this, was to sit with being
uncomfortable and not try and fix it myself.

Part of me, the old me, had an inclination to still rock with him,
just at arms length, and to keep my eyes open for other cats to
add to the bench.

This constitutes trying to fix it myself. I know that needed discipline.
The kind of discipline that Dr. Peck was talking when he was defining
love as the judicious giving of discipline, resources and affection.

Man, listen, it is one thing that to talk that discipline ‘ish, but
it is a whole other to practice it. People have said that I have
changed in the last year, but it was really going through this
that shows me that I have.

I got the chance to do it Friday.

I got a call from an old homie, one who I hadn’t seen, and I knew
that if I hung out, and saw him, I would feel immediately better.

I would be complimented and doted on.

But, I also knew that the quick fix was not what I needed at that
moment. I knew that I needed to do something that I was incapable
of in the past, which is that I needed to sit there with being uncomfortable
with those feelings at that moment.

Deciding to handle it this way reminded me that one of the major
things that we don’t teach our children is how to suffer.

I don’t mean suffer as in having a jacked up life and just not taking action
to change it. I mean suffering as in, learning to deal with the feelings,
the uncomfortable feelings as they arise, to acknowledge them, and
perhaps most importantly to not be controlled by them.

This experience has shown me that healthy adult relationship skills
are the key component to being a healthy human being.

* Pseudonym

How comfortable are you with the feelings that make you
uncomfortable?

Have you had to forgive anyone recently?

Have you had to do any special introductions lately?