Last night I saw someone dance so, how do you say, he was such a light that I stared. I try not to stare. Staring is rude. However, I was mesmerized.

There is always a moment when I am dancing were I go somewhere else, where everyone else recedes and its just me and the music. His whole joint was like that.

I knew he was touched by and dealt with the Orisha’s. I went and spoke to him and my suspicions were confirmed.

He told me a few things about myself that were so right that I am still kind of riveted.

He said that I am a conduit (this makes sense as a writer), that I speak with my eyes, he reminded me that my number is 11, and that I am protected.

He also asked me whether vulnerability was a strength or weakness. I just storta looked at him and said “I have been dwelling in the fearless and vulnerable since last February.” #Badunem. He then responded saying that when I became more able to not be concerned with the things that others said, that I would be unstoppable. I am still thinking about this.

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It was incredibly terrifying and liberating to consenting to being read by someone who is as equally comfortable in the spirit realm as they are in the material.

This interaction was strange but it felt like I was returning to the familiar. As an undergraduate student I studied in classes religion around the African Diaspora and living in New York I was constantly exposed to visual representations of the Orisha’s (from Cuban, Puerto Rican, Haitian and Nigerian people.) My undergraduate dissertation was on looking at linguistic (and some cultural) connections between Nigeria, The Sea Island and Oakland.

Last week I was talking to Court bear my dating coach about the politics of being willing to be myself in a society  where social institutions (church’s, schools, films,)  say that Black women are many things, but quirky and worthy of Love and being desired isn’t one of them. She said yes, it’s hard, yes it gets lonely but think about how you LIKE yourself as a person and of the lives that you touch.

I have also decided to forgive McSloppy. Why? It just doesn’t feel right any longer to be beefing.  Honestly, it’s only a matter of time until he has a self induced hot grits moment if he keeps on at this rate. It would be horrible if that is what it took for him understand that women need to be treated like human beings. He doesn’t need any side eye from me in 2011.   I have demonstrated to myself that I have tried to act with integrity in this situation.

Honestly,  after being read last night, I was reminded that  human beings hate what they fear or can’t control. I also felt like I had been acting a bit immature. What I understood from the dancer last night is that because I am a conduit, I need to keep the path clear. This obligation is bigger than a situation between me and any other single person, but just something that I need to do on gp. This was confirmed last night. Conduits have to keep the path clean. That means forgiveness.

Oh, and I called @afrolicious today because she is Nigerian and evolved and helps me to see my blind spots. She responded, “I bet its really interesting when someone see’s the God in you.” Word? That’s what happen? No wonder I felt the need to sit still tonight. And if you know me offline you know I stay in motion unless I am sitting somewhere writing.