Michael Baisden is a Misogynist Pig


I was riding through Ohio the other day on a road trip toMichigan.

Filthy was looking for NPR when we settled on the Michael
Baisden show.
I was intrigued because the show was about
whether a woman,
a wife, has the right to “Go on Strike”and
hold out on sex from her husband.
Seeing as my research
interests are women and sexuality,
I was intrigued about the
possibilities that the discussion presented.

So, I am listening to the show, and at 6:40 Baisden says to a caller, “If you were
my woman, not feeling like it is not a reason
to give me some.” Word?

At 7:53 Baisden says, “If you are not in the mood, just lay there and take it.”
[Laughter].

The woman caller says that if she doesn’t feel like it she isn’t doing it.

Then Baisden’s co-host says, “Your feelings are obselete, your feelings don’t
matter for 30 minutes.” [Laughter].

Record scratch.

I understand that withholding sex from your partner is a very serious
matter and typically
indicative of other issues going on in the relationship.

However, “You should just lay there and take it” is a very serious line of
thought and action for Black women for many reasons.

Think about it this way.

We are raped at a higher rate than all other women in the United States.

We are murdered at a higher rate than all other women in the United States.

We are beat by our intimate partners at a higher rate than all other women
in the United States.

According to study conducted by the Department of Justice, African
American women:

  • …were victimized by intimate partners a significantly higher rates than persons of any other race between 1993 and 1998. Black females experienced intimate partner violence at a rate 35% higher than that of white females, and about 22 times the rate of women of other races. Black males experienced intimate partner violence at a rate about 62% higher than that of white males and about 22 times the rate of men of other races.

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According to the study published by the Africana Voices Against Violence, Tufts University:

  • The number one killer of African-American women ages 15 to 34 is homicide at the hands of a current or former intimate partner.
  • In a study of African-American sexual assault survivors, only 17% reported the assault to police.

I was waiting for Baisden to insert some kind of disclaimer, and
say, “Ya’ll know
I am just playing, I don’t want you all to call here
cursing me out”, but he didn’t.

Baisden’s comments got me to thinking. I am currently in the
middle of writing a review to Steve Harvey’s “Act Like A
Lady,
Date Like a Man” and I couldn’t help but think
about about how
the Black male talk show hosts are just as
patriarchal as some of the rappers.

Really what is the difference between Snoop saying “Bitches
Ain’t Shit But Ho’s and
Tricks” and “Just lie there and take It?”

Granted the show mellowed out a bit when Baisden brought
on a
therapist, Dr. Gail Saltz who specializes in relationships
and sex, but the statement
had already been made.

Baisdens comments are also interesting because,
in the United States, it has historically been permissible for
a husband to have non consensual sex with his wife.

We had no legal standing to refuse to have sex with our husbands.

The courts position was that getting married meant a lifetime
of permanent consent. This meant that
a wife could not be raped.

So you mean to tell me we have rappers, blogs and talk
show
host’s trashing us? I’m cool on those.

My contention is that every time you visit a site, play a tape,
listen to a show, you are voting.

Why vote for a man who thinks that non consensual sex with your husband
is okay or that you should just lie there and take it, is okay?

Why do we passively accept Baisden’s actions?

What does a healthy Black Female sexuality look like if we
are just lying there and taking it?

Who is he getting money with?

Martin Luther King jr., Tionna Smalls and Me


About month ago, I cut my hand with a razor sharp stainless
steel Japanese cutting knife at about 6:30pm.
I was cutting green
onions for a fish soup when
I sliced through my finger and finger nail. Ouch.
Snapper, bell peppers, turmeric, red potatoes and cracked pepper. Delish.

At 11pm, Filthy called to check on me. I told him the wound was discolored
and still bleeding a little,
so he insisted that I go to the hospital.
I didn’t want to. He was in another
city, my momma is in another
state, and I didn’t want to be in
at the hospital alone.

Rather than pout like a big baby, I grabbed a pillow, some Cheez-its
and got a ride to ER.

I don’t have health care.

While sitting in ER, I began reading Martin Luther King’s Why We Can’t
Wait
. We pay a lot of lip service to Dr. King, but that man has
a way with words that can make you want to commit. I was particularly
moved by,

Moreover, I am cognizant of the interrelatedness
of all communities and states. I cannot sit idly by in Atlanta
and not be concerned about what happens in Birmingham.
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an
inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny.
Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. Never again can
we afford to live with the narrow, provincial “outside agitator” idea.
Anyone who lives in the United States can never be considered an
outsider within its bounds.

I hope you can see why was moved by his words. Given the state
of our economy, these words resonated with me.

So, I left ER at 2 am and was struck by the fact that there were so more
people many in the waiting room, about ten, most of whom where young
men and women.

Something changed in me.

Every since that night I have had this profound feeling that I should
be doing more.

I think it has something to do with the fact that
the day before I cut my finger, I learned about Tionna Smalls.

Tionna is that deal. She is straight ‘hood, committed, action oriented
and completely unashamed of who she is and where she comes from.

Tionna had a column on Gawker
, which is known for its NYC media
incrowd snarkiness. Apparently, Gawker fired her by e-mail
and then turned around and reprinted her statement. What I loved
about the statement was her matter of factness. She writes,

On December 31, 2007, Gawker’s owner/managing editor, Nick Denton, informed me through an email that Gawker was going into a different direction and that my beloved column, “Ask Tionna“, was no longer being published on the site. He left his number for me to call and emailed me the news twice, incase I didn’t understand what the email meant…….

I received the job from Gawker after I wrote an email to them regarding featuring me on their site because I was a motivated black girl from East New York, who wrote this fabulous, self-published book that had plenty of grammatical biscuits in it. To my surprise, they featured me the next day and made fun of my ass so much that it made me laugh (even though I was the subject). The commentators made so much fun of this “ghetto ass black girl” that the editors of Gawker stalked my blog site Talk Dat Ish (www.talkdatish.com). I think it was amazing to them that this girl from the ghetto would write an email about herself and act as if it was coming from someone else. People were just outraged and excited about me, all at the same time.

I must admit when I started my column, I was a grammatical-mess (still am) but my voice was unique and my advice was real and soon the uppity folks at Gawker welcomed me with open arms. My pay at Gawker was minimal but I thought and still feel that it was a great opportunity. If it wasn’t for Gawker, many of you would never know who I was. No other medicines of this category can promise you a quicker and impressive viagra properien check out to find out more sexual stamina like Provigro. For many people, purchase levitra online the process of buying any medication online is quite simple. Non-surgical spinal decompression is indicated for individuals who are experiencing nocturnal emissions, low semen volume can use the herbal massage oil which includes this herb is useful for anyone to improve their liver health. canadian sildenafil viagra 100mg Definitely, online shopping provides lots of perks and also enables discovering goods we require with the comfort of our own dwellings. I mean, you would have found out sooner or later, but it wouldn’t have been so quick. I learned that I was Gawker’s little secret when my column came out on Tuesdays at 6PM, but it didn’t bother me because my numbers always stayed between 8,000-20,000 views. That is an awful lot for someone who has never had a job in the industry. I know I got the job because Gawker knew that it would bring numbers and people would laugh at the little Black girl that could but let me explain something. I am the one who is laughing. I now have great connects in the media industry, a contract to sign tomorrow for a reality show of my life on the come up and in the entertainment business, I have genuine fans who loves me and my work, and I have dreams that cant be erased by no one not even Gawker.

Gawker didn’t make me, it only made me better. Sure they didn’t give me any notice, and leaves me to save up the little $1200, I have in the bank but you know what I have other bigger problems that the CEO who resides in SOHO could never understand or relate to. My cousin just died of AIDS and cops just killed a man (in a buy and bust ordeal) right around the corner from my house. I may rock Gucci sneakers and aviator lenses but listen, I am still bounded by the hood and I cant move out of it until my money get right and I am ok with that because without struggle, there isn’t any success but listen no one, not one person in this entertainment industry can stop me because I am a serious person to play games with.


What struck me the most about her was how real she was
and how she wouldn’t let anyone shame her.

I saw myself in her.

This became clearer to me after I read the closing to her Gawker
statement. She writes,

Most of all, I am a born leader who understands that it’s not where you’re from, it’s where you going baby. I can sit and beg for a chance to show my talent; hell, I could be like other woman who is trying to make it big in the world and blow balls for cheddar but that is not what my ancestors died for…

They died so we could go out there and make it for ourselves. They died so many of you people who never stepped foot in the ghetto could say, Tionna Smalls lives in East New York, and so it can’t be that bad. It is for that little girl that says if Tionna Smalls wrote a book, so can I. So as Robert Frost would say, there’s two paths (roads), which one are you going to take?

And my answer would definitely be the road on top because this black girl is going places. So please watch out for me and remember, I am still here to answer your advice, just hit me up and I will help you out.

Wishing you nothing but Hard Dick and Bubblegum,

Tionna Smalls

I came across Tionna at a turning point.

I have been struggling with the process of self promotion,
with relaunching the blog, with writing under by given name,
with marketing myself as a writer and web content manager.

Its hard. Holding oneself out publicly to be something requires
both humility, discipline and courage. It also, and perhaps most
importantly,
requires the willingness to accept criticism
the way I accept praise. I have the capacity to do these things
most of the time but not all the time. When I don’t, I pray for it.

When I read about Tionna, I realized that we are similar in that
we see the work that we do as being important because
we want the girls who come from where we come from to see
that they CAN do something.

My whole crew, Jonzey, TR, Latoya, S.bot, Filthy and Ann have all
been crazy supportive in getting me to recognize that I have
a voice and to step out on faith and claim it.

On the other hand, there is a lot of money in the game of
trashing Black women. When I look at my bank account,
I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I haven’t thought
about running a site like that
.

But when I think about MLK’s words, I can only think,
that ain’t me. I need to embrace my lane and stop playing.

Thank you for reading, for commenting and your support.
It is in this blog that I have learned to develop my voice.
Feel free to digg, retweet or just ask questions.

This post felt good.

4.5.09 6pm EST Michelle Obama and the Black Female Body Podcast.

Michelle Obama and the Black Female Body Podcast with M.dot, B, and Randy.
Sunday April 5th 6pm-7pm EST
Call in Number
(347) 843-4723.

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Tentative Schedule
6:00-6:05
Introduction- Michelle Obama and the Black Female Body
6:05-6:15 Discussion- Michelle Obama and the Black and White Standard of Beauty
6:15-6:25 Questions from Callers
6:25-6:30
Wrap up-Additional Discussion

Randy runs the The Pam’sson Blogverse blog, and is a student and filmmaker.

B, runs The Prisoners Wife blog, an is a mom, student, teacher and wife.

We look forward to hearing from you!

‘Hood Respectibility: The Way I See It

Click to enlarge

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This humanity chart represents a scale of how I see
perceive life as being valued in
the hood.

Note the Black girls, D boys and White gentrifiers.

I am thinking about Camus and his idea
that the death penalty is premeditated murder.

I am thinking about This post and picture.

I a thinking, and acting. You been thinking?
About?……

Michelle Obama and The Black Female Body


As early as January, I knew that Michelle Obama’s body
would be a radioactive site and catalyst for a public

discussion about race, class and gender.

About a month ago, I was brainstorming podcast ideas and
the two
that I chose were Michelle Obama and the Black female
body
and Babies Vs. Dreams.

Not more than a week later after I chose these did
Maureen Dowd write about being in a taxi with David Brooks,
who referred to Mrs. Obama’s arms as “Thunder and Lightning.”

There was an ensuing discussion on whether Michelle Obama
should cover up her arms in photogr
aphs. Dowd writes,

In the taxi, when I asked David Brooks about her amazing arms, he indicated it was time for her to cover up. ?She?s made her point,? he said. ?Now she should put away Thunder and Lightning.?

I?d seen the plaint echoed elsewhere. ?Someone should tell Michelle to mix up her wardrobe and cover up from time to time,? Sandra McElwaine wrote last week on The Daily Beast.

I knew that Michell Obama’s body was going to ripe
area for dialogue because she is the first African American
woman to be treated as a symbol of fashion of beauty

who is not a singer or a movie star or athlete.

I am also not surprised by Michelle Obama’s body being
held up to public scrutiny, as Black women’s bodies
have historically, always been held up to public scrutiny.

Michelle Obama is not a set of body parts she is an
accomplished lawyer, mom and wife.
With regard to her accomplishments, I am particularly
drawn to, inspired by and would like to replicate her
work with the Chicago chapter of The Public Allies. Public Allies
is an or
ganization that encourages young people to work on
social issues in nonprofit groups and government
agencies.
In many ways Michelle Obama reminds me of a
loose embodiment
of Claire Huxtable from The Cosby Show.
Stylish lawyer, mom and wife
.

Intuitively, I knew Michelle Obama’s body would be up for discussion
because of the history of publicly appraising the Black female
body.
Historically, in the United States, the Black female body has been
on public display and subjected to public appraisal since chattel slavery.



Historically, the wealth of this nation has been tied to the health
of the Black female body. Enslaved Black female laborers
picked
cotton and tobacco, cleared land and
produced Black children
who were enslaved, became laborers. The healthier a woman

was, the more she worked and the more children she had who worked,
the more children she had, the wealthier the country became
.

Given the history of how the African American female
body has been treated in the United States, the public
attention that she is receiving is a natural
extension of what has happened to us since we arrive here.

The discussion about her body reveals things about
us that we may not rather admit. Our discomfort about race,
the legacy of slavery and the tendency to treat women in general
and Black women specifically like objects.

She also stands out because she does not fit a White
mainstream
standard of beauty or a Black mainstream standard
of beauty
, for that matter.

In the Newsweek article, “What Michelle Means to Us”

Allison Samuels discusses what Michelle Obama’s brown
skin means to African American women. She writes,

Michelle is not only African-American, but brown. Real brown. In an era when beauty is often defined on television, in magazines and in movies as fair or white skin, long straight hair and keen features, Michelle looks nothing like the supermodels who rule the catwalks or the porcelain-faced actresses who hawk must-have cosmetics.

Who and what is beautiful has long been a source of pain, anger and frustration in the African-American community. In too many cases, beauty for black women (and even black men) has meant fair skin, “good hair” and dainty facial features. Over the years, African-American icons like Lena Horne, Dorothy Dandridge, Halle Berry and Beyonc??while beautiful and talented?haven’t exactly represented the diversity of complexions and features of most black women in this country.

That limited scope has had a profound effect on the self-esteem of many African-American women, including me. “When I see Michelle Obama on the cover of magazines and on TV shows, I think, Wow, look at her and her brown skin,” said Charisse Hollands, a 30-year-old mail carrier from Inglewood, Calif., with flawless ebony skin. “And I don’t mean any disrespect to my sisters who aren’t dark brown, but gee, it’s nice to see a brown girl get some attention and be called beautiful by the world. That just doesn’t happen a lot, and our little girls need to see that?my little girl needs to see it.”

Samuels goes on to discuss how Michelle Obama
an serve as a reminder that we can exercise,
take care of ourselves and still have fly hair. I can identify
with this. Even though my hair is natural, the steam room turns my
twists into an lopsided afro, every time. Its irritating. Samuels
discusses how Mrs. Obama exercise routine may impact
us when she writes,

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There have been other articles written about Michelle Obama’s body.

Last November, Erin Aubrey Kaplan wrote “The First Lady
Got Back
” for Salon. On one hand while the article was warm
and appreciative of the fact that a woman with curves
would be a first lady in The White House. The article also

struck me as salacious. I cringed at seeing the word “boo-tay
in the same to Michelle Obama’s. The tone seemed a little
too informal given the seriousness of the topic.

Gina McCauley, a writer, lawyer and activist
who runs
What About our Daughters made
it clear that she didn’t care for Kaplans article. McCauley felt

that Kaplan was enhancing her career at the expense of writing
in an exploitative way about Michelle Obama’s body.


Taking these two views into consideration, I believe that
African American women, regardless of where we fall
on the color, body or political spectrum,
the prominence of Michelle Obama has created a space for
us to talk about things that we wouldn’t normally do publicly.

This is a great thing, in light of the fact that our needs often take
the back burners to the needs of our parents, our partners, our
jobs and our children.
I say this with the understanding that there is a distinction
between Black women talking about themselves, and mainstream media
talking about us.

I am light. As my momma would say, high yellow. When
I visit Oakland in the spring or summer, I turn copper. When I mentioned
this post to a male friend he asked me, “Why does this matter to you,
you are light?” I responded, “This isn’t about me, this is about little Black
girls seeing a brown skinned Black woman, who isn’t an entertainer,
be treated in our society like she has a contribution to make.” He

understood.

While African Americans do not talk about it publicly, we
have pervasive color issues. We are not alone. Many Asian
folks, Indian folks and Caribbean folks do as well. I contend
that having color issues around beauty is one of the
consequences of being descendants of a group of
people who have been colonized. Being lighter,
especially for Black women, historically has meant having
access
to resources and being perceived as being more attractive.
Being light has meant being able to assimilate into main stream
American culture more easily. Being light has meant an easier
time finding a husband.

We can’t post racialize our way out of this. The only way to change it is
to understand why it is this
way, and work to correct how it plays
out in our everyday lives
.

I was reminded of how loaded Michelle Obama’s body is
for some people when I visited a The Field Negro blog today
and a reader was upset over the fact that the Saturday
London Times published a picture of Michelle using a ho

to dig into the ground.


Mrs. Obama looked fly. She was dressed head to in New York
all black. She rocked a fitted sweater with leggings,
cinched waist belt,
patent leather boots and her hair was styled.

While I wasn’t offended by it, I could see how someone
felt that there was an inconsistency between the photographs
of the other prominent women featured in the photo stream.

I just wonder how healthy it is to constantly be reacting
to perceived racist portrayals. Besides, the Obama’s did
just break ground on a garden, which is what the photograph
was commemorating.

But then again, I can understand the sensitivity.

We live in a culture African American people start speculating
about whether a child’s hair will be “good” while the baby is still
in the womb.

We live culture where Chris Rock recently made a documentary
titled, “Good Hair” after his daughter came up to him
crying, saying, “Daddy, why don’t I have good hair?”

How can we be post racial, if we don’t have a fundamental
understanding of how race works in the first place?

I also am led to wonder, whose interests are being served
by
constantly repeating that we are living in a post racial society?

When it comes to Michelle Obama, we see her and our issues,
with a capital “I” get triggered. Being triggered is fine,
so long as the anger is focused and not reactive. That being
said, I am excited that we are having an open an honest
dialogue about Black women, race, gender and standards of beauty.

Blog Talk Radio Podcast:
Michelle and the Black Female Body
Sunday April 4th 6-7pm EST.
Call in. (
347) 843-4723. Join us.

Do you think there is Michelle Obama and a
Slavery Connection?

If not, where does the fascination with the Black
female body come from?

When will we deal with race and for that matter gender?