So Apparently, I am a Man

The same techniques used by white folks to keep Black men in check,
Black men use to keep Black women in check.

Last week on Twitter, I was chatting with @shehateme.

He mentioned something, probably a complaint, general
tweet like chatter. I responded, saying that he was strong,
that he would be okay.
He responded saying, no “You are strong,
I want to be like you.”

Another, Tweeter, @darius_sinclair responded saying, “Yes she is
strong, like three men.

I read it, and thought to myself, hmmmmm. Something about that statement
didn’t sit well with me.
Before I responded, I thought about it,
because quite simply, attacking people isn’t
productive nor my steez.

I asked @darius_sinclair, “Hey, what did you mean by this?He responded,
simply, “That you you are strong.”
Even though it seemed fairly innocuous,
it still didn’t sit right.

I asked a friend, who can sometimes help me see the forest for
the trees when it comes to race and gender theory. He said, quite simply,
“In our culture, women who challenge men, are not women, they are
not feminine, they are strong, and the only strong people are men.”

I turned to him and said, “I don’t know my place?” Then I nodded
saying I don’t know my place because one of my gifts is that
I feel comfortable everywhere (except in Projects that I don’t know,
they have me on edge, until I know the locations of key players.)

In a previous life, I was going to be a lawyer. What kind
of lawyer could I have possibly been if I didn’t feel comfortable
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Be analytical. Argue statutes. Argue Facts.

I had a teachable moment on the way that patriarchy (institutionalized
sexism) works.

As a woman, if I challenge anyone, especially men, I am not
a woman, I am not feminine, I am a man.

There is simply no room for me, as a woman, to like sports- its masculine,
to be into games, technology and programming- its masculine, to
be an argumentative lawyer- its masculine, to be a philosopher- its
masculine.

Implicitly when women are called strong, the motivation is to shut us up,
to silence us, and to try make us feel ashamed. While that may not necessarily
have been the case on Twitter last week, it is the way that gender functions
in our society.

It was then that I realized that the same techniques used by white folks
to keep Black men in check, Black men use to keep Black women
in check.

Lets discuss.

Writers Block

What do you all want me to write about? I know I used to ask this on a
more frequent basis.

I decided to do so today, because……I need help deciding.

You see, I spent the weekend in NYC and I was away from the internets.

Now, I am looking it the internets sideways, because..because…because….

Because school is about to start, because I just read this new Chris Hedges book
and I can’t get it out my mind (its like when you kiss someone and you can’t get
the moment off your byrd), because I have a little time on my hands
and because
I have relationship upheaval (I know, I always do, always processing, always
learning, lols)
, I just can’t seem to write the way I normally do.
I am stuck.
Backed up.

Funny thing is I get grumpy when I don’t essay on the reg.
Yes. I used essay as a verb. You know what it is
homies.
(I also think Mod Min about to be 4 in a couple of days. Hmmp.)

So here are the posts that I am most interested in:

  • What Our Forefathers Taught me about Revolution and Black People
  • Why Lil Kim Makes Black Women Uncomfortable
  • 50 Cent Masculinity Requires Beyonce Femininity
  • Notes from a Waitress
  • So, I Learned that I am a Man (about femininity and how if I am a woman
    who stands up to men, then I am a MAN, and no longer feminine. Deep, hunh?)
  • The End of California (Why California will be our first modern “3rd world” state)
  • Our Future: Sustainable Local Economies
  • I See Myself in Henry Louis Gates
  • Sexism Hurts {Black} Men Too

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this list, or something you have been curious about.

As usual, I look forward to your responses.

Twenty Questions Saturdays {I Know, Late Black Girl}

Life caught up with me yesterday, hence by ability to provide you
with the much beloved, 20 Questions Fridays, on a Saturday.

1. Why is it so hard to acknowledge that hip hop has an impact on
how Black children treat each other, with regard to sex,
tolerance
around sexuality and violence?

2. What if everything you had now, regarding material items,
was all you would have for the next five, ten years?

3. Are you in contact with the people who mentored you when
you were a teenager?

4. Why I still cheer the A’s, even though I don’t know any of the
players names?

5. Why is it so hard to turn off that “I should have said X to her”
voice?

6. What will it take for those who are employed to be concerned
with the fate of the semi and permanent unemployed?

7. Have you heard of the $5 slice of pizza?

8. Why isn’t there an international youth movement?

9. Why stuffed mushrooms go so hard?

10. Dapoxetine is found to be safe treatment and fulfills the needs of most patients, it has less side effects and cheap viagra no prescription http://opacc.cv/opacc/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/.._documentos_contabilistas_Modelo%2020.pdf can last up to 4 hours. In the long run this works out at a better per unit price, which is the ideal choice to canada viagra straight from the source avoid these issues. People found to be under high-risk group such as those with cialis canada prescription unrestrained hypertension, unhinged angina, or sophisticated heart breakdown, must postpone sexual deed until their condition is effectively treated. In the event that you take the tablet or the jelly with water. free prescription viagra Why did I find a bar that has a bookshelf full of philosophy
books, California beers on tap, right in Brooklyn?

11. Why, in addition to having a beer, didn’t President Obama
take a moment to facilitate a broader American conversation
on the
interaction between the police and Black communities.

12. How come there is never enough money for all the artistic
project ideas I come up with?

13. Why three different people tell me that I be over thinking
stuff, yesterday?

14. What collective obligation do Black folks w/ degrees and
education have to Black folks who do not have the resources or

access to achieve these things?

15. Why did being a waitress force me to grow up (in ways I
am still seeing everyday)?

16. Why is white poverty invisible in mainstream media?

17. Why are teen sex workers treated as criminals, as opposed
to people who need social services and mental health assistance?

18. Why for the first time in my life, I have visited New York City

and the people, in some ways seem incapable of feeling?

19. Have you considered composting?

20. How will I be able to blog in the fall when I won’t have anymore time?

You, of course, have answers.

Super Michael Jackson Brothers

I haven’t played Super Mario in more than 10 if not 15 years,
yet I still remembered some of the sequences. Creepy.
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Remember freezing a game in the morning and coming
back home to try and play it after school?

Yikes, the combo if Michael and Super Mario made me smile.

Enjoy.

In 5 Easy Steps

I let my anger kill a relationship once in ’07. I didn’t really let
the anger kill it, but I wasn’t mindful
of the ways in which my
coping mechanisms were impacting my relationship.

This summer, I thought that I was doing success simply because
I got out of bed, and put on my happy Black girl
routine and did
what I said I was going to do.
I was grinding, every which way I
knew how to get cake
to move to D.C. I was happy that I just
didn’t throw up my hands in defeat
but actually committed to
going and learning and ultimately growing.

Did I mention that I received a fellowship to go to a program
in the city that he attended, but I chose to go to D.C. instead.
So in the back of my mind a was a voice saying, “Girl, you could
have
avoided all this and just moved into a loft together, went to
school
and stayed put.”

I continually told myself, “This is only temporary, I can do anything for
a short amount of time just to get by.”
I came to be proud when I
delivered awesome service, and I learned
from my mistakes.
The worse mistake?

Walking up to a table and saying “Can I bring you the check” and
they responded “Um, we never got our entree.” OUCH!

Model Minority Fail.

The best moment was my first $15 tip and someone telling me that
I have a great personality and to keep it because it would take
me far.
Apparently, Filthy wasn’t too happy with how I was coped with
being a server in June.
To be fair, it was a lot for both of us to get use
to
in such a short amount of time.

This summer I blogged about how when I got home, I just stared at the
wall.
Sit on the internet. Well, I ain’t wanna hang out either. It was hard.
The bugged out ‘ish, is that the gig just ended so know I can
focus on getting all the grad school preparation ‘ish done.

Doing paperwork, reading books on the reading lists, reaching out to
my cohort, shipping boxes etc.
I don’t turn people into the harm that they
have caused.


I am not my wounds or my mistakes. Neither is anyone
else.
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the humanity in people. That doesn’t mean that
I don’t hold them accountable,
it means that I try and
seperate what they have done from who they are.

Its bugged out because in life, work is hard, and when your partner is
having a rough time, you can either empathize
with them, or you can
turn them into a monster.

In my conversation with him last night, I mentioned that I have never
turned him into a monster, and trust
me, I have the material to do so.

He wants to go on a road trip to Princeton, don’t know if I am feeling
that, given the turbulence. Praying
and waiting.

If it works, in some ways I see it as a vetting process
for having a tried
and tested compadre for my grad school
experience.

We all have growing pains.

If it doesn’t I am free to pursue the next phase of my life and all of the
illustriousness that it has to offer.
Here is to hairy conversations and
grown folks business.

Had to adjust to a new gig or city recently?
You let anger ruin ‘ish in your life?
How much do you tip when you go out?