Hello Brooklyn


I woke up in Brooklyn this morning.

It fit me like a pair of leather turquoise ballerina flats.

Perfect.

I have come to the conclusion that the reason why
this place suits me is that it serves as a mental buffer as I
am a person who thinks, lives and breathes on the margins.

My thoughts and views are not mainstream. I mean, the blog
is named Model Minority for a reason.

When I am talking race with a white person, or Black masculinity
with a woman, or “welfare reform” with a Latino Libertarian,
many time I depart these conversations feeling like I am on the
margin of the margins. It can be a lonely place.

However, I am not complaining, in fact, I think that is why Bk’lyn
holds me down the way that it does.

For instance, I was on the 3 train this morning, and all 35 people
on the train were Black. EVEN though, many times, my thoughts,
politics, and beliefs place me in the margin of the margins,
In that moment, on the train, I am not on the margin of the margins
and it isn’t as lonely.

Speaking of Brooklyn. Last night I was walking on Fulton with
Filthy and we got the bugged out ice grills from the older Black men.
Normally he doesn’t notice, but this time, it not only struck me,
but him as well.

I pointed that when I was here last, that we were walking around,
and that didn’t happen. But he reminded me that we weren’t in
the hood, we were downtown and in Fort Green which of course, is a
different animal.

The other side of it is that folks smile at us. On two occasions
yesterday at the MOMA, women smiled at us. I imagine that we
are a sight
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We all know that I am already paranoid. Now being out with a white
dude will add an extra layer of “Did he/she just say that to me
because I just walked into this bodega/restaurant /Banana Republic
with someone who isn’t black?”

For instance, we stopped inside that pattie place on Flatbush last night.
The server was taking his sweet time to give me my food, and when
he handed me my change he dropped my coins. I was like is this is
this how its going to be? Black men doing little sh-t to irk me in public
because they disapprove?

Filthy pointed out two things. The first thing was that that on
its, face it may seem like the cashier was trying to disrespect, but he
wasn’t very friendly to the customer just ahead of me, so he just may be a
grumpy @ss to everyone. But, once I got outside, I tasted the
pattie and it was all warm, good and full of vegetables.
The second
thing that he pointed out was that while he was taking is time,
it could be indicative of him trying to hook me up with the proper pattie.

So. In the end, you never know why people do what they do.
The most important thing, I am coming to understand is that 70% of
what people say and do to you has nothing to do with you. Nothing.

How do you avoid taking things personal?
When was the last time you took something personal?

Choose Ya’Self


Catfish, check.
Macaroni and cheese, check.
Saut?ed teriyaki broccoli, check.

Last week it was sesame ginger salmon,
buttery asparagus and roasted garlic potatoes.

Flavorful right?
Today I was cooking and I thought to myself
you know what, Imma’ marry me. I know it’s weird.
But we are a little familiar with each other around
here, especially after last weeks post.
You know howErykah sings,
I choose me?
In a way, I think thats what those meals remind me of.

I ran into some homies today, they have a brunch crew.
One of them, Melodia, was like, you going? I was like,
nah, got some blackened catfish and mac and
cheese to tend to.



She then mentioned that “The Boys” some other
brunch cats, might show up to my kitceh if they learned
that catfish and mac and cheese are on the menu. I

thought to myself, unless a dude is trying to
change my income tax filing
status, he best not
show up when I’m burning in the kitchen.



She noticed that I seemed serious. She asked what
it was about. I responded saying that the
cooking is
a sign of being high functioning.
She nodded, in agreement.

I learned something about myself last week.
With a mix of snacks and a full stomach, I can produce
some workable work.

Strawberry’s. Scones. Peerless coffee.

Last week. I wrote something everyday.
Everyday.
I don’t know if I can sustain it. I try not to worry about
that.

Speaking of cooking, Filthy is off visiting his
family and I miss him.

Last night we had one of those conversations where he
reflected on how it feels to have his work respected by
his family, how it feels to see that he would like to have
a conversation with his yet to be born son similar to
the one that he had with his dad yesterday

He mentioned how Manning Marable criticized Malcolm for
leaving his family in Queens to go Detroit and
deliver the Ballot or the Bullet,
the day after he,
Betty and the girls were bombed out of their family home,

He mentioned how being committed to progress and change
is often seen as being secondary to “the movement”.

My thinking has awlays been “what more progressive
thing can you do than sustain your family?”

I was impressed, but I was mum.

A man chooses, when and where he commits, to whom
and for how long. I just listened.

Speaking of commitments, SJ‘s birthday was yesterday.
Just like that. I missed him. Not like I wanted to call or
anything but he was my homie. Feel me? And its a wrap.
I couldn’t help but think about how he was willing to wait
until this weekend to see me. If you take in both then the Food Lovers Festival buy cialis canadian is set to boast in excess of one hundred stalls offering the best food available in the region. They just need to order the medication online via a order cialis online reliable online platform. These jellies give you more staying power, bigger and purchase viagra harder erections during the sexual activity. Still some 90% of families will retain the ongoing generic sample viagra go now child benefits. It would have been the first
visit since Christmas. Looking back, that willingness to
wait was indicative of an end that I had yet to accept it.
Ain’t hindsight some sh-t?

Last week’s writing hustle was type impressive and it
has carried into the weekend. I woke up Monday through
Thursday last week, and wrote at least 30 minutes before
the gig.

I got to the spot a night, I wrote. I remember reading that someone
encountered Jay Elec with the same outfit they saw him
wearing a few days ago, they inferred that Jay hadn’t been to sleep.

I am not at that point, yet. But I do know that my schedule,
for the last several days has had writing at the center piece.
It feels like every morning has a deliberate purpose.

However, last night, I couldn’t get anything out. It irked me.
Conversation with Filthy was on my bird a bit. I took a shower.
Still nothing.

So I just started looking for old Nas songs. I know that a good mix
will loosen it the writing up. I Discovered a fly joint with
Nas and Mobb DeepLive N*gga Rap“. Its dark and creepy,
just like how I like my Mobb music to be. I have added some
Slum Village
which makes me think about Jay Dee and how
we have to do what we need because we don’t know when
a day will be the last. “UBlack Maybe“, “Driving me Wild
and “Start the Show” by Common to the mix.

I got a page and a half in. E-mailed to Filthy for critique.

Went to sleep.

====
====

How do you deal with people dropping by?

Hindsight show you anything lately?

Discipline requires you to constantly be willing
to
exit from conversations and invitations to
return to your
work.
Have you done so recently?

How did it turn out?

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