My Daddy Ain’t No Feminist

Saturday I was talking to my daddy and was catching him up on my week. I told him I was reading this awesome book on Billie Holiday, If You Can’t Be Free Be a Mystery by Farah Griffin,  and that I was having a public conversation with another writer, a Black man, about the importance of having a working understanding of gender analysis if one is going to examine race in a meaningful way.

My father responded, well, Renina,  racism, sexism and homophobia are connected.  I sat there speechless. Quiet.

I didn’t expect him to say that.

That the man who raised me says things like this is telling. My dad the retired truck/bus driver.

You see, he went back to take some college courses at Merritt College (a community college in Oakland) in 2005 in his late fifties. At Merritt he took a class on Black studies with Dr. Love and they read Paula Giddings “When and Where I Enter.” In fact, HE read the book before I did.  We are both readers.

The fact that my father said this to me illustrated something that I haven’t been able to put my finger on in terms of my conversation with Ta-Nehisi.

I am not asking Ta-Nehisi to become a feminist, I am merely asking him to show me the same respect that I showed him and his work and read something that I have suggested. Furthermore, looking back, the reason why I picked up Nixonland (which then led me to finally start the book club here) because Ta-Nehisi recommended that I read it when I asked him for a book that would help me to understand the electoral politics of the 60’s and 70’s that would lead us to the dope game fresh era of the 80’s.

Framing the conversation as me asking him to become a feminist is lightweight absurd.
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It reminds of some kinda Black feminist one drop rule. If you read one work, your shit might turn like that press and curled hair in the rain. <<<#turrible aren’t I?

My daddy ain’t no feminist. But having read Paula Giddings book he can say matter of factually that racism, sexism and homophobia are related, and I would imagine if probed we could discuss why.

Side bar. My daddy also read Malcolm’s Autobiography when I was 14, after I read it. It had a pretty profound effect on me, as it tends to, so my dad wanted to know what was going on. He read it too, and it impacted him as well. In fact, as I write this I realize how our journey’s as readers was connected. Because my dad is a working class Black man, I have had the working assumption that working class Black men read. I am learning, that this is false. I am finding that this isn’t the case, especially, as I date.

Friday I ran into a friend of mine, Mr. Fantastic, who is a historian as well and he chatted with me about this conversation I have been having with Ta-Nehisi.  He said something pretty daggumit profound which was, “Who is responsible for telling both sides of the story and why?”  and “Is there more than one side.”  I don’t have an answer, but I am thinking about it. These are the kinds of things that historians say. #Theybekillingme.

Why is the fact that I am suggesting that a text be read  being framed as asking someone to become a feminist or even a gender analysis expert?

Maybe my daddy is a feminist or perhaps an ally? Luls.

Thoughts?

How old were you when you read Malcolm’s Autobiography?

Now That You Got It, What ‘Chu Gone Do With It.

Yesterday, I was sending an email to someone and I came across an old Law school colleague in the little auto fill jawn, so I decided to look her up.

Be careful when you do that shit.

I did a search and learned via the NY Times that she got married last fall to a FOUNE jawn, that she met in law school as well.

When Black folks make the NY Times marriage section, its not a game.  Black folks IN “the paper of record?” #ummhmm.  I smile every time I see somebody I know in there. The sociologist in me looks at the class background of the bride and groom or bride’s and groom’s,  their education background,  their parents occupation and their ages.

I started beating myself up, like she crazy young, she did really well in L school and she got a boo thang AND they both lawyers.

THE FUCK?

However as I spoke to Court Bear my dating coach I realized:
a. I only know part of her story. And based on my research on Black women’s sexuality over the last month, there is a LOT of performance going on, and I should be mindful of the assumptions that I make based on appearances.

b. When I started Law school, I was engaged, I gave back the ring, and I moved out. So what the fuck was I complaining for. I had it, I walked away from it. Black girls ain’t victims, they make choices. It’s really bugged out when you realize you are longing for something you already had. #Pitypartymuch?
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c. I have been fortunate to have people love me, dirty drawls Love.  I dated a giver this year honey. Once you do that, it ain’t no turning back. The blessing and the curse. This winter/year is teaching me how special and rare that is.

It was like….um, don’t be romanticizing people ish, because guess what, “Now that you got it what chu’ gone do with it.”

I remember the weeks before I moved out.  That August night when I hung that diamond cut diamond (which The Google has just reminded me is accurately called a Marquise, ah,  now I remember honey) around my neck the way Carrie did in SITC. I know, dumb corny, but in some ways I was saying, treat me right or leave me alone.  Shit Carrie did it, I can do it too. #ummhmm.

Peace to #Josephine and Black girls who stay having jobs in recessions and having jawns regardless of the season AND who do searches that bring them reality checks and Love bears. Embrace it, Can This Be Life?

I wrote this post because…


You check yourself mentally lately when comparing your life to someone elses?

Who helps bring you back to reality when you are having a pity party?


You look someone up recently and regret it? Appreciate it.

For Colored Bloggers Who Consider Sexism and Racism

Crystal and Beau Willie Brown and in a pivotal scene in For Colored Girls.

In Ta-Nehisi’s response to me, he acknowledges me, which I appreciate, then he apologizes for critiquing For Colored Girls without having read it recently, then I read him to go on to say that his blog is his space to work out his ideas, that his writing is for him, and that the gender politics may best be left to the gender studies professors.

I am a Black feminist scholar, from East Oakland, California and I have been blogging for nearly 5 years.

As a thinker, graduate student and blogger, I have done a lot of writing around racism, sexism and pop culture.

As a Black feminist the straight jacket of hegemonic Black masculinity matters to me and I see it as my job to support men and women who openly challenge and wrestle with it. I saw Ta-Nehisi do this in the “O” magazine article in 2006 and  in his book The Beautiful Struggle.

In The Beautiful Struggle his treatment of his relationship with his father was profoundly moving especially given the ways in which the stereotype of the “no good” Black man father is deployed on the regular in main stream media. In many ways his courage to both celebrate and critique his father has provided a framework for me to do the very same thing on my blog with my father.

I also really appreciated his candid discussion of what it felt like to be a young Black boy dealing with Black violence in the Baltimore in the 80’s. As Americans in general and as Black people specifically, I don’t believe we have a language yet to articulate and deal with the ways in which violence is a fucked up part of our every day lives and the impact this has on our relationships with each other and with ourselves.

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Context matters so here is a little about me. My family is working class, my mothers block in Oakland was shot up last month and I just received my first invitation to a White House event this week. Life is complex.

Initially I shouted out Ta-Nehisi on my blog in 2006 because I appreciated how he wrestled with being a dad in his “O”  magazine article. In fact my precise words were,

“I only have one question for you Senor Coates. Where is the book ? Tell the publishers there is a market and if you need proof I will give them a list. Trust.”

I provide this information to give background and context for my perspective. As I believe that our experiences shape what we see and how we interpret things.

Ta-Nehisi appears to be have been critiqued around his gender politics before and the line in the sand that he draws is that his blog is his space to work out his ideas. I actually feel the same way about my blog. No one tells me what to write. However, I am regularly challenged on WHAT I write and I often respond with reading more to make my work tighter.  It makes me a stronger more nimble thinker. It happened when I called Camus a White Algerian on Racialicious, and it happened when I blogged recently about Black Male Privilege vs. Male Privilege. Experience has shown that that I will be held accountable for the things that I say.  In terms of a critique of his gender politics Ta-Nehisi states,

I have fairly often found myself confronting this critique. I have tried to cop to my blind spots, and consciously work toward abolishing them. But I do not think bad impersonations of a gender studies professor are the way forward.

This leads me to ask, does reading a book or two about racism and sexism constitute being a gender studies professor? Or simply a little bit more well rounded?

The “do for self line” stung a bit.

“I’m Out for Delphia Selfia P’s Not Helping Ya'” ~ Mobb Deep

Telling me or his audience in general  to “do for self” mask’s the power dynamics at work between him, The Atlantic and his audience.

“Get It How You Live, We Don’t Ask For Help” ~ The Clipse

Perhaps he wants to enjoy the rewards of blogging for The Atlantic, but not the responsibilities? Perhaps, from his standpoint his responsibilities appear to be to himself and his employer, to ensuring that his blog remains a safe space for him to explore what he is interested in. Touche.

In the comment section of Racialicious, Shauna helped me to clarify why I was compelled to write a post about Ta-Nehisi’s gender politics, so long after the original For Colored Girls original post was posted way back in March.

You see, two weeks ago, as I read Ta-Nehisi struggle with Malcom X’s misogyny I thought two things. First, I thought, if he was more familiar with the literature of Black feminists within the civil rights movement then Malcolm’s misogyny wouldn’t be a surprise.

Second his response to discovering Malcolm’s misogyny kind of reminded me of the moment when some White folks realize that racism exists. Like damn Gina. Word?

Today, while perusing the comments on his blog I noticed that he hasn’t read much on the gender politics in The Black Power Movement. I had already inferred this based on his reading of Malcolm.

I mean, it is well documented in Black feminist circles and in some civil rights movement circles that Stokley Carmichael said that “the only place for women in SNCC is prone” and that Eldridge Cleaver said regarding rape in his book Soul On Ice that he “started out by practicing on black girls in the ghetto” and then when he considered “myself smooth enough I crossed the tracks and sought out white prey.”

Perhaps most prominently Assata Shakur, Elaine Brown, Angela Davis have all written about misogyny within the Black Power and Civil Rights Movements. In Why Misogynists Make Great Informants,  Courtney Desiree Morris writes,

Angela Davis, Assata Shakur, and Elaine Brown, each at different points in their experiences organizing with the Black Panther Party (BPP), cited sexism and the exploitation of women (and their organizing labor) in the BPP as one of their primary reasons for either leaving the group (in the cases of Brown and Shakur) or refusing to ever formally join (in Davis’s case). Although women were often expected to make significant personal sacrifices to support the movement, when women found themselves victimized by male comrades there was no support for them or channels to seek redress.

This is humbling but real. I am going to make it a point to mention that there are Black men online who struggle with both race and gender in some of their blogpost’s such as Professor’s David IkardMark Anthony Neal and Dumi Lewis.

There are also sites where Black women struggle with issues of race and gender such as my blog New Model Minority,
Racialicious, Crunk Feminists, JoNubian.com and Clutch Magazine. I hope that Ta-Nehisi reconsiders his stance, Love and change are always possible.

If not, I am satisfied with the discourse that my critique has engendered and perhaps if one or even two people pick up Black Feminist Theory from Margin to Center, Black Macho and the Myth of the Super WomanWhen and Where I Enter, ot the awesome new book I read this weekend, At the Dark End of the Street: Black Women, Rape and Resistance, A New History of the Civil Rights Movement, then my work, in some ways has been done.

Jay-Z Blinks at ‘Big Pimping’ Lyrics and I Take Notice

In The Wall Street Journal last week Jay-Z blinked at some of the lyrics that he has used historically. He was referring to his bars on “Big Pimping”. Here is the first verse,

You know I thug ’em, fuck ’em, love ’em, leave ’em
Cause I don’t fuckin’ need ’em
Take ’em out the hood
Keep ’em looking good
But I don’t fuckin’ feed em
First time they fuss I’m breezin’
Talking ’bout what’s the reasons
I’m a pimp in every sense of the word, bitch
Better trust and believe ’em
In a cut where I keep ’em
‘Til I need a nut
‘Til I need to be (in) the guts
The it’s beep-beep and I’m pickin ’em up
Let ’em play with the dick in the truck
Many chicks wanna put Jigga fist incuffs
Divorce him and split his bucks
Just because you got good head
I’mma break bread
So you can be livin’ it up
Shit I part’s wit nothin
Y’all be frontin’
Me give my heart to a woman
Not for nothin’ never happen’
I’ll be forever mackin’
Heart cold as assassins, I got no passion
I got no patience and I hate waitin’
Hoe get your ass in

I mean shit, I do say that a sponsor/pimp is an owner so, he is just kinda laying it out, no?

How does a Black feminist respond, when one of the the world’s most famous rapper’s, blinks at saying this?

Where does a Black woman feminist meet a rapper where they are, is there such a thing in this context?

It reminds me of how easy it is to normalize talking shit about us and build a career off of it.
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It reminds me of a post I have been thinking of “Rap Music A World Built on Black Pussy.” Please note that I said rap, not hip hop. Huge difference.

It also reminds me of tone of white people and institutions that apologize for slavery. What is the point of an apology without restorative justice? The hood still look crazy. In fact, I was awakened by gun shots last night. Somebody was mad and bucking blood.

How is an apology or in this case a recognition of sexist lyrics impacting our lives?

Is it meaningful because it may be the beginning of much needed discourse?

On the Crunkfeminist’s blog, Crunktastic related Jay-Z’s misogyny blink to the politics of dating while being a Black feminist. An awesome read that inspired me to write this. Peep it here.

Is saying “I regret those lyrics” a beginning or posturing or a combination therein, given the fact that human beings are NOT linear. I know I am not.

No I am not saying that what Jay Z is saying is analogous to slavery.

What I am talking about is how both racism, and sexism work in similar ways AND how women of color in general and Black women specifically experiences racialized sexism. I have written about it, here, here and here.

I remember being reluctant to criticize myself and Mobb Deep on Racialicious. Now the only reason I hesitate is to ensure that I choose the appropriate words and tone to get my point across. #OldLadyRapshit. #PeacetoUnkut.

My silence never protected me, never had, never will.

Engaging with rappers be some hairy shit.

Moya tried to holler at Nelly on Twitter a month ago to discuss the issues that arose between Spelman women and the Tip Drill video, but that went awry.

Just because it went awry doesn’t mean we shouldn’t raise these questions. In fact, it probably means we should.

Jay-Z is worth nearly half a billion dollars.

Because Black wealth is hard to come by, and because as Leroi Jones has said? “an analysis of the state of Black music in America tells us something very particular about Black people and the US,” his language is worth being analyzed.

Thoughts?

Big Pimping?

“Misogyny Blink” in Rap music?

Jay-Z x Nzingha Stewart x For Colored Girls.

Last week I learned that in 2005 Jay-Z stopped the release of his autobiography, tentatively titled, The Black Book because he found it to be too personal. After reading this and realizing that Nzingha Stewart was originally signed to direct For Colored Girls, ? I concluded that a barometer of Black womens? freedom is our ability control, tell and disseminate our own images, our own stories.? John Jurgensen writes about Jay-Z’s decision in the? in the Wall Street Journal,

But he felt that the memoir, tentatively titled “The Black Book,” revealed too many personal details. “It was great, but I couldn’t do it…”

Sho’ll must be nice to control your own stories.

Nzinga Stewart was originally set to direct For Colored Girls.

Why Tyler Perry wound up directing it, I don’t know. It feels like he walked out with “all of our stuff.”

I know that Nzingha Stewart had been working on For Colored Girls for a hot minute.? An interview on the blog 21 Hustle speaks on the process by which Nzingha came to work on For Colored Girls,

Last week Lionsgate Films announced that it? had acquired these? rights? and signed? Stewart to direct from her? adaptation of? ?For Colored Girls,? the critically acclaimed play by Ntozake Shange, that was written as a series of 20 poems telling stories of love, abandonment, domestic abuse and other issues faced by black women.

It is? important to understand that Stewart, who is mostly known for directing music videos,? wasn?t just ?signed?? by Lionsgate to write and direct;? This is a project that evolved by Stewart putting the motion pictures of her mind into real life motion,? thus creating a dream job for herself.

When talking about the process of trying to secure the opportunity to direct the film, Nzingha said,

It?s been a roller coaster ride. The hardest thing to learn is just how much this town is a business. More than anything, its who you know, how to talk to people , and what impression you give in the room. Decisions are made based on that more than even the work itself. So I have to go in prepared not to just pitch the work but to almost to pitch myself. And to make this person feel comfortable being around me. Like if we make this movie together it wont be annoying to be around me for a full year. Hollywood is business, and you have to master that aspect of yourself. I used to be that kind of artist who felt like the work is good enough. Its like it doesn?t matter about the work sweetheart. You gotta sell your project.

God Bless her.

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Tyler Perry.

Chris Rock.

Lee Daniels.

Steve Harvey.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

When will we stop complaining and start supporting the independent Black women film directors who are committed to telling our stories?

Shout out to @MyaBee, @Hotcombpics, @tchaiko, @superhussy.

Or maybe we can complain and support?? 🙂