Logical and Emotional

I am as logical as I am emotional and this confounds people. Breaks them into little unintelligible peaces. Why?

What do you do with someone can think linearly, who can identify the logical conclusion of a line of reasoning, but who also understand that she has the right to cry if she so feels moved. What do you do with a person who creates the space for other people to feel?

My mother just made me so mad, I started cleaning to relieve the anger. I am 2000 miles away for Loves sake. And the bugged out part, is that while it was happening, I could feel it escalating. She pushed my buttons and I was not going to back down, because the issue isn’t what she did, the issue is a matter of principle. Remember what I said about logic?!?!?!

You have to teach the people around you how to treat you, even if it means intense moments of discomfort.
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AND.

When you Love yourself, you stand up for yourself, (of course I understand that sometimes you can’t if it means that you may get killed #Oakland.)

</rantover>

New Model Minority: The Book Survey….Questions for Those Who Filled it Out in 2011:)

So. About 30 of you filled out the survey which is wonderful, but I don’t know who you are. Let’s remedy this.

Send me an e-mail to m.dotwrites dot gmail or you can fill out the Nmm labs form here to receive updates.

Thank you again for filling it out. When I have thought of giving up, I have kept you all in the back of my mind. There is really nothing like knowing that people actually give a shit about the words you write!!!

Oh, and if you are a new reader, and would like to tell me the topics you are most interested in me writing about in my book projects you can fill out the survey here as well.
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I appreciate ya’ll and it is nice to have some traction moving into 2013 even though my wrist is hella stiff. Stiff but working. < New tag line. o.O

Oh, and here is a post from Black Girl Everything on “Scandal.” Check it out “Thinking About Black Women’s Sexuality on the Show “Scandal”: The Liv and Fitz Affair.”

~R

Big Announcement: New Blogs – Race in DC.com and BlackGirlEverything.com

As many of you know I fractured my wrist in a car accident earlier this year. In the above photo I am at breakfast, having been out of the hospital for about a week. The wrist fracture sucked not only because my wrist was broken, but because it set me back in terms of my projects.

Well, I am happy to announce that I have completed two of the projects that I have been working on, the blogs BlackGirlEverything.com and RaceinDC.com.

I created Black Girl Everything, because I wanted to see a space online for Black girls that looked good and had good content. I created RaceinDC because many of the spaces online that discuss race in the city leave me wanting.  I also think that there are not enough conversations that are archived publicly about race and the city. If we can’t name the issue we can’t change the issue, and so I see RaceinDC as a space for social change.

Lastly, I am self publishing two books next year. The first one will be The Miseducation of All City: Essays on Race, East Oakland and Prep School.  If you want to receive updates on my new projects, sign up to receive the NMM Labs updates newsletter. Needless to say, I am excited. Here is a preview of the book cover.


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I am also putting together a set of essays of a book about Black women in popular culture. I haven’t decided on a title yet, but I will share that once it becomes available.

So thank you for your kind words and for telling me “I will not pay for blog  posts but I will buy whatever you sell.” I listened and I am producing and selling my work.

Let me know what you think about the blogs. I told myself that I would launch on 12.12.12 and I kept my word. Keeping my word to myself feels awesome.

You working on anything creative? Let me know. #blackgirlsarefromthefuture.

~Allcity

When A I Loved One Commits Suicide

 

It has taken me nearly a year to deal with the suicide of my play little brother Matteo.

I felt like shit when I first learned, nearly a year ago. In fact, I just laid on the floor and cried. When I saw that I had a phone call from a 510 number late on a Sunday night, I knew something was wrong; no one calls me from home that late unless something is wrong.

The day after I learned he passed, I still taught my class, but I mentioned to my students that someone close to me died, someone who was around their age.

Then I went to Ben’s with Jerm the Perm to eat wings. #NOTtheappropriatewayofdealingwithaDeath.

It really felt like shit to be there for my students, but not be able to be there for someone that I consider to be family, and I’ve held on to that until I went to Oakland three weeks ago and formally grieved his death.

You see, Matteo and I were close because I baby-sat him when I was in high school. When I say baby-sat I mean, 8 hours on Saturday, and 8 hours on Sunday. 16 hours per weekend for most of high school.
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I had just spoken to Matteo last August right before comps, just to catch up. I am glad that I was insistent about making a point to meet speak to him and find out how school and work was going. I remember sending him a few text messages in order to set up a time. Normally, that process annoys me, but I did it, it felt right.

What was useful about grieving the loss of him in Oakland, is that I finally came to understand that he was in so much pain, and was ready to go then there was nothing that I could do about it, unless he wanted help. At the same time, I wish, if he were in that much pain, that he would have reached out to me.

So, while I was in Oakland, I made a short movie and walked around his/our old neighborhood. It was then that I felt better. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again. But there was something cathartic about walking around the neighborhood and remember which street to avoid because they had two pit bulls in the yard and which house had the great garden tended by the Vietnamese grand mother.

After I made the video, I walked down to the Farmers Market and I saw someone who looked just like him, tall, White, early twenties, box jaw, I almost jumped out of my fucking skin. But I suspect that that is simply apart of the process. I just bought some fancy pesto and kept on walking.

Have you ever dealt with the loss of a loved one?

What was your process?

Can You Explain to Me What a “Ho Tape” Is?

I think that one of the reasons why some Black women have a hard time talking about Black women’s sexuality within academic settings is because of the emotional dexterity and vulnerability that comes along with doing so.

For instance, there is a line of feedback in my paper that says “Can you explain what a ho tape is”? Now it makes sense that the professor reading my paper asked this question because it is legitimate.

You have to think about the context. She has several statements asking me to clarify my methodology, to get to my analysis, suggestions on verb usage, suggestions on how to be a more precise writer. All of which I am hella grateful for.

But it is also a bugged out thing to read first, because I came up with the idea of “ho tapes” three years ago, and so it is also audacious for me to put my own kinda blog theorizing in my academic work.

FYI, for me “ho tapes” are the internal voice that Black women hear when they are debating whether or not to engage in a sexual act. Often times, the politics of respectability play a role, and I theorize that frequently our “ho tapes” stop us from experiencing pleasure, or they allow us to center the pleasure of another while making our own secondary. #buggedout?

But there is also something very surreal about Black women’s sexuality being taken seriously in this context. It reminds me that it I am very fortunate to be able to study Black women’s sexuality, to put my own ideas out there and for them to be taken seriously. This process also forces me to clarify what I mean when I come up with new terms, which is a good practice.
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So, Josephine, I know you miss our discussions, I miss them to, but please believe you are with me because i have put you and so many of my friends in my work.

Maybe I am on to something here. Maybe writing is less lonely when you have your friends in it, ho tapes and all.

 

What do you think of the idea of a Ho Tape?

Isn’t it awkward to have to justify something like this in an academic setting?

The irony is that Black women are called “ho’s” in Black communities and in some pop culture spaces…all the time.