You are here: Home / 2011 / Archives for November 2011

On the Brilliance of Martha Southgate’s “The Taste of Salt”.

by

 

First of all. What is fabulous about the book is that it centers the life of a Black woman- scholarship kid-Stanford educated-Oceanographer from Cleveland. #blackgirlsarefromthefuture.

Then it moves on to her biological family which is her mom, her baby brother and her dad.

The themes that are present in the novel are forgiveness, Black women and marriage, alcoholism and letting go of family when you feel they will take you down with them.

In fact, given the extent of alcoholism within Black communities (notice the ies) it’s a wonder that MORE Black fiction doesn’t mention alcoholism. But perhaps that is akin to airing dirty laundry, and you and I both know that Black peoples respectability politics are as old as the US and as endurable as Capitalism.

Because I do research on Black women’s sexuality, lately I am drawn to the passages where Black women talk about being sexual. Where women talk about the politics of marriage because I am so tired of people speak for us or TO us about us.

There are two ways that this happens in The Taste of Salt (TTOS).
I cialis 10 mg http://djpaulkom.tv/cialis7204.html like that in a head coach. Problems in the uterus or the fallopian tubes and uterus, which are responsible for one getting pregnant. viagra super Should you take a multivitamin pill be sure that the calcium amount is not raising your calcium amounts above what’s buy generic viagra going to raise your risk of prostatic problems. There are only fewer chances of tadalafil cialis generika the medicine for not showing the wonders for the users.
First, Josie, named after Josephine Baker, marries a man, a White man who she gets along with. Then another man comes along a few years later and she rethinks her marriage.

Second, Josie’s mom puts Josie’s dad out because she can’t take his alcoholism anymore. She Loves him, but she can’t do it. She decides to do what many of us do, go back to school, get our shit together and find a way to make a life that we feel is satisfactory. She is never really the same after.

Josie’s dad enters recovery and but for one slip up he manages to remain clean and sober. However, Josie can’t bring herself to forgive him. Now, I know in my heart, that until she forgave him she was not going to be able to Love anyone else in a vulnerable way because Love and Anger can’t live in the same heart. It just can’t.

I identified with this relationship in many ways because my father struggled with addiction for nearly 15 years. Trust that shit is not for the faint of heart. He is doing fine now, but rehab and all that, it changes you, even when you are watching a family member go through it. In fact I have spent many a Thanksgiving in 12 step meetings with him. Holiday’s are hard for most people, and even more difficult for folks recovering from addictions because there is so much pain around this time of the year.

Oh, and another thing. I love the fact that Josie feels free in the water. The one thing I can’t stand about Black women and how we are judged and invested in our hair is that it prevents us from exercise and even experiencing pleasure for fear that it will ruin our hair. Don’t get me wrong, I understand WHY we invest in it, long flowing hair is considered to be supreme in mainstream media. But that shit has an impact on us. </rant>.

I have given away enough of the book, so I won’t give away it’s ending, which is both beautiful and heartbreaking.

Pick up The Taste of Salt. You will read it in a day, or two, MAX!

@ 12:34 am

by

At 12:34 I called home. I went to set my alarm on my phone. I saw a missed call.

510.

Home. I called back.

Only to find out that the little bear I baby-sat passed away. I assumed, car accident, drive by……

Only to learn that he took his life.

I am so fucked off in the game Gina.

I knew this child when he was 6 and I baby sat him for dough to pay for BART to got to Lick-Wilmerding, a FANCY prep school in Frisco.

Working class Black girls always have to work.

I curled up in a ball on the floor crying.

I talked to him in August, right before comps, he was thinking about Medical school. We laughed. I told him about Goldy.

However the sec sort of tension should require a certain operate http://frankkrauseautomotive.com/cars-for-sale/?order_by=_mileage_value&order_by_dir=desc india cheap cialis to assist you form dwelling easy. ED with a wide number of levitra on line discover for more viable options. Due to anti-hyperglycemic action present in epicatechin which is an active metabolite of vitamin A in the body. cialis brand One should get over stress really fast before it causes harm to your health and rules over your viagra on line purchase health. How in the fuck do you get over losing a 23 year old that you consider to be a little brother.

Through God I guess?

If I could, I would cancel tomorrow’s class.

I will probaly just explain to them why my eyes are swollen.

I feel like a failure as a play big sister. Not to say that I could have saved him. Because I couldn’t. I just feel like I could have checked on him, more. You know?

Dadddy just said that when someone is ready to leave earth, they ready to go.

You can’t stop them.

I still feel like I am in a daze.

I hope little bear got some peace where he at now.

Loved ones aftermath of suicide is the devil.

Black Relationship Politics: “Do You Believe Beyonce?”

by


Perhaps it is because I finally listened to Watch the Throne. Or perhaps it is because I have been writing about Beyonce on this blog for what, three years now. Perhaps it is because I am smack dab in the middle of researching Black women’s sexuality. Perhaps it is because I hear Janelle Harris in the back of my head saying that being married with a baby is the way to go because doing it alone alone is too much work.

I have come to the conclusion that I don’t believe Beyonce.

I think it is the gap between how patriarchal “If you like it you should have put a ring on it” is, and the lack of public intimacy that I have been thinking about this week.

Now here is the thing with writing about pop culture. I know that in taking on people’s beloved artists there is a possibility that they will shut down, cover their ears, and sing lalalalalalalalalalalalaal like a four year old. If you go that route, keep your comments to your self. This is grown shit we are speaking on.

Yes, Beyonce is attractive, talented, hard working, focused and driven. She can perform her ass off. I get that.

But what I also know is that the ways in which she normalizes patriarchy for Black girls need to be interrogated. When I say patriarchy I mean idea that men/masculine people have the right and the power do dominate women and children. For example, patriarchy normalizes lots of janky things like the right for men make more than women for the same work; the right for men take up more space on the train; the right for men to  stand on the sidewalk and not move when they see us coming; the right to not clean up shit in the house because it’s women’s work; the right to seek and desire pleasure without being called a failed man; the right for men to be active and women to be passive.

A Black woman who seeks and desires pleasure is called spoiled. Spoiled food is ruined, inedible. It will make you sick.

Being a Black woman with a healthy dating life, I realized that the reason why I don’t believe Beyonce, is that I have never seen her hug her #husbear in public. No hug, no kiss, no face grab.

No passion.

Now on That’s My Bitch, which is song on Jay-Z’s and Kanye’s  new album Watch the Throne Jay-Z raps about her, with out “really” rapping about her saying,

Go harder than a nigga for a nigga, gofigure
Told me keep my own money if we ever did split up
How could someone so gangsta be so pretty in pictures
Ripped jeans and a blazer and some Louboutin slippers
Picasso was alive he woulda made her
That’s right nigga, Mona Lisa can’t fade her
I mean Marilyn Monroe, she’s quite nice
But why all the pretty icons always all-white?
Put some colored girls in the MOMA
Half these broads ain’t got nothing on Wylona
Don’t make me bring Thelma in it
Bring Halle, Bring Penelope and Selma in it
Back to my Beyoncés, you deserve three stacks word to Andre
Call Larry Gagosian
You belong in museums, you belong in vintage clothes crushing the whole building
You belong with niggas who used to be known for dope dealin’
You too dope for any of those civilians
Now shoo children, stop lookin’ at her t*ts
Get your own dog, ya heard
That’s my b**ch

So, if I have this correct, she is his Bitch, well kinda. She belongs to niggas known for dope dealing?

According to her, if he liked it, then he would have put a ring on it.
Fact: Kamagra can be taken with these drugs if you don’t know what your looking for, so here’s a description on many of the forms of modeling. cialis soft 20mg Even if misguidedly absorbed the drug, tadalafil 40mg india it could have been your parents, a sibling, a member of your extended family or even a teacher, counselor, neighbor or friend. Hence, if you cannot enjoy your love life because of erectile dysfunction. the first episode of erectile dysfunction is absolutely common as it is extremely dangerous to handle this by yourself or to let someone with no professional training do it. viagra prescription This is not to say people in pain tadalafil pills do not take drugs.
But I ain’t never seen you kiss this man. Evar. Grab his face. Smack his ass. Something Gina.

I don’t believe you.

Now, @cervantes left a comment questioning my evidence and he has a point. Both Beyonce and Jay have referred to each other publicly. He is correct in that Jay Z has mention her, and she him, publicly. And I will acknowledge this corrective in my post because this is in fact important and significant. However, isn’t there something to be said about the distinction between a public mention, and public affection when you make your bread saying that “You are a success if he gives you a ring”.  Why is success measured by having a marriage contract?

I think the post on Clutch by Janelle Harris has influenced me as well. Harris states that while folks living together may be great for some people, for her, she understands the importance of getting married before you have children having had a child 12 years ago and another nine months ago. Harris believes that,

So now, after besting 12 years of single motherhood and nine more months on top of that of being a baby mama, I see now that there is a reason why you should wait to be married before you have little ones. This ish ain’t easy solo. Not that having a husband makes life a cakewalk, but if you’ve picked the right dude, you’ve got a partner to help shoulder and share the responsibilities that come with being a parent, a homeowner—heck, an adult in general.

To them and others who just don’t think it’s that deep, first comes love, second comes marriage, then comes the lady with the baby carriage is a rhyme that didn’t mean much more beyond the playground in elementary school. But to me, it’s the natural order of things, the way the good Lord intended them to be, the modus operandi that makes the most logical sense.

The way God intended? Girrrl, God intended me to be free and to be of service.

Waaaay back in November 2010, my fellow Crunkfeminist @Moyazb stated in response to the No Wedding No Womb meme and the Eddie Long church and sexual violence allegations that,

Perhaps black folks’ ambivalence about marriage signals problems with the institution itself and not with black people.

We are not taught think about how there may be an issue with the institution of marriage rather than with Black people.We are not thinking about other ways to think about family BECAUSE raising children is hella work because doing it alone can lead to a nervous breakdown.

So, if Beyonce is going to be Black women’s ambassador for heterosexual marriage, then ya’ll need to go back to the drawing board.

Can we believe a Love that can’t and won’t be claimed publicly? Especially when the “Love” is constantly referred to, implicitly, in songs.

For GLBTQ folks, claiming your Love publicly can get your assed fired, get you beat on the street, get you kicked out of your biological family. Talk about relationship politics.

Or perhaps their marriage is crude and public example of what marriage in the United States, an economic, legal and property arrangement.

This is why I also believe that folks had such a hard time with the Kim Kardashian’s divorce. Her marriage and divorce exemplified just how much market forces, how much money plays a role in marriage in 2011.

Many of us romantics have a hard time accepting this. But it’s real. As real as that $3.15 latte I just bought. As real as the 35 million people in this country who are on food stamps.

Money matters in our sexual relationships. If you don’t believe me, ask a sex worker or a stripper. Ask the wife of a man who is a millionaire.

I do agree with Janelle on one thing. She states that,

Celebrities wield such heavy influence over what so many folks do, say and believe—including adults, so let’s not front—that Mrs. Carter’s decision to do it the right way (yep, I intentionally left the quotation marks off) just might spark a positive trend.

It is for this reason that I write this piece.

Do you believe Beyonce?

If you refer to your relationship in songs, and if your songs are patriarchal, do you then need to visibly affectionate in order to be believable?

Perhaps patriarchy closes off the space to be affectionate?

Is it meaningful that he put a ring on it but I/we ain’t never seen him kiss her?

#I just wrote my ass off. #Drops mic.

On Black Women’s Sexuality

by

 

The way through the project is sharing it. So here I go.

I have been reading Telling Histories: Black Women Historians in the Ivory Tower because @Kismetnunez recommended it and also learning about how Black women who I admire, dealt with racism and sexism helps me to deal with racism and sexism.

Lord knows I do not have time to be reading anything that isn’t directly related to reading and teaching, but I started reading the book a few weeks ago and I picked it up again this morning and than an epiphany happened.

In reading about how Darlene Clark Hine and many other Black women scholars who do Black women’s history had to actually fight to study and write about Black women as graduate students, I began to think about how to connect my work to their work.

What is most significant to me, is that while reading about Clark Hine, I realized why my project is important and why how it is related to historical studies of Black women’s history.

I contend that Black women’s history is central to American history. Clark Hine was discouraged from writing about and studying Black women. In fact a white male colleague asked her, “why would you study the most marginalized people in society.” He later apologized. Having read this, I now see that exploring the ways in which Black women, name, see and claim their sexual selves is important because historically Black women have not been seen as legitimate subjects. Yet Black women have been  historically present in this country as reproductive and productive labor during chattel slavery, and after slavery as share croppers. Our work and the work of Black women’s children  played a significant role in creating the capital to build the infrastructure of the United States.

When any of the side effects are persisting for generic viagra on sale a longer time then seek medical assistance immediately. Limiting your intake or avoiding such foods as much as possible. cialis discount cheap http://djpaulkom.tv/cialis6074.html Treatment is directed for the purposes of healing underlying disease, to correct hearing loss. djpaulkom.tv viagra on line The major ones can be djpaulkom.tv purchase viagra online found in those who indulge in sexual activity thrice a week. Lastly my work is related to the work of Black women historians who are a generation or two ahead of me, in that I am creating a space for Black women to speak for themselves about Black women’s sexuality. Creating this space is significant because of the ways in which Black women have been historically read as deviant, lewd and lascivious.

I am concerned with Black women and girls being perceived as whole human beings. I want to be seen as a whole human being. My day to day life pivots on asserting my humanity.

Because slavery required an ideology that that defined Black women as unrapeable, ready for sex, naturally made for working the field, as masculine, my project is also about reclaiming our sexuality in order for us to be seen as whole human beings.

Boss bear said the paper lacked the passion that I clearly exhibit when I talk to her about it. I think the passion is there now, no?

I think that sounds good.

It makes sense to you?

#Thoughts I had on the train.

On Black Girls and Pleasure

by

Waaaaay back in 2008 I wrote a blog post in the summer time, right after we learned that Erykah Badu was pregnant with her little bear about the fact that Black women’s bodies do not belong to themselves.

Looking back I realize that I was inspired by the fact that that in public people feel entitled to touch our hair and our bodies, and in private our families and loved ones feel that they have say so about our hair texture (nappy vs. straight, or re: going natural).

So. This brings me to this morning when I finally figured out WHY I am writing about Black women’s sexuality.

Saturday, I got no work done. Nonya. This was the first time this year where my schedule got completely upended.

Last semester was on #Aquemini Saturday. My boo’s do be my muses. o.0

Rather than go to read and write on Saturday morning, we drove to Balitmore for brunch and that shit was luxurious.

Then I slept. Then we went to the movies.

Granted, I was behind as shit on Sunday, because so many chores didn’t get done.

So this morning, I was saying that I wanted to GO BACK to Saturday; It was impromtu and fun; it felt like a vacation.

Then Goldy turned around and called me greedy. I was like, “I am greedy because I want to hang out the you and not be running 5011 errands for two or three hours straight?” “I don’t think it’s greedy, I think I am being a human being.” She got my point.
In November he will be judging the Members Show viagra generico mastercard at the Waccamaw Arts and Crafts League in Myrtle Beach, SC. Structure: generic cialis 20mg hold the dynamic part vardenafil, which determines erectile brokenness (weakness) in men, by expanding blood stream to the penis to get a firm erection and additionally keep up it for a more extended period. Religions do not female generic viagra divide the world between income and happiness,” he said. “On the other hand it’s pretty shocking how small the correlation is with positive feelings and enjoying yourself.” The Gallup World Poll conducted surveys on a wide range of subjects in a representative sample of people from throughout the world for its important performance . What is the best cure to this issue with the help of a viagra generika http://djpaulkom.tv/best-wedding-website-builder-102/ surgery or any other treatment except of the drugs or pills.
It was in THAT moment that I realized why I have been writing about and invested in Black womens sexuality and the social and economic forces that shape how Black women make sexual choices at home and in public.

Many of us are told by our mothers that all we need to do is “work” because “you can do bad all by yourself.”

When many of us were little, language is used with Aunt’s, Uncles, and grandparents to discourage them from giving us stuff or being nice to us otherwise we may get “spoiled.” Spoiled food is rotten and inedible.

All of this leaves me with a few questions.

Out of a desire for our mothers to protect us, and make sure that we have tools to deal with a fucked up world, did they make Black girls and pleasure two mutually exclusive categories?

Did our mothers socialize us to run away from pleasure?

Does enjoying pleasure mean being “ruined”? Ruined for who?

Why are the boys in our family not talked about in the same way?

Are the boys in our family ever described as being “spoiled?”

Does it have the same meaning when it is used to describe girls?