As many of you know, my brother is one of my most favorite people in the world. He is funny, handsome, has a dark sense of humor think “Black Mike Judge” meets Richard Pryor. Lastly he is extremely charming and tries to be there for momma. As a Black working dad who tries to participate in his children’s lives as much as possible he keeps me grounded in many ways.
As of late, we have been having beef, Why? His anger and how he expresses it.
Now we have been known to dance around our mutual disagreements. Dude is an avid Mike Savage listener. I kid you not.
He would say something anti-immigrant, or homophobic. And I would decide whether or not to engage with him.
If it was a “not engage” I would be like “blood, Imma call you tomorrow, because clearly you are on personality number 252 and I need number 28 today, later”. And that would be that.
If it were an “engage” I would be like “what do you mean by that?” We have blown up at each other, made up, etc.
Well, as of late I have been insistent about him raging at me about shit he does not like in his life, mainly his love bear who he often refers to as “bitch assed bitch” when he is upset. This can be twice, three times a week. o.O
Now deep in my heart, I knew I was going to have to account for this. Meaning I knew that the vitriol he directed at her was going to come my way. How could it not?
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It hurts when standing up for yourself means having less communication with someone you Love.
However, God did not put me here to be someone’s (auditory) rug.
Words can be Love. Words can do Violence.
If they don’t do violence, let a white person call a Black person a “nigger” publicly and see what happens. (And honestly, I historically do not spell out the B word, BUT because of my contention with rap blogs and how they will SHOW women’s bodies but not type out the B word or the N word. Really. Sounds like corporate sponsor bullshit to me).
I hope that my brother is able to see that I am standing up for myself on principal. Even if he doesn’t I have to.
I will call for Thanksgiving, if I am up to it, or Christmas for sure. Other than that, I am all set until I am spoken to like a human being.
I am not an object and neither is he. #LovenAndChangeareAlwaysPossible.
Boy oh boy. Mmmmmm.
I see what your tweet earlier was about now, maybe?
Family be hard. And so is figuring out how to stand for yourself and what that even means.
<3 your way.
Had to add another comment. Because this is deep and rolling around in my brain. Because I just had a recent encounter with family and (words doing) violence and being feminist and doing feminist things and expanding consciousness and folks not catching and (more important) their love not catching up.
This is tough. And it isn’t something we discuss often. Why is that? Fear of failure? Like if we can’t get through to our own families, how are we supposed to get through to the peoples? Just because it is sensitive and personal?
And we don’t discuss our love enough. Because we still love them. And how do we model communities where we resolve violence without chukking people out of our lives?
*thinks thoughts*
Well.
The personal is political.
My only issue with posting this is my issue with all of my posts which is that I will probably have to answer to him about it one day because it is public. And that is fine and legitimate.
I talk about LOVE all the time on the blog. My readers like it. It is also healthy for me because I process by writing. I also know, based on emails and comments that I shape how people see things. So, in sharing this about my brother I hope to give another little bear the language to stand up to a family member if they don’t like how they are being treated.
I didn’t chuck him. He is on time out. I have been VERY clear that I love him, I miss him AND if he can find another way to talk to me, then we will be cool.
One thing I do know honey, people grow more and more into who they are every day and it is MY business to accept the person for who they are or to leave them the fuck alone.
Black. Feminist. Thought. #pow.
“It hurts when standing up for yourself means having less communication with someone you Love.”
I have been living this. Your blog is fiyah. Are you on twitter? I’d like to be able to engage with you there.
Nichole