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Pressed

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So I met a jawn a week ago. No big deal eh.
He was pressing me. I obliged. He was double take handsome,
which I don’t do, normally. I typically do eccentric and cayute.

New year, new thangs.

I knew school was starting, I wanted to kick it, a little company
ain’t never hurt nobody.

Food one night. Drinks another. More food. Puttering around.
Awesome.

You know how you be out, and the person come meet you.
Or they about to eat, so they call you, cuz they know YOU
like to eat.

Or you gonna kick it with your girls, and then you be via text,
“Im out with my girls, but if I get in by 10, I’ll holler and we
could get some late nite ice cream or a snack.”

Well.

Apparently, I had up walls, initially or as he called it, “I
wasn’t invested.” This was mentioned to me when I asked
him, why he was just now telling me that he went to law school.
And I just came from my Janey y Teakcake adventure in Cali.
(More about that later.)

‘Neens had a whole lot to process boo.

So, after hanging out a few times over the last week or so,
he mentions.

“Well, you didn’t seem invested.” And I was stopped dead in
my tracks. He was right, I wasn’t. I mean given, the last month,
could I really be? Was it healthy for me to be, was the better
question, lols.

I wasn’t pressed.

So, it got a little “intense” I turn around and “invest” time, energy
daggumit if he ain’t pull back.

And that’s cool, because if I am direct, and you ain’t cool
then deuces.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that my feelings are a bit hurt.
I didn’t stand up for myself on the phone tonight and I regret it.

Looking back, its really my ego thats hurt, and honestly I just
need to exercise my voice and my blog is the place to do that.

Given the fact that its just my ego, prayer will deal with that.

Event though he was fly, spiritual helpful bear, and let me ramble about Black women, gender and sexuality. Eh.
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I am my fathers child. I make friends wherever I go.

On a real note though, I also wonder, what it means for
someone to check for me hard, when I am not pressed,
then to shut me down when I am direct, like “Wassup, I’m
trying to kick it.” But play me close when I am
relatively indifferent.

Like, blood, you can only like Me when I mush you. We really doing that in 2010?

People who only like folks who are disinterested in them,
or unavailable tend to have profound intimacy issues, trust.

I have done my share of unavailable folks. I speak from
experience.

Peep game, I will repeat what I learned from the Two Train Wisdom.

Renina is checking for people who want to date her,
be her friend, invite her to stuff. Chasing unmet expectations
will have me sitting on the pity pot, for certain.

Besides doing so leads to victimhood type thinking.

To accept less is disrespectful to me and mine. This isn’t to
say that I always follow this creed, but I try.

Love me or leave me alone.

Either Way I will Learn and Grow.

Salud, to February, because,? Black girls need a new month.

Oh, did I mention that I have 3 books to read by Monday,
so my mind will be occupied, I just have to make certain that
my spirit y interior world is taken care of as well.

The greatest challenge, one of the many challenges of being in
school is reading the stuff, giving myself room for error,
not beating myself up when I make mistakes, realizing that
while I have earned my right to be here, it is in my best
interest to be humble.

Best interest.

Fearless and Vulnerable in 2010 on mine.

Are you ready for February yet?

Do you have a place to work out last conversations with people?

A process?

Date anyone double
take cayute lately?

What I Read

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Where does all the nerdiness come from?

I get it from my momma,

Talking with Y’all,

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Yes. Above is one semesters worth.

Glad I got my eye sight still. Not a bad life, no?

Amen.

“Third World as Retirement Home”>>These Negros

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These negros are talking about shipping
the elderly from the Global north (First world
north) to the Global south (Third world south)?

So you mean to tell me, rather than deal
with humans where they are, to provide them with
health care after they have worked, had children,
paid taxes, fought in wars, they will be
shipped somewhere else because it “makes
more sense.” This is profound.

This is another example of the ways in
which the lives of the folks of the Third
World South, subsidize the lives of the folks in
the First World North.
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One somewhat daring approach ? would be to encourage a reverse flow of older immigrants from developed to developing countries. If older residents of developed countries took their retirements along the southern coast of the Mediterranean or in Latin America or Africa, it would greatly reduce the strain on their home countries? public entitlement systems. The developing countries involved, meanwhile, would benefit because caring for the elderly and providing retirement and leisure services is highly labor intensive. Relocating a portion of these activities to developing countries would provide employment and valuable training to the young, growing populations of the Second and Third Worlds.

The audacity of creating, in 2010 and beyond an
entire country of underpaid Negro, Asian and Latino
nurses and servants is incredible.

In some ways, this IS the manifestation
of a world separated into two groups,
the Elite and the people who serve them.

Brazil is this way, and California and New York
City are moving towards it.

As I always say, where will people go and
what will they eat?

We are all connected.

What It Means to Be A Working Artist

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Tonight I watched Chop Shop, a film by Ramin
Bahrani, about a 12 year old young man in Queens, who makes
his way in the world, with at least twelve different hustles.

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an interview he writes,

I see every film as its own entity. It begins and ends with itself. we must accept that i am making films about how the majority of people in this world live, and we must also accept that this majority is utterly ignored by Hollywood and independent film (or belittled and exploited by using famous rich actors to play the roles of the economically poor in order for said actors to try and win awards). Thus, you may say that the connection between the two films is there, but as relevant as saying I am making films about people and the human condition in the “modern” globalized world.

Chop Shop is available on the Netflix instant play jawn.

Quoted: Dorthy Roberts >Black Womens Reproductive Rights

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For too long, Black women’s struggle against the most degrading repression has been left out of the official story of reproductive rights in America. But it is their struggle that highlights the poverty of current notions of reproductive freedom. It is also their struggle that can lead to a more radical vision of reproductive justice. …A vision of liberty that respects the reproductive integrity of Black women is a critical step towards a just society for everyone.

She goes on to say, speaking about the very definition of liberty,

The Supreme Court as elevated reproductive liberty to the level of a fundamental right against government interference deserving of the highest judicial scrutiny. But Black women’s reproductive choices seem to fall outside this sphere of protection that is supposed? to apply to all citizens. There is something drastically wrong with a conception of reproductive freedom that allows this wholesale exclusion of the most disadvantaged from its reach. We need a way of rethinking the meaning of liberty so that it protects all citizens equally. I propose that focusing on the connection between reproductive rights and racial equality is the place to start.

Dorthy Robert’s, Killing the Black Body is a thorough treatise on the history of both Black women’s bodies, issues of reproductive justice and the American Medical Industry.

When I read this last semester I was floored at the ways in which our bodies, post slavery, have been treated like nothing by the American Medical establishment, especially if we were low income.

Roberts analyzes forced sterilizations of low income women, non consensual sterilizations pregnant teens, removal of babies if we were addicted, the trial and error methodology of new and unproven and frequently harmful medicines such as Depo Provera, on our bodies.
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In fact, I remember reading The Source in the early 90’s and there were ad’s for Depro Provera, and I always thought it was odd that such a masculinist magazine had ads for implant contraception. Essence had those ads too, come to think of it.

Dorthy Roberts goes on to say at the end of her book, both succinctly and eloquently, that laws that have a disparate impact on Black women’s reproduction are antithetical to an American democracy, in light of the ways in which our reproduction was tied to this nations beginings and subsequently, American wealth as a whole. She writes,

The reason legislatures should reject laws that punish Black women’s reproductive decisions is not an absolute and isolated notion of individual autonomy. Rather legislatures should reject these laws as a critical step towards eradicating a system that has historically demeaned Black motherhood. Respecting Black women’s decisions to bear children is a necessary ingredient of a community that affirms the person hood of all its members.

Why are we so silent around reproductive justice?

Is it that I am not listening in the right places?

Your momma ever talk about pre-Abortion United States?