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Rihanna, Sasha & Malia

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A couple of weeks ago, 50 cent conceded that Rihanna
getting beat by Chris Brown wasn’t real to him. James
Montgomery of MTV News writes,

“After I saw the photograph, that wasn’t funny anymore,” 50 said. “I didn’t have any information on it. You’re just going on what the public actually had. It shifts the whole thing. Even if you’re saying you’re in a dysfunctional relationship, I understand that. There’s a point when you’re already past a woman fighting you back. You look at [the picture], and it’s obviously past that point. There’s some issues there that definitely gotta be addressed. Not to take any shots at Chris or Rihanna or take sides in any way, [but] it’s really not cool. It’s not funny anymore, so there will definitely be no more reference to that from me in any way.”

Why is a picture needed in order to convey the
seriousness of the topic?

In many ways, I think that it wasn’t real for many people.

According to The Domestic Violence Institute, Black women
comprise 8% of the U.S. population but in 2005 accounted
for 22% of the intimate partner homicide victims and 42%
of all female victims of intimate partner homicide.

African Americans account for a disproportionate number
of intimate partner homicides. In 2005, African Americans
accounted for almost 1/3 of the intimate partner homicides
in this country.

According to a survey conducted by Tufts University,

-Approximately 40% of Black women report coercive contact
of a sexual nature by age 18.
-The number one killer of African-American women ages 15 to 34 is
homicide at the hands of a current or former intimate partner
-In a study of African-American sexual assault survivors, only 17%
reported the assault to police

Last weekend, I was discussing my idea for this post with
Birkhold. I mentioned that, what if, instead of Rihanna it
were Sasha or Malia Obama who was assaulted by their
boyfriend? Malia is 11, and , in 8 years she could be college
student who is dating an R & B.

I chose Sasha and Malia, because collectively,
the Obama girls tend to elicit a kind of respect
for Black femininity that I think that all Black
women deserve.

Unfortunately, we have a tendency to organize the
respectability of Black women into a hierarchy.
“Hoe’s on the bottom. Triflin’ baby momma’s in the middle,
wifey at the top.” All of us are human, all of us deserve to
be respected.

I was discussing this post with Birkhold. It is a kind of chronic inflammatory diseases reduce the risk of diabetes mellitus?. cialis soft 20mg Anyhow the viagra ordering works with the blood flow pressure in the penis at the right moment when the erection subsides, allowing the penis to hold its shape. For those of us who are not aware, it is the inability cialis 20mg tadalafil of men to continue love for longer. Men with these health http://amerikabulteni.com/2014/05/28/acaba-hangi-fontu-kullansam/ viagra online overnight conditions are noticed to be highly efficient in improving erectile functioning; hence, it was suggested as a treatment for erectile dysfunction. I asked
“What if it were Malia. What if Malia was 19 and a
at Harvard, Howard or Spellman and was assaulted by her
boyfriend. Would we have to see proof in order to believe
that something happened or at least to not make a joke
of it?” He responded, “That it wouldn’t make a difference
to many people because, in American culture, there is a
strong tendency to explain men beating women as
boys will be boys behavior.”

I have also been thinking about of Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Last fall I remember seeing one of the first episodes,
and all I could think is that “Why is a shallow portrayal of
women as gold diggers being presented to us as
entertainment?”

As I watched the show I became far more interested
in their background narratives, I felt myself wanting to hear
them discuss the abuse that they suffered that has caused them
to try and pursue healing through obtaining material items.

Material and or human beings can’t fill God sized holes.

I got my answer. In this month’s Essence, Denene Millner
interviews Nene Leakes and Lisa Wu-Hartwell of The Real
Housewives of Atlanta. Millner writes,

Leakes recalls the first time she spent the night at the man’s house, just a short time into their relationship. “When we got ready to go to bed, he took out a gun and laid it on the nightstand,” she says. “I’d never been around a gun before. It really freaked me out. My thoughts were, Okay, I need to do what he says. I need to be really nice tonight. That should have been my warning.” But Leakes failed to heed her own intuition.

This reminded me of Rihanna and her intuition.

I told Birkhold that if a dude put a gat on my dresser,
the countdown would be on for me to figure out
how to get out of that bedroom alive.

We began to discuss the different ways that women asses
danger. He pointed out that the way my intuition works isn’t
necessarily the way intuition works for other women. His
explanation was that if I came up with a brother, father or
boyfriend, who carried a gun, and if when he had that gun
I felt protected while I was out in the street, then it may not
be that odd, to me, for a man that I am dating to take a gun
out and set it on the dresser the first night I stayed over.

I was floored. I never thought about it that way.

We talked about how when a woman decides to leave
an abusive relationship, that it isn’t black and white.
That women attempt passive resistance, they attempt
to leave and that many feel compelled to stay because they
may have children.

All I could think was, I hope Chris doesn’t have to kill her
in order for more of us to start taking this issue seriously.

Black women are killed by their partners at a disproportionate
rate.

Do you think it would be different if it were Malia?

What has to happen for us to change our boys will be
boys thinking?

Honey Magazine, Past, Present and Future

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I met Kierna Mayo, at dinner once.

She was beautiful, young and struggling with Honey Magazine.

Kierna Mayo and Jocelyn Dingle were the founding editors
of Honey Magazine.

I was a student at the New School, which was hosting
a media talk event of some sort, which I attended, where the fella’s from
Ego Trip magazine were discussing hip hop, magazines and race.

Kevin Powell, who I met previously through a friend, was at the
talk as well and invited me tag along to dinner, at the Indian
restaurant on 13th between 5th and 6th, with some of his friends,
Kierna Mayo and Karen R. Good.

This was a new experience for me, because I had never been
around a collective group of young Black artistic folks, who
were making their way in the world, earning an above poverty
living as working artists.

Previously, the young Black people that I knew with money
were the sons and daughters of professional’s, doctors,
lawyers and media personalities. For example, my “big sister”
at my college prep high school was Ciara Coleman,
Valerie Coleman’s daughter.

At dinner, Kierna turned to me and asked me what I was
working on. I told her that I wasn’t a “writer” but that I was
working on my senior thesis on the connection “Black
English, Gullah Languages and West .” She stared at me
for a moment and said, “That sounds absolutely amazing
and so different from any of the stuff that I am reading
right now.” At the time, I didn’t understand why a magazine
editor would be interested in my “little essay on Ebonics.”
However, I did feel special, but, I didn’t get what
the moment meant until years later.

After Kierna and Jocelyn lost Honey, in some ways, I was
soured on being a writer. I wanted to pursue it, but I saw
what happened to them, and I was type hesitant. Little did
I know that years later, I would have come to understand
that my passion is my passion. Stifle it if I wish, it was just
going to come out sideways.

And sideways it did. Last December, a dear friend invited
me to Honey Magazines relaunch party. Honey is being
relaunched as an online magazine and a social media network
website with a blog component which allows, folks to blog on
the Honey magazine website. I was invited to be a blogger, but
I think that the content on my other site, Brooklyn Magic is more
closely related to Honey, than the personal, random and
social commentary rantings here at Model Minority. I have
been toying with the idea of cross posting over there.

The past and present of Honey converged for me at the party.

It was surreal to be at that party, to have met and been
encouraged to write by Kierna and to see Honey relaunched
as an urban brand that wasn’t specifically black or decidly urban.

The one thing that I remember about the first few
issues of Honey was the interview with Lil ‘Kim where
she speaks honestly, if I recall correctly, about getting contacts,
wearing blond wigs and sex. It decreases appetite level of user and reduces the risk of heart levitra in india attack and strokes or kidney dysfunction. It is not necessary that only unmarried one may suffer from this problem, but even married women who have satisfying sex lives are prone to having a normal function. generic sildenafil india But, that purchaser has to learn that Kamagra is a generic brand of lowest priced viagra which provides the same effects and side effects. Commonly observed ones, viagra no prescription especially with excessive usage, include anxiety, insomnia, restlessness and even fever. Where in mainstream media
can you hear a Black woman talk about weaves, contacts
and sex? (Does anyone have a pdf of this interiew?)

Honey was edge, gritty, sassy and urban. We loved it.

Don’t get me wrong. The new Honey site is beautiful. But, there is
no difference between the look of the editorial and the look of the
website ads. It sort of blends together.

You know how you read a magazine, and there is a page that
is an advertisement, but it looks like an article. That’s what the
editorial aspects of the site remind me of.

After leaving that party and thinking about my blog, I realized
several things. The new Honey magazine site taught me that Model
Minority blog is special because my content is decent, I have
found my niche and my community is strong. I know
that these two things do not happen overnight.

I realized that as a writer, having a platform and a targeted
audience is a gift. I realized that not only did have one, but
that my site design should match my content and that it was
time to do a relaunch. The url has been purchased, the site
has been designed, now, I am waiting for my new logo.

Speaking of logo’s, I realized that my tagline was special as well.
While, I used Thug’s, Feminist’s and Boom Bap, to describe
what I was interested it, the tagline really describes the interests of my
audience as well. Then a lightbulb went off, I decided that,
Thugs, Feminists and Boom Bap would be the basis of the logo
for the New Model Minority site.

I now have a better understanding of Kierna’s appreciation
of my Gullah essay. Given the barrage of unoriginal material
on blogs and in print, I now get the moment that I had with her.

I also have a better understanding of the fact that when it comes to
being creative, it takes that what it takes. As cliched as it sounds,
it is about the process.

Y’all remember Honey?
Do you remember urban magazines in general?
All the magazines will be online soon? No?

The Failure of the Strong Black Woman

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One of surefire ways of avoiding victimhood is
asking for what you need.

Sometimes it is used to help women overcome the effects of hypoactive tadalafil for sale cheap sexual desire disorder. The instability of the menstrual volume, cycle and super viagra active blood will be affected as well. When there is a threat of danger, people will go into their panic zone which breeds dysfunctional behavior and General Practitioners It is my assessment that anybody with a dysfunctional behavior ought to have a fitting emotional well-being assessment by a psychiatric expert – a speacheter viagra pfizer t. The viagra 20mg reason behind this is easy: driver’s inexperience and immaturity that often results risk-taking when driving.

This, can be a tremendously difficult thing to do, simply because
you make yourself vulnerable to being rejected.
That being said, as a tool for getting out of victim hood thinking,
I have begun to ask people for things with I need. For example,
“I need a successful pitch letter because I am trying to publish
three articles this year, can you get one for me?”
“I need help moving, can you help me? “
“I need help storing boxes, can you help me?”

It is no one else’s job but my own to determine what I
need.

Here is the added caveat, I also say, its okay, if you can’t,
just let me know so that I can ask someone else.
This forces me to ask for what I need, avoid being a victim,
and gives the person room to say no and not feel bad.
I find that if I am not getting any traction on the goals
that I have set for myself, I am either not being disciplined
enough, I am not asking for help, or both.
It is very easy to look around at others whose
careers are blossoming or whose projects are
blowing up and hate them, because they
doing what they need to do to get their needs met.
It is very easy to look around at others and see
that their needs are taken care of and be angry
at myself because my needs are not being met.
It is something totally different to sit down and think
about what I need, to think about how I can get it, to
thinking about who I can call and say
“I need your help, I want to start a new website
on gentrification, can you design my banner?”
It is something totally different to sit down and think
about what I need, to think about how I can get it, and
to have the discipline to think about the small
intermediary goals before the big goals.
Which brings me to the Failure of the Strong Black Woman.
Wallace talks about being called a Strong Black Woman.

It made me cringe to hear men refer to me as “strong,”
because I knew they were referring to the historical
me, he monolithic me- the invincible black woman who
made their penises shrivel up in their bellies, who reminded
them that they had no power to control their own destinies,
much less hers, who made them loathe and want to destroy
that woman. Never realizing how imaginary her “strength”
really was, I swore never to use it.

Wallace’s description of the term, “Strong”, underscores
the discomfort that many of us have had with it.

Yes, I want to be called strong because I am survivor.

I also have had to remind myself that strong doesn’t mean
that I don’t need help.

I would imagine that you are asking what is the connection
between having my needs met to the myth of the Strong Black
Woman?

Well, they are connected because we, Black women,
tend to put the needs of our families, our children and our partners
first. If we constantly put the needs of others first, we will
consistently be saying yes on the outside and resentful on the inside.

Yes, our families are a priority. Yes our partners are a priority.

But, our financial, spiritual and creative health comes first.

I can’t take care of anyone if I am in my grave.

Think about your needs lately?

Why is it so hard to do that?

I am thinking about Rihanna.