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GZA Tickets Contest

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Joshua at Urb is having a contest for tickets to The Gza’s album release
party on Tuesday August 19th.

As far as I am concerned, The Gza, O.C. & AZ are my underrated favorites,
so I am happy to oblige.

Step One
Go here to register.

Step Two

When entering your last names, add ‘MM’ at the end. So, “Jane Doe MM”.

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You will be eligible for the regular drawing, plus a bonus drawing only for those who labeled themselves MM.

Earrrrl.y

100 Visionaries

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I had a watershed moment yesterday. I was pacing, writing notes and just
simply amped.

The 100 Visionaries Mission came to me.

Our mission is to work to create a better future for our young people
through local and national activism and policy lobbying.

The strategy for achieving this is a five pronged effort. The first is
having regular one on one interactions with young people through
reflection retreats.

The second is supporting local members who share our vision,
and are running for office such as city council or the board of education.

The third is lobbying around policies that effect their lives such as
ending mandatory minimums, creating a national Prop 36 legislation,
eliminating zero tolerance in schools, and ensuring that public school
funds are equitably distributed within the school district.

The fourth is through supporting and promoting artists, writers, musicians,
who are our vision of a better world for young people.

The fifth is by working with other organizations who are doing related work.
One of us may not have an impact. But, 100 hundred of us is a Movement.

Our organization is a learning organization. Nimble, eager and ready to take
action. Contact me directly with further questions at m.dotwrites@gmail.com.

Click on the Widget on the left to donate to cover the cost of incorporating
the non profit.
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I seek to build this with you all, with “buy in” on the ground from
all the folks who have commented and said they want to contribute
and support.

Moveon.org is a 501 (c) (4). This kind of organization has far more leeway than
a (c) (3) when it comes to lobbying. Read more about it here.

501 (c) (3) will be 100 Visionaries.
501 (c) (4) will be the 100 Visionary Fund, similar to Moveon in terms of
action and scope with a bit more urban focus. Early.

Who knew that what began as a conversation on, “who raises the kids
the mommas or the rappers“, would bring us to this?

Adult Relationship Skills

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Recently, I have experienced some emotional upheaval.

In the past, Filthy has had bad experiences with introducing his
female friends to the lady that he was dating at the time.

On two different occasions in the past, he did the introduction
and one of the women ended up being salty.

Apparently, it made life type unbearable.

So this week, I learned that, because of his past, he just decided to
NOT introduce one of his close homies to me.

All I could think was, “Dude, you ain’t think I was going to notice
that I have met almost everyone in your innercircle except for her?”

Apparently, he did so because they had history, and he didn’t know how
to tell me.

This is a violation. However in the grand scheme of things, if I were him
I could have done the same thing. The lessons I have learned from my past
are the only thing that have prevented me from making that kind of mistake.

However, he is a good dude, a lovely dude. Feel me?
So, I was just lightweight torn.

This situation brought up old stuff for me. A couple of years ago
I was dating another cat, *Mark and not getting along well with
two of the women in his life. Some stuff flared up between me
and the one of the women, and instead of neither of us, me, him
or the woman, dealing with it head on, we let it percolate and it
eventually had an impact on our breaking up.

I told myself never again.

Naturally, I was concerned that the past was happening again.

When I found out that Filthy chose to deal with it on some,
I will just keep them seperate I was heated. All this arose
last week. It wasn’t until Saturday that I learned that he kept us
apart because they had history.

I laughed. Because I knew about the history, as Filthy was my friend
first. We talked about everything and I remember him telling me about her
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to the situation. Once I put the pieces together I went from amused
to angry. While I am rational and reasonable, his fear of me bouncing,
or of losing her friendship and subsequent denial about the fact
that this needed to be dealt with swiftly were powerful as well.

On one level he was trying to have his cake and eat it too. Violation.
On a another level, I have made similar mistakes before.

The more we spoke, the more I realized that it was just one of those
situations where he handled the situation in a way that could have
been done differently.

When we have been hurt by someone, there is a tension between
a desire to hold on to the pain, and a desire to forgive.

The pain is comfortable like an old friend, thats is why Mobb Deep
tastes so good to my ears, it waters my dysfunction.

I learned from this that you have to listen to what the person
is saying, that what your friends say may be useful but
it must be taken with a grain of salt, and ultimately God will
set forth what is suppose to take place.

The hardest thing to do, throughout all of this, was to sit with being
uncomfortable and not try and fix it myself.

Part of me, the old me, had an inclination to still rock with him,
just at arms length, and to keep my eyes open for other cats to
add to the bench.

This constitutes trying to fix it myself. I know that needed discipline.
The kind of discipline that Dr. Peck was talking when he was defining
love as the judicious giving of discipline, resources and affection.

Man, listen, it is one thing that to talk that discipline ‘ish, but
it is a whole other to practice it. People have said that I have
changed in the last year, but it was really going through this
that shows me that I have.

I got the chance to do it Friday.

I got a call from an old homie, one who I hadn’t seen, and I knew
that if I hung out, and saw him, I would feel immediately better.

I would be complimented and doted on.

But, I also knew that the quick fix was not what I needed at that
moment. I knew that I needed to do something that I was incapable
of in the past, which is that I needed to sit there with being uncomfortable
with those feelings at that moment.

Deciding to handle it this way reminded me that one of the major
things that we don’t teach our children is how to suffer.

I don’t mean suffer as in having a jacked up life and just not taking action
to change it. I mean suffering as in, learning to deal with the feelings,
the uncomfortable feelings as they arise, to acknowledge them, and
perhaps most importantly to not be controlled by them.

This experience has shown me that healthy adult relationship skills
are the key component to being a healthy human being.

* Pseudonym

How comfortable are you with the feelings that make you
uncomfortable?

Have you had to forgive anyone recently?

Have you had to do any special introductions lately?

Failure Creates Jobs

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Courtesy of failblog.com

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on his bike that read, “Laziness Creates Jobs” and I agreed with
him until last week when I realized that failure creates jobs.

This notion came became clear while reading a New York Times article on
elderly adults who didn’t have children, or anyone for that matter,
to help take care of them and the issues that they are facing.

The comments were interesting in that they ranged from people
who were smug to indifferent, to terrified.

Wow, it?s so nice to see this being posted about publicly. I?m in the same boat. It?s just me and my sister and we?re both single, with no children. I?m pretty much taking care of both my father and mother (who live apart) and an aging aunt. They?re all quite ambulatory – (now anyway) – but when they are gone, I will have no one to take care of me, and really the best years of my life have been spent looking after ?my elders? who also spent the best years of their lives catering to their parents. Maybe when they are gone I can start having an appropriate social life, but that?s not guaranteed.

I certainly do not bemoan this state of affairs – and I could always meet a husband or housemate at this late stage (I?m going to be 40 in the fall), but my dad just doesn?t understand that I?m not really joking when I talk about retiring to a cardboard box on the street. The prospect of a group home doesn?t really appeal to me right now; I?m a pretty solitary person who never fit in with other gaggles of girls. I guess I don?t love life that much to want to survive in a group home? somehow I suspect I?d just end up the Caretaker again. That?s not how I want to end my life either

In some ways, I consider myself already dead. Although I expect to be around for several more decades, I think about preparing for dying alone? which in fact, is something all of us must face. You do not take your friends and relatives and children, no matter how comforting they are, along with you on whatever final step there is. That is an illusion. Women like me are just facing that reality a lot earlier. Which is liberating, in a way. But also lonely, as people with kids don?t ever really think about this reality.

-Jen

I?ve lived alone for 13 years and of course, never thought I?d end up like this. Due to gas prices I limit myself to one trip a week into town now and am isolated. There are no activities for ?seniors.? Finding myself among that group comes as a shock. I always thought that was for old people. Wait, I am old.

Single, and even with a son who happens to live a country away and doesn?t communicate often, I?m turning 65 tomorrow.

My reduced circumstances result from health problems that kept me from working for several years and on SSI for a while. Then I had to take SS early. My small pension runs out in two years and it?s only $3,000 a year.

The best thing for me would be to live in a house with other women (preferably). A roomy room to myself, a common kitchen and living room would be less expensive than what I have to pay now, as would sharing some meals. There should be some kind of national system whereby we could share such information and find situations like that….

~Barbara Wickwire

How amusing! You assume that those people with children are somehow not going to be magically stuffed into a nursing home and ignored by those children.

The purpose of having children is not to make sure someone?s there to take care of you in your old age. That?s a harsh thing to accept. Life is full of harsh things. Dying is one of them.

Even if I had children, I would forbid them from feeding me and bathing me and so forth. I wouldn?t keep my cat alive in those circumstances, why would I do it to myself?

? Posted by Alex


What amazes me when we talk about prisons, schools or the elderly
is our unwillingness to criticize the system in which we live and how
it may affects our lives on a structural level.

For example, we talk about women, read white middle class women,
opting out of the work force, but we don’t discuss how there was an
increase across the board of all women working after WWII and yet
public policy did little to nothing to reflect this huge demographic change.

We needed childcare and afterschool care to fill in where
mothers once supported the family.

The government gave working families the middle finger and
raised taxes on wages and lowered them on corporations and
investments.

Why in the hell do the people that keep this country running,
the Citizens, the Voters, accept such subpar support from the
richest government in the world that IS FUNDED BY OUR
hard earned TAX DOLLARS?

The working patterns of a huge portion of our society changed,
but state and federal policy failed to shift to support the change.

It appears that women are punished if they want to work for a
financial wage and want to do mother work as well.
All of the industrial complexes, non profit, prison, elder care and
education arise out of our failure to plan and support our own.

When we fail Black boys in school, they wind up in the prison industrial complex.

When we fail grandparents, they wind up discarded in a home, or alone
in a studio.

When we fail mothers by not providing childcare and healthcare, they wind
up in the non profit industrial complex begging for resources that they
are entitled to as a human and a United States citizen and tax payer.

Rewind back to another article I read a few weeks ago on the
on the birth rate in Europe.

Did you know that when you had a baby in the Netherlands
you receive a cash payment, a 53 week maternity leave, 9 week
paternity leave and the guarantee that your job will be there when your
return.

Italians live with their parents longer, have their babies later
and are implicitly expected, by the government to rely on their,
get this- elderly parents for childcare.

The Dutch birth is significantly higher than the Italian birthrate.

Guess what? There is a close connection between a women
receiving support, wealthier families and a willingness to have
more children.

Its not rocket science. When a person has a safety net they are willing
to take more risks. Russel Shorto writes Italy and the Netherlands,

In Europe, many countries with greater gender equality have a greater social commitment to day care and other institutional support for working women, which gives those women the possibility of having second or third children….

As women advanced in education levels and career tracks over the past few decades, Norway moved aggressively to accommodate them and their families. The state guarantees about 54 weeks of maternity leave, as well as 6 weeks of paternity leave. With the birth of a child comes a government payment of about 4,000 euros. State-subsidized day care is standard. The cost of living is high, but then again it?s assumed that both parents will work; indeed, during maternity leave a woman is paid 80 percent of her salary.

54 weeks of maternity leave? State subsidized childcare? Shorto
goes on to discuss how culture impacts the support that families receives
when he writes.

In both countries, people tend to have traditional views about gender roles, but Italian society is considerably more conservative in this regard, and this seems to be a decisive difference. The hypothesis the sociologists set out to test was borne out by the data: women who do more than 75 percent of the housework and child care are less likely to want to have another child than women whose husbands or partners share the load. Put differently, Dutch fathers change more diapers, pick up more kids after soccer practice and clean up the living room more often than Italian fathers; therefore, relative to the population, there are more Dutch babies than Italian babies being born. As Mencarini said, ?It?s about how much the man participates in child care.?

If you think that it is too much to ask the government to open
childcare on the corners like Starbucks style, how much is that
Fannie Mae bail out going to cost again?

Just like my budget, the governments budget reflects its values.

We should not settle for such pittance.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

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There are many ways to lose friends and alienate people. The first
way to lose a friend is by refusing to accept responsibility when
you have made a mistake.

Or apologizing when you have made the mistake, but doing so
defensively which isn’t an apology at all.

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and constantly canceling them.

It is fairy easy to alienate people. One of the best methods is by
being aggressively self centered, being the person at the party that
likes to argue- with everyone.

While this is a relatively short list, I know that you all have an some
ideas, based on experience on how to lose friends and alienate people.

Alienate anyone lately?
Relationship on life support?

Lets share.