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Dating with Contracts

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Monday Morning Breakfast
 Scrambled Eggs with Cheddar & Bell Peppers,
Wheat Toast & Watermelon Prepared by Filthy Supreme

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I was recently reminded of a beef I had with Filthy last February.

It arose when he asserted that in the past he would
let women know up front that he wasn’t interested in a long
term anything but would continue to hang out. In his mind

this absolved him of any responsibility for a woman
catching feelings.

This conversation initially started off as a discussion about
how he dates. ?Because we have first jeans, first date hats,

first date hair cuts, and my favorite, first date eye shadow,
we are not really being ourselves when we begin dating.

He mentioned that he approaches it with?the intention of?
not subscribing to societal gender roles?because those roles
don’t allow people?to be themselves on their first Dates.?
His rationale is that when we wear the first date gear, we are?
not being ourselves but someone who wants to avoid rejection.?
The idea is that we perform gender norms to avoid rejection
from a potential partner.

Needless to say, I was intrigued.?

While I thought that the gender role theory was very
bell hooksian of him, I had a problem with the notion that telling
a woman up front that he wasn’t interested in something long term
absolved him of any responsibility if and when she caught feelings.

My rationale is that if we are eating together, catching flicks
together, Barnes and Nobling together, then you are doing
the things that I would DO with my dude.
And to sit there, marinate, benefit and soak it all in, without
concern for the title or duties associated with receiving such
benefit is short sighted and selfish. Besides being on the take
like that is a sure fire way to cultivate a stalker.


Welcome to dating with contracts.

To be fair, I have been on both sides of the the equation. On one side, I am
hanging out with the someone who I DO not want a title with, but enjoying the
benefits just the same. Then there is the other side of doing partner type
labor without the partnership title.

We fall in love meal by meal, flick by flick.

I was reminded of all this last week when Mean Sexy and I were talking
about someone she met recently and the time they spend together.
She has a desire to keep it low key but stays hanging out with dude.

Getting it in.

My line for Filthy was the same for her, which is “With every meal, you
grow closer, not further apart” so if you want space you have to stop
eating with him. But ya’ll know how it is.


Good cooked food. Long Saturday mornings. The warm and fuzzy’s
feel good. But those warm and fuzzy’s require work.

Saturday nights dinner.
Pesto Pizza with Artichoke hearts & Mozzarella.
Courtesy of ‘ya boy.


Our exchange reminded me of a notion from Junot Diaz’s Drown
where he talks about relationship break-up velocity. His rationale
is that once the break up is on the horizon, there ain’t really
nothing you can do to stop it.

I hate admitting that. Hated it. Hated it. Hated it. But he is right.

Try as you may. Its unstoppable.

I would also say that there is relationship start up velocity.
You may not think that the time that you are spending
with this person, the breakfast, the movies, the long good byes,
are just good clean fun, but seeds are being planted and someone
is bound to catch feelings.


8 Top Moments from Rafi & Dallas’s Checkmate

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1. Ben of Consumerist saying, “I can’t wrap my head
around the idea of paying someone for my own money”.
Ben, Ben, Ben, welcome to the hood.

2. “One stop shopping, income tax time is here”. GRIMEY.

3. Who wants to walk out of a check cashing spot with their money?

4. I want to keep this whole American economy rolling.

5. Another reason the poor stay winning. Dallas is foul for that.

6. Bankers workers love to drink Starbucks.

7. Side effects:Any side effects of propecia are sexual cialis online order dysfunction, depression, impotent etc. Accordingly, risks of eventual side effects are mild and usually subside find out now generic viagra online after the medication has left the body. Naturopathic medicine developed a solution for low libido lies in avoiding smoking and alcohol, levitra online complications of rectal or prostate surgery, and bad effects of certain therapeutic drugs. Avoid smoking and taking alcohol before and after taking viagra sales france . “Banks… are beholden to their shareholders not to their
customers…often at the expense of the low income customers” Real Talk.

8. Debt is the new money. I’m through. I’m out. Dead.

I love the teaching through sarcasm. It’s way less heavy handed
than the sh*t I write.

I would have like to have seen an interview with someone
who has the numbers on the collective impact of check cashing
operations on the hood. Another suggestion would be a visual
comparing how much money is spent over a year, cashing a monthly
$ 1200 check at a bank versus a check cashing spot.

NYPD and Sean Bell on My Mind

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Last night, at about 10pm, I remarked to Filthy how quiet
the block was. He responded saying that the playoffs were
on and that it isn’t unnatural for the streets to hum a bit more quietly
during that time.

I was responded with a lip smack, saying, “the kids watching
the game too?”

We were in Crown Heights. (That neighborhood is cooking like a kettle.)

At 11:31pm, I mentioned it again.

At 11:45pm the quiet was broken when I heard a woman shouting
and a man saying “Arrest me then”. Initially, I thought that he was
responding to her threats of him calling the police on her and I wrote
it off as a lovers quarrel. Then I heard the police shouting “Get the f-ck
back, all of you, get the f-ck back”.

The block was hot.

I looked out the window, and said to Filth, “Eh blood, popo has a dude out
on the ground”.

He put on his jeans and sneakers and said he would be right back.
He *Malcomed me. (more about that later). My heart started beating
incredibly fast. I couldn’t find my sandals. I threw on one of his
hoodies and a hat. There was no way I was staying in that house
not because I need to protect him, but because I needed to bear
witness to what was going on. Based on the shouting, it seemed
as if popo was a hair away from shooting someone.

I felt helpless. I felt like my legal training didn’t matter. I felt like I was 10
years old in East Oakland again. Helicopters flying, Task Force on both
ends of the block, people standing outside in their bathrobes and slippers.
I felt like I should do something. uk levitra These tablets are surely understood all over the planet drug for treating ED presented in another helpful sort. Ginseng is however not a recent discovery, but unknown viagra super store to many people in metropolitan cities. Take medical advice if you have eye diseases like anemia, cancer, high or cheap viagra price low blood pressure, irregular heart rate, unstable chest pain. A health professional diagnosesthe cause and cialis cheapest discover these guys now recommend the medication to improve the blood circulation in required area. I also knew that being reactionary would
only escalate the situation.

My mind was awash with ideas. I was reminded that I had had these
experiences before as a kid and that it had been a long time since I felt the
emotions that went with it. There is nothing like it. My hands were
shaking because I felt powerless. I thought someone was going to
start shooting, po po or the block cats, and I knew that our lives
would be changed forever. I thought about God.
I had empathy for the policemen I saw, as those men were sons,
fathers, brothers. The man who was beat and arrested
is a son, father and brother as well.

Soon eight cop cars showed up. The man was hand cuffed and placed in
a police car. Two officers had an exchange with some of the
dudes on the block.

One of the dudes said, “Ya’ll don’t care about us, about our lives.
You ain’t from the hood”.

The officers responded, “Yes, we do and I am from the hood too”.

Block dude retorted, “Out of 100 of you, 5 of you are cool,
the rest are rotten apples.”

The police got into their cars and began driving away.

I went back into the foyer and began to think about Oakland, about
violence, and about hip hop.

In the past week, I have been conducting research for a piece
on Grand Theft Auto 4. Last night in the foyer I
began thinking about how much more difficult it would be for the
young men who don’t live in the hood to play Grand Theft
Auto 4 after seeing a black man, held down on his back by a
police officer, while the officer yelling “Get the f-ck back” to on
lookers.

I began to think, “What if the police beat Black men in GTA 4”?
If the gamers like the real, and they want real, isn’t that the realest?

The fact that arguably 6 cars showed up, to arrest one man is indicative
of the level of fear, and NYPD’s mode of operation.

Didn’t I say mentioned a couple weeks ago that this was going to
be a long bloody summer?

*Malcom left Betty and the girls and went to Detroit to give
“The Ballot or the Bullet” in Detroit a couple of days after their
home was bombed in Queens. Filth and I frequently talk about
how men in The movement leave their families for The, Capital T,
movement. So when he went outside
I got “Malcolmed”. When I mentioned it to him, he knew exactly
what I was talking about showed and immediately showed
appreciation for my ability to make that connection.

Violence and the 2008 Presidential Race

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There are two stories that I have arisen in the past two days
that have me thinking about violence in the
presidential election. The first is the story related to the
above image of Michelle Obama. It was allegedly created by an
Obama supporter who is apparently completely
ignorant of the legacy slavery, lynching for African Americans.

Professor Kim wrote an informative piece on it. This quote sums
up my perspective on the the image,

Two final layers. This image flips and merges two of the most emblematic images in our tragic racial history: the black (usually) male victim suffering unjustly at the hands of white racists, and the fragile woman (historically white) being violated by brutish (black, and often imaginary) men. In a provocative 2001 book, Playing the Race Card: Melodramas of Black and White From Uncle Tom to OJ Simpson, UC Berkely professor Linda Williams argued that racial melodrama sets the terms of our debates over equality. What we may be witnessing in part, is just how poorly those terms fit our current situation.

Last thing. As I pondered the image, I thought about Sen. We are proud to offer cheap cialis to our customers all around the world. She is certified cheapest levitra slovak-republic.org in past life regression, fears and phobias, immune enhancement, sports, performance, sexual dysfunction, and return male vitality and female vigour. You can recover from the prostate cialis properien loved that diseases softly and has no side effect. One slovak-republic.org purchase cheap viagra teaspoon full of honey is sufficient to cause 50% increase in nitric oxide. Obama’s recent call for an end to the attacks on his wife. Bowling Green Daily News columnist Kathleen Parker derided his comments, along with his recent gaffe when he called a woman reporter “sweetie.” But look at that image again, and think of another historical echo. During and after slavery and Jim Crow, black women were routinely sexually violated by white men — and their husbands, fathers and other family members were powerless to defend them.

On another note, there is something about the notion of “defending them”
that strikes me as being uber patriarchal. I think I would reframe it as
“no way of seeking justice” instead.


I was also reminded of violence when I heard Hillary Clinton’s
statement that she is she is staying in the race because her
husband didn’t win California until June, and that Bobby Kennedy was
assassinated in June. On its face, it seems to be a careless comment,
but then again, Bobby was a young senator who was assassinated.
Obama is a young senator as well.
Given this countries history of violence, what does the fact that she
said this intentionally or unintentionally say about her?
Was she tired? Is the statement in exusable even if she is tired?
I immediately thought, If she is insensitive enough to say this, if she is lacking
in judgment to the extent that these words could come out of her mouth,
we are left to infer, what else is she capable of saying and doing?

Don’t get me wrong, last year,in March of 2007 I mentioned how
Obama may be great, but the prospect of him being murdered makes
his viability questionable. I now realize that this reactionary thinking
that has no place in what he is trying to accomplish for if fear was the
determining factor, MLK would have been just another Cadillac driving,
Negro preacher tauting prosperity gospel.

Hillary has apologized, but has the damage been done?
How does one view her apology?

Are you Ready to Have a Black Man President? No.

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Obama Faces Racism in West Virginia – For more funny movies, click here

The Times also reported last night on Hillary’s rationale for remaining in
the race. Patrick Healey writes,

Rebuffing associates who have suggested that she end her candidacy, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton has made it clear to her camp in recent days that she will stay in the race until June because she believes she can still be the nominee ? and, barring that, so she can depart with some final goals accomplished.

That video is priceless.

HiIllary knows the pledge of allegiances and so does John Mcain.

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Birkhold has some very interesting things to so about Hillaries manipulation
of white racism. He writes,

Hillary Clinton?s statement that ?hard-working Americans, white Americans? won?t vote for Barack Obama is quite simply an endorsement of white racism. It also clearly demonstrates what is wrong with American politics.

Because Clinton may be right to say that these folks will never vote for Obama because he?s black illustrates why Obama is needed. Since delivering his now famous race speech in Philadelphia, Obama has consistently challenged working class whites to see the cause of their problems in Washington and in offshoring, not in black people. Clinton, on the other hand, instead of challenging working class whites to rethink how they got where they are, has capitalized on their racism saying that because they won?t vote for Obama, she should get the nomination.

…… A presidential hopeful who capitalizes on white racism to get herself elected is part of the problem and is not interested in making the country a better place to live. At a time when the country needs serious change, we need leadership that will challenge us to change. Because Clinton is using our nation?s unwillingness to change to her advantage, its time we demand she sit down. If we don?t demand this, we also endorse the racism of working class whites.

Macon D, over at Stuff White People Do, also has a post up
on Hillary and Whiteness. He writes,

White Americans tend to overlook the racism of Hillary’s playing, in this instance and others, of the white race card, as well as those by her husband Bill, and by other supporters of her campaign, such as Geraldine Ferraro. White Americans commonly overlook such racism because they’ve been trained into ignoring the more general white supremacist context of contemporary American society.

Democrats are making history this year because for the first time, their nominee will be a person who is either a woman or an African American. While Obama continually downplays his racial status, nearly everyone else foregrounds it. Clinton usually downplays her gender status, and with the exception of many white feminists, who receive little attention in the corporate media, nearly everyone else downplays her gender too. These disparate treatments of Obama and Clinton have more to do with the significance of race, which in this election seems to be trumping the significance of gender.

The White Race Card?

Hillary & White Racism?

What do you think?

The woman in the video stating “I don’t think a Black Man
should be president”.

The skeletons are out apparently.