February 21st, 2013 | Published in Quickems
Heart is broken. But I am free. And perhaps, most importantly, I have been transformed.
I am stubborn and typically only listen once I hit a bottom, I also listen if two different people tell me the same thing, I listen to the person I am dating, I listen to people who are more spiritually evolved than I am.
What I have learned is that I have an intimacy ceiling, that I keep most people at arms length and that if I want to grow, I need to figure out how to deal with at shit. stat.
The good and the bad news is that I will be going to see Erykah next week, to perform Mama’s Gun. What the fuck was I thinking?
A LOT of work on the back end here, than you all for supporting me.
The Black Girls Are from the Future Manifesto is coming…right now it is titled “The Historical Origins of Black Girls Are from The Future: BGFTF is a Fancy Way of Saying Fuck You..I’m From the Future”…..or “Black Girls are from the Future: An Oppositional Consciousness Rooted in the Day to Day Lives of Working Class Black Girls”<<< Or maybe these are subheadings FOR the essay. #WorkinProgress.
I am on deck to do some collaborative work on why I think, as a Black Feminist, that Aaron Swartz is important, in spirit and in action to me and my work and to a lot of the digital Black feminist work.
There is a Black Girls Are From the Future short video Doc in the works.
Black Girls Are From the Future: Essays on Race, Gender and Pop Culture will be complete and for sale this summer.
Oh, and Black Girls are from the Future has been trademarked. #sayword. #Word.
However, in the midst of all of this, all of this gina, is that I have do deal with this ability to connect, to no sort people in inside and outside, rigidly because I don’t trust them. I cannot, write, blog, cook, eat, burbon, think, theorize swim my way through this. I simply have to address this shit. And I resent it. I resent having to do it. But I also know that I have been given a unique opportunity. Why is this a unique opportunity? Because, most people wrap folks in their own misery for years, rather then go deep into themselves and do that archival work. To find out the historical origins if your own/my own rage buttons.
How can you love another human being if you don’t understand that your first need is to trust. THE FIRST GINA. I haven’t been betrayed or anything like that. Quite the opposite. I simply have a hard time trusting. Now, some people ain’t shit, and you can’t trust them as far as you throw them, but some people CAN be trusted, and that is some shit that I have a hard time with. The rigid groups I put people into are no longer serving me, and I know I need to change.
I am also really clear on how much my work is worth, down to the cent, and I am moving about in the world with a very clear understanding of that.
I will not turn myself into an object. I will do my damnedest to do the work.
When I say everything for Oakland, I mean that shit. Doing that interior work will evolve me, when I evolve and can do the artistic work for myself and for Black girls in Oakland that I know I was put here to do. When I do that work, the connection, I believe, the ability to connect will become easier.
Thank you for the support.