Today I saw an friend. An old school homie. A woman who knows me and my business AND my momma ‘nem business.
We don’t speak.
We have fallen out twice and I have decided to leave it be.
Its odd and awkward. But that’s fine. We grown. A little discomfort ain’t never killed nobody.? I would be lying if I didn’t say that it would BE NICE to be friends.
We have known each other since we were 18. We know hella people in common and have seen each other through some hard times. But if it don’t fit don’t force it.
I also saw another friend today who had a hard week. Her job is janky, her boo thang situation is janky and she hasn’t had the time to devote to her art.
Artist get some kinda way when they can’t work on they work.
Tonight I snapped at her. I was houngary. I turn into a little Black girl gremlin when I don’t eat.
I apologized and said that I know that she is having a hard time, and that my goal was to leave her feeling the same or feeling better, but not worse. I said that I take being her friend seriously.
When I left her tonight I hugged her and told her that I loved her and that I am glad that she is alive.
Yes, its sentimental and over the top but you know what, sometimes people need to hear that shit explicitly.
Often times it is knowing that someone Loves us that keeps going.
After she got off the train I realized that Black girl rule number one is to Love the people who Love us back. This means leaving the folks alone who don’t want to be bothered.
This can be a boo thang or a homie. Or and old friend who you have fallen out with twice.
You want to fuck up your self esteem? Chase after a negro man or woman who don’t want you? Done that. Im cool.
You leave anyone alone lately?
You speak when you see each other?
Sometimes historical friendships be just that, history.