Second Semester is different from the first in a few ways.
The first is that I read with more confidence. I have process for
being able to absorb a book by reading the introduction closely,
recognizing the arguement then proceeding to read the relevant
chapters that I feel the author care’s most about.
Second is that, my support network is bigger. Moving to a new place
and making new friends and the same time, is not what the
streets want. However, it is coming together, and between
twitter, friends of friends, and just being a friendly person
I seem to be formulating a group of people that I can rely
on that have NOTHING to do with academia, which is
Third, I have a grad school homie in another department, Ms. Fresh
Daily, and we are hella cool. Love her, she checks for me,
pushes me to think with my radical imagination, talks
me down from the edge, and perhaps most importantly
helps me to see when I am tripping or when school
people are tripping. She also helped me to see that
I identified intellectually, hella hard, with my last relationship
and thats why it was hard to let go. She reminded me that
everything that I learned from him, came to him several
people, may of whom were Black. That the issue is not
about learning from a person but being apart of a learning
community. She had been there before, where her partner
pushed her to new places, intellectually, then they split, and she
was forced to make sense of the relationship and the void.
Fourth I know and am in regular contact with other Black women
who are dissertating (Moya y Jess), so not only do I SEE examples
of people who have made it, but they also care enough about
me to take my phone calls, which is really precious and meaningful.
Fifth, its nice to get to know and meet people who are interested
in my work and me as a person. Its bumpy at times, don’t get
it twisted. But in some ways, my faith has had to grow bigger
than my fear to be able to do it. (Otherwise I would just stay
in the bed, luls.)
Lastly, I have a better sense of what is expected of me.
I am also more gentle with myself and understanding that
there are a lot of things that I don’t know how to do and that
I am here to learn, and as long as I don’t expect to do
things perfectly the first time I will maintain my serenity.
Is this year better than last for you?
Why or why not?
Why is it so hard to accept learning how to do new things is hard?